New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login238753 questions, 1053974 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Moving on from FWB -- do you think he'll understand?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 December 2014) 11 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I sent a goodbye email to a guy in my life that is not healthy for me. We have known each other for 4 years but never had relationship. We only had physical only FWB. I caught feelings he didn't so we decided not to be physical or talk anymore. He contacted on Valentines day out of the blue and we started talking again but no sex for about a year now. I still have feelings and thought I could get past them. So I decided not bring him into 2015. I sent him an goodbye email and I started to cry. It was the right thing do for sure because I'm worthy of more. My question is do you think he will understand? I feel so silly that he will know I still care for him. I acted like I didn't so I feel so ashamed I had feelings for so long and it took so long to finally move on.

View related questions: move on

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 December 2014):

Honeypie agony auntYou know it's the RIGHT thing for you to do, so STOP beating yourself up over it, or second guess yourself.

YOU don't want a FWB (good for you) and HE doesn't want a relationship (at least not with you) so what reason is there to stay "friends" or in touch? NONE.

ACCEPT that you deserve more and that it is OK to WANT more.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

You ended the FWB and he knows that you care for him. If he wanted a relationship with you then he would be back. If he hasn't come back then I am afraid that he didn't want a relationship with you.

You are worried

You have done the right thing by ending this situation and should be very proud of yourself for being so strong. Don't worry about how he feels, he didn't worry about how you felt when he was getting what he wanted from you. You have freed yourself from a situation that was causing you hurt.

Him contacting you on Valentine's Day was a mean thing to do when he knew why you'd stopped the FWB. All he really wanted was an ego boost.

I agree with the other poster that a man in a FWB situation with a woman who he knows has feelings for him is, at worst, calculating and cruel and, at best, is thoughtless and selfish. You deserve more than that in a man.

Put him and your worries to the back of your mind and go no contact - if he contacts you tell him politely that you cannot have any more contact with him. Start forging ahead with your new life. Find a good man who truly wants to be with you. One day someone will mention this man's name and you'll feel nothing.

I wish you all the very best.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

Though there was a lot if discussion here about FWB and many try to convince themselves and others that a woman's part in this so called "arrangement" is equal and is as favorable as of a man, the fact is that MOST women develop feelings if the FWB situation lasts for some period of time.

Women need to understand that this arrangement and terminology was on a first place created by men. Only for their convenience. It's a dream era for guys now. Not only they can have their free and effortless sex now anytime they want without courting a woman, now they don't even have to lie to a woman, promising her relationship, now they can be " honest".

I personally think very low of guys that even are in FWB. It's a pure use of another human being for their sexual needs. He knew very well that you have feelings for him, but he couldn't care less. Very selfish.

That's why I don't really understand why do you care if he understands??

You did the right thing for yourself, and in a future I am sure you won't fall for this arrangement again.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

Why worry about what he thinks? He's not in your life anymore so occupy your mind with more relevant things. Whether he understands or not you'll never find out nor will you be able to change it. So forget about it. Part of moving on is not dwelling on what he's up to or what he thinks.

Good luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (29 December 2014):

mystiquek agony auntHonestly, no he probably won't understand. FWB relationships usually end with someone getting hurt because they start to care. Its usually the woman. Its good for you that you have chosen to cut him out of your life. Please dont feel bad about it or worry about his feelings. If he wanted to, he could have offered more but he didn't. Good for you for knowing when to leave and want more for yourself. Its hard to move on when you care about someone, especially when you know they don't return your feelings. Chin up and dont be ashamed.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (28 December 2014):

You cut off the benefits? No, he won't understand. That was the nature of the relationship. It was for the benefits.

You're forgetting the fact that you're the one who caught feelings. All he'll miss is the sex. He'll find that elsewhere.

What the heck are you feeling ashamed of? You've learned a very valuable lesson; but you have to admit you enjoyed the benefits until you realized you want and deserve more. You also learned to leave things alone; once you've cut yourself loose from something you know isn't good for you.

Shame on your part is inappropriate, my dear lady! Hold your head high! You've graduated to a higher level of thinking!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2014):

You did the right thing. Any man who will have fwb, especially knowing you have feelings, which I'm sure he did long before you told him is not a sweet/nice/good guy. That is just basically using someone for sex. I would never do fwb, not sure why people even want them but most women can't handle the emotions and do become attached and most men just see it as free sex imo, usually without even a real friendship because if you really did care for someone you wouldn't put them through that.

Don't worry about him, worry about you and don't worry that you confessed your feelings, be honest and don't be ashamed of what you feel it shows you're a caring , decent person. Another thing that shows you his true character is contacting you on valentine's day. He is probably playing on your emotions to try to start up the fwb or get his ego stroked or whatever. Again, anyone who cared wouldn't do that.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (28 December 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntOOOppppps... that should say "men".... not, "me".... since I've never found a girl who would go "FWB" with me!!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (28 December 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntOf course, he won't "understand." He sees you as a warm, soft pussy..... nothing more.... and so he has - or, will - reconcile that you've decided never to see/speak/communicate/put out for him again.... and he will get on to his next conquest......

Meanwhile.... congratulations to YOU for realizing that "FWB" really doesn't offer much to women.... but DOES make me feel like they're on top of the world (not to mention, on top of a lady!!!!).....

Good luck for your future....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (28 December 2014):

Sincerely Yours agony auntDon't worry about what he will think. In my opinion, he should not have contacted you especially on valentines day, knowing you had feelings for him. I'm sure he is a sweet guy, but that was thoughtless. Worry about yourself and leave him to his. You're doing the right thing, no need to question it.

~SY

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 December 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntFrankly, No I don't think he'll "understand" since his ONLY part in the relationship was physical. What's to understand? He's not going to get what he wants anymore? He might understand that but other than that, so what? you did what was right for you so that's a good thing the rest is water over the dam let it go. Don't be concerned with his feelings he obviously wasn't too concerned with yours. Move on learn the lessons needed to proceed with your life.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Moving on from FWB -- do you think he'll understand?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03125!