A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well I feel unbelievably jaded right now. My boyfriend and I had broken up. I broke up with him for GOOD reason. And no he hadn't cheated on me. YET. Anyways we got back together about two and half months after breaking up. Two days later I found out he and a friend had seen ESCORTS while we were broken up. I snooped cause he was acting weird and that is how I found out. I flipped out. I FLIPPED out. I'm so angry!! He said he paid $350.00 for the service. He said he didn't touch her and that nothing happened! For him to lie to me to my face! As if I was born yesterday. And just to lie. WTF??? And how he could even do that?? Like what? UGH. I just can't get the image out of my head as to what might have happened. Its so painful to think about.I am mad for several reasons, so please give me feedback. I am mad because he always acted like he was so morally upright and wasn't down with shit like that. He's a hipocrite!!! And a liar! I am also mad because he has never spent that kind of money on ME! But he did for a hooker. UGH!!! FOR A HOOKER!! But for a beautiful, sexy, CLEAN, girl?? Who loved him a lot. NO! I am so pissed. I am also mad because when we broke up he said that he would expect me to not even think of another guy for atleast 3 months. But then he did!! I HATE him with all of my heart. And he LIED to me and said nothing happened!! And above all I am just mad that he simply would do that to me. I am trying so hard to contain myself and act like I don't care. But I want to rip his FU**ING head off. But I will never show him how angry I am. I just want to move on and forget this guy. I am just so hurt.I am so beautiful and such a good person. I treated him so well. I never nagged him. I thought I made him happy. And I thought that he would fight for me. But this is what he spent his time doing instead. I'll never show him that I am hurt even though I want to break something. I want to break HIM. I guess he just likes that kind of lifestyle. It just hurts so much. Imagine someone you love doing this to you?? Especially when you didn't even deserve it?? It just hits so many levels. I just want to move away and forget this. And keep growing spiritually and intellectually. I just need and want more. I want someone who puts enough value in me to fight for me and not just give up on me so easily and humiliate me like this. I will never settle for this despicable mediocrity. NEVER AGAIN. I don't hate men. Just him. I am too embarrassed to tell my friends. But I need advice and reassurance. He is such a prick. And I feel so petty. HELP!!!
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broke up, cheated on me, escort, got back together, liar, money, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): THANKS everybody for your comments!! They were all very inciteful. I really appreciate it!!
Well my opinions in the matter lean more toward those of SamuraiRick like he says that in spirit my ex was not done with me. I mean he had tried calling me periodically throughout our break up. In fact, just one week after he did that with the escorts, he texted me that he was sorry and to forgive him for the first reason that we broke up. And that's how we met up again. Isn't that sick?! I mean if I had reached a point where I was already moving on and sleeping with other people, I wouldn't contact my ex! If I was already hooking up with other people, that to me would mean that atleast on my part I had prounounced it over. But he was still trying to get with me! Maybe it isn't cheating per se but its still not right. To me its weird and its wrong.
And to VinnieQ, well I respect your opinion, but even my ex-boyfriend would disagree with you. He knows he doesn't deserve me. He himself said that if the roles were reversed he could never forgive me. Don't forget my ex was the one who set the whole standard of how I shouldn't even think of a guy until 3 months after breaking up. And I think when you love someone you can't move on that easily. So he just showed me the extent of his love for me. He knows that. And I am sure he feels bad for being a liar and leading me on. And I think deep down he and I both know that I am the one who is finishing him and he is the one who is going to end up alone long enough to think about how you act with a girl. But you never know. Maybe he will never learn. Oh well.
THANK YOU ALL!!
A
male
reader, VinnyQ  +, writes (8 December 2007):
I can see your anger but really... COME ON! If YOU broke up then you have no right to be offended by anything he did while he was single. But what really gets me is that you are angry that he spent $350 on the call girl and never that much on you! That's just a bit... stuck up. And you were really derogatory to the call girl, which I feel you have no right. Being stereotypical doesn't help when trying to win people over to your side. I hope he finishes you and you end up alone long enough to think about how you act with men.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (8 December 2007):
 If the court pleases I’m going to revise my answer. I will agree with the evidence that he clearly was already broken up with you, and as such he is considered single and available, and can do anything he pleases. In that I have no dispute. And further I have no real moral problem with him or any single man seeing an escort if he so desires.
But the real question is was he REALLY broken up from you inside himself, and how long a separation did he have before resorting to this. Apparently, if you two got together again after a couple months, he really was still attached and not really over you. So in spirit at least you were still together during the separation. On that regard I still contend that what he did was wrong, especially in light of the fact that you two got back together. IF, and I say IF he were to find another girl as a girlfriend this little sexual transaction can be dismissed. And it would have nothing to do with her. But because he got back together with YOU and also LIED about the whole situation it was a clear betrayal of your trust.
If you had never found out about this situation, who knows, you might be together and fine now. But you did find out. And the knowledge of what happened hurts. This is not so easy to shake off and dismiss as some people would have you think. It will drive a wedge between you, and your trust is forever broken with him. Once trust is broken, a relationship can spiral downhill with no hope. Trust me. I’ve been there.
