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In love with a man whom I dated in school. The catch: He's married.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Love stories<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 February 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 7 February 2011)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Why do women fall in love wih married men?

This is my situation. After 22 years, I got back into touch with this guy that I date in middle school. Back then, we were really close. We lost touch, because my family moved from one side of town to another. After I graduated in 1988, I left my home town and went on with my life. During this time, I looked for him and just couldn't find him. I had two children and got married and divorced. In 2004, I moved to Georgia, about an hour and 45 minutes away. I finally found him. But he was married and had two kids of his own, only one with his wife. Almost immediately, the feelings we had as children reserviced. I know for a fact this man is in love with me, but he's also, the kind of man that it would take his wife to leave him. The way, he looks at me, all I see in his eyes in love. I have tried to break it off with him, but my love for him is too strong. His love for me is just as strong. I don't want him to leave his wife because of me, because I know what that feels like. I try to encourage to leave only if he isn't happy at home. I don't see him as often as I would like, but I do see him. I don't put my own life on hold for him. I do date and he's ok with that because he feels it's wrong for him to ask me to wait. But it's my decision not to. I just haven't found that one guy that can take my breathe away. What can I do about this situation?

love problems

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011):

You could be putting your life more or less on hold forever. He may never be able to leave his wife. Also you have no idea that it would work out with the two of you if you got together. There are too many 'ifs' here. Be aware that it is all a bit of a pipe dream. Don't waste your life waiting for someone who may never be available to you.

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A male reader, Kilcardy United States +, writes (7 February 2011):

You may be afraid to be in a real relationship, which is why you get hung up on married men. You know this guy is unavailable, yet you spend time pining away for him. What a waste of time! Start working on yourself, and try and find out why it is you do this to yourself. Life is so much nicer without all the drama and bullshit that these sorts of entanglements engender. Good luck.

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (7 February 2011):

xanthic agony auntLeave him alone, he's married! You shouldn't be encouraging him to leave at all, regardless of the reason. Don't be selfish, move on and let him live his life with his family. There's plenty of nice, SINGLE men out there to choose from.

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