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female
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anonymous
writes: Is his behavior irrational? My fiance will argue with me if I don't let him drive my car. I don't see what the problem is since it belongs to me. I will let him do it once in awhile, but I like to drive my car when he's with me too. He has his own car, and I don't see what the big deal is. Just recently he has been making excuses saying that he gets car sick. Is it just me or is he acting crazy?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Hmmm I was in a relationship for a very long time and my ex used to drive normally all the time, it just seemed automatic that he would go to the drivers door and I was fine with that, it just seemed natural.
When I first met him though I always had my own car and if I was adamant I would drive as it was MY car.
A lot of people, women and men do feel weird or sick in a car if they are not behind the controls and I now often feel that way, especially when my sister drives as she is a company rep and the way she drives her car, which is fast but controlled just churns my stomach up I must admit. It has hard suspension so every bump in the road affects me and I end up with the window open or air con on cold and sucking loads of peppermints.
It all depends on if your bf is genuinely ill or not, does he show any signs of this when you drive?
If it is purely a male thing that he must be the one driving then do suggest that he drives his own car instead and share the cost of fuel with him perhaps, but don't let him do it all the time, you have a car for a reason and that is YOUR independence so don't let anyone take that away from you.
You do need to get to the root of this though as it will only get worse if it is left and you will end up resenting him for his behaviour. Find out if it is genuine or just male pride.
Wish you well.
BFN
Country Woman
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Some guys find it immasculating to be driven by women. It could very well be that he feels like less of a man when he is driven around.
The getting car sick COULD be an excuse, or it COULD be legit.
As far as getting car sick goes, I have that problem. When I drive, I am in control of the car, and the momentum, and I do not get car sick. When I am a passenger, I will get very ill (motion sickness) if the person drives in a manner that cuases too much motion. I guess it comes down to how good a driver are you?
If he is a control freak, then this is a red flag, and you should RUN.
If he feels immasculated, this is workable...maybe encourage him to look at other girls while you focus on the road. That's what most men would do.
If your driving makes him motion sick, then let him drive.
-FBK
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 It's your car, and you deserve to drive it. It he has a problem with it, show him the door. He's crazy.
DV1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): I find that in the past 20 years, you do see a lot women driving places with their bf's in the passenger seat. Most women are like you and do own their own cars and rightfully should have the choice as to whether they drive or allow the bf to do it. I don't think he's being irrational, but he's being a bit out dated in his thinking. Your bf may have a more old fashioned notion that the "man has to drive' when you go out on dates and he feels very uncomfortable and embarrassed being in the passenger seat. It could be just the way he was raised. I suggest you ask him if this is the reason and perhaps,then the two of you can reach a compromise. Take turns or save yourself the gas money and only take his car out on dates, when he can do the driving.
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