But your knowing about this situation is a good thing for you. You know that your bond with him will last no more than two months before gets a hooker. He did not make the effort to fight to get back with you; to wait it out if he had to. People often ask “what is the extent and limit of your love?” His answer for you is two months. That’s how long it takes him to get over you. Now you know it. That’s something to think about.
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A
female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (8 December 2007):
 You don't really need any advice, just read through your question, and you'll see that you're not worth him.
Also, be mad - you have a right to be mad, but you weren't together at the time so it wasn't cheating, it was just sick.
As for lying to you - he's just trying to cover his tracks, and it didn't work so now you know the truth which in a way is still better than him still seeing the call girl (s) and not telling you.
I don't think you should be worried, but on a slightly disgusting side, get checked out for any STIs because he may have picked some up if he's done call girls before.
Best of Luck, and you are worth a lot more than him.
H
xxxx
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (8 December 2007):
 well it does sound like you vented quite alot here, but heres what i think. You broke up with him, regardless of how many times you get together after 2 1/2 months, you still broke up with him, and i bet you said why and as you say it was a good reason, so im betting he thought it was over. Plus considering how angry you sound in this message, i bet you were more angry when you were telling him.
So as you were broken up, not on a break, i guess he has the "right" to do what he wants, if its visiting a escort or whatever. So in reality he was single, by your hand, so you have no right to be mad at him, or expect him to still care for your feelings after you broke up with him.
In my opinion it sounds like you still care for him alot, so then why'd you break up with him? and those other times?Maybe seeing an escort isnt a good thing but as a singleman, he can.
I understand your anger, but he really done nothing wrong. He saw an escort after you broke of the realtionship. Is still to expect you two are surpposed to get back together? for how long? 3 months? 6? 1 year?
Forget this happened and either move on or talk to him about where you wanna go in your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): If you split then why does it matter??????????/
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Why would you tell your friends about what he did...
And yes what he did is is ugly (doing with a call girl, while telling you to stay clean in the break-up and spending on her 350 USD) and he seems to be a kind of person who is not fully up to your standard (also because he is lying, seemingly he slept with the girl)...But I feel that you very much love him and jealous of him only too much because yours is overreacting.
-whatever the agreement it was during the break up
-it was with a call girl (it is not an emotional, repetitious,long term affair)
Yes you are right in getting upset and angry, but if he is fine in other respects and you love him, you should think twice before dumping him. If you can get him to make you persuade it will not happen again, you should give it a second try.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Well had friend of high school who worked as Escort and i she pursued me to try too. I quit on the 1st meeting which was described only as a Dinner and company to me and no sex.
Can tell you That such thing as not having sex when paid very very rarely exsist.So it could be that he didnt have sex(my friend was telling me she hasnt had sex) but i dont think thats the case.
You have every right to dump him... what he has done to you is humiliating and not respectfull at all!
So the best way is to Forget about him That he exsisted at all and move on...its hard I know but its not immposiible...
Focus on other things and try to spare as less energy and thoughts of thinking about him... It will surely need some time, but better not meet him again since that would certainly affect you..
You re expressing hard feelings of disguist here and better be away of him...
You will and Can find somebody who desrves you and your attention!! Just be strong girl!
All the best
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (8 December 2007):
I hate to tell you this, my dear, but if he spent 350 dollars on this girl it was more than he tells you it was. She was an expensive call-girl, and she was obviously providing sexual favors to him. If he said he didn’t touch her that’s called a lap dance and you can get it for twenty dollars at a local strip bar. Don’t let him fool you on that. He is a scum bag for what he did and you don’t deserve him. You are best to move on from him, if this is what he does to you now and you accept it, he will be as abusive in the future. I’m sorry this turned out this way, and I can imagine how hurt you must feel about this.
You say that you are beautiful, treated him right, and were great for him. Of that I have no doubt. What he did was an act of selfishness and downright wrong. No you don’t deserve that. No woman deserves that from her significant other… I am here always trying to defend how men can act sometimes, because we can be pigs, but what your guy did was inexcusable. You are best without him, and feel lucky that you found this out now than later when you two might have been married.
So move on, girl. You will find better men out there; Men who will be good, faithful, and honest with you. It’s the scumbags like this that make the rest of us look bad. Have some courage and learn from this, be stronger. I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): You seem to have vented your spleen quite well on here and got a lot of it out of your system!
Unless I'm missing something, you were no longer a couple when he went to the escort, so why should you be mad at him? Broken up is just that in my book, and not hanging on by a thread just in case things improve. Paying for sex is not an ideal way to get over a broken romance but it does offer certain benefits, like no strings attached sex, no emotional involvement - a strictly business deal, if you will. The escort probably agrees with your penultimate sentence - he was just a prick to her too.
If you'd chosen to talk through your problems rather than break up in the first place, you would still have been a couple, and if he'd then chosen to seek out sex or whatever elsewhere, THEN you'd have had every reason to be angry with him. As it was, he was a free agent, free to please himself and behave just as he wished.
Phil
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (8 December 2007):
 I have the same reaction, you did the right thing by leaving him.
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