A
female
age
30-35,
*ruellyCute
writes:I'm female and I am bisexual. My boyfriend knows it! I don't deny it and I never will. He hates the fact that I am and he even told me so.I make it clear to him as much as I can that I love him and no one else. However, everytime we are with my friends, male or female, he accuses me of flirting. He is jealous of my male best friend, who is also his friend, and my only ex girlfriend who I hardly see, and am still friends. My relationship with her only lasted 2 weeks tops. It was also back in grade twelve; two years ago. He also accuses me of flirting with one of my other female friends who is straight.The only time it seems I can have fun around him and my friends at the same time is to sit in one spot, never get up and have light, boring conversations the whole time.My relationship with my boyfriend is nearing our one year and I am tired of fighting with him over this matter. He won't even see my male bestfriend anymore because he is jealous and they were once pretty tight. I don't what to do anymore and I really don't want, and I will not, pretend to be straight when I am not.Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CruellyCute +, writes (7 February 2011):
CruellyCute is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have talked to him about his dislike of my bisexuality. I posted this just after a fight with him actually.
He says in larger groups it is harder for him to accept my bisexuality because there are more people to keep an eye on. So I really think it's a trust issue on my part.
He also says he's tired of "having to compare things to what if *instert his ex girlfriends name here* was doing this" and there is only one way I can seem to interpret this.
I have thought about threesomes foursomes etc. but I don't see my bisexuality as a reason for it. I'm not interested in them and my boyfriend got a little mad about them when I asked if he would do it.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Well, I can't tell him what to do, since he's not the one writing in. So I'll try to explain his motivations, then you can decide what to do with that info.
First off, really examine whether or not you are flirting. A lot of girls (and guys, for that matter) do it without realizing, particularly with ex-lovers and with people they're attracted to. It just happens. Doesn't make it any easier for the boyfriend, though.
Incidentally, that's a good reason not to stay in contact with exes - *especially* if it was just a short fling. Jealousy can also be an inherent issue with opposite-sex best friends, where the easy banter of most friendships can really seem like flirting.
Second, if your boyfriend really hated you for being bi, he wouldn't be dating you. He may believe it's just an attention-seeking thing on your part, in which case it would be annoying without being a deal-breaker. Or he may be insecure about his ability to satisfy you. It's certinaly rude of him to just dismiss your sexuality, but it's just as rude of you to dismiss his feelings about it.
Really, I don't think this is a salvageable relationship, so if you want an excuse to break up, consider it given. But in future relationships, it would help to be more aware of your own behavior and the other person's perception of it, and their feelings in response.
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Some men have tendencies to become very possessive and jealous. While he might think he's being caring and protective of your relationship with him, he's really being controlling and forceful.He needs to understand your sexuality, it's been close to a year, so he should have realised and accepted you for who you are now.Make him understand that you're allowed to have friends, and you can have fun with them, but it doesn't mean that you're flirting or interested in them romantically.My girlfriend has tried to forbid me from talking to my ex-girlfriend before. I only went two dates with my ex, then we decided we weren't right for each other and stayed as friends. That was about three years ago.I agreed that I would never talk to my ex again if she agreed to never talk to any of her exes again either. Which of course made her think differently since she was still friends with one of her exes and played in a band with him.Maybe try and turn the tables on him, see how he feels if you tell him you don't want him talking to any of his exes. Or even accuse him of flirting the next time he talks to a girl. But if he continues to try to keep you from speaking with your ex and accusing you of flirting, then maybe he isn't quite right for you.Either way, have a serious conversation with him and see how it goes.Goodluck!
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A
male
reader, Yogananda  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 FIND A NEW BOYFRIEND, that loves your girlfriends too, have u ever thought on a menage a trois, quatre, cinq, six, set? maybe what u need to do is invite him to be sexy with your female friends, but probably u are jealous as he is. Unless u are willing to do the same for him, introduce him to another women you can share him with and be as bisexual as u want with him included.
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