A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am going to be 35 in a month and realise that I have achieved pretty much nothing in my life...and now I am middle aged so hardly about to get better from here!I have no stability. I have no home of my own (I have a room in a shared house) And realistically, I will never own my own house.I have no family or no real friends.I have no career. I spent years working as a fashion model, but of course, I need to consider my looks will start fading. I've travelled the world and had a lot of cool experiences, met a lot of interesting people etc. But I never made tonnes, but I made enough to get by like with any regular job.I have three slipped discs so I am in chronic pain and have seen numerous doctors and specialists. There is nothing that can be done. Because of this, it is impossible for me to remain standing or sitting for too long. So, having a "normal job" is very taxing on my body as sitting or standing too long causes me to have flare ups that can render me unable to walk for a day or two. I have zero idea how I am going to support myself financially.I am single. Guys never ever ask me out. Despite having worked as a model, people have a certain "image" of me or that I get a lot of guys. But, often times, I feel unattractive and insecure because of the lack of attention I have had from men throughout my life (here in the UK). As soon as I go abroad, guys are paying me compliments and asking me out none stop. It feels now that I am getting old, that my entire youth was wasted where I am virtually ignored by men here at home. (Unless they are drunk, then of course, everyone asks me out) And I am just too old fashioned to be walking up to random guys and hitting on them. I have considering going abroad so that I could find men or dates, but seems a bit drastic. I am not into casual sex etc esp at my age! SO the whole Tinder thing etc is just not me! It is depressing because I should just be able to have guys ask me out here at home without them feel intimidated!Because I am 35 soon, which guy would want me anyway at this age? I am probably not going to be able to have children, and essentially, I have nothing to offer a guy. No career, no children, no stability etc.I look very young for my age, and I have lied about my age for many years. In my industry, it would seem natural. So, most people guess I am about 25 so this isn't even something I can talk to anyone about mid life crisis etc. Everyone says, "Oh, but you are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. You will settle down. You will find a guy. You will have kids." etc etcJust feels I am now old and have nothing to show for it. And will have even less to show for it as I get older. I have completely nothing to look forward to.
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male
reader, TheAlchemist  +, writes (26 September 2014):
Hi! From what I've read I can tell you are a confident and adventurous person. We all have moments in our lives when we feel forlorn. The trick is learning how to keep looking forward. Sometimes it can be a steep mountain to climb. But you'll make it. You know, you could write about your experiences as a model. You could start a blog or write a book or contribute to a website. There are many young women who'd relish your experiences I'm sure. If not then try photography. You could start a blog and post pictures of people who's sense of style you admire (ask them first of course). Or you could start your own modelling agency.Another cool thing to do is seek new experiences. You never know what you'll discover. Take a cooking class. Try yoga. Learn about wines. Learn a new language. Design furniture. Better yet design your own dream house to the last detail. Attend a religious service. The notion aboput new experiences is so you open up your mind.It's okay to feel down. But just keep looking forward. And things will change :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): I can definitely relate to having experienced what you are going through right now. This is also a common feeling among military veterans who choose to get out of the service.
I had a really hart time transitioning back to civilian life when I got out a few years back and was noticing that I was nowhere near accomplishing the goals that almost all of my friends had like a college education, house, career, getting married, and starting a family.
A lot of people will tell you that there's still time, you're still young, and so on... But the truth is when you're feeling down like this, those words alone are not going to help. Telling someone that they should feel better is not going to make them feel better.
Here's my advice. Talk you your doctor and tell them how you are feeling, which is basically what you posted here, and ask about getting started on an antidepressant. (WOAH, HOLD THE PHONES! Did he just say ANTIDEPRESSANT?) Yes, I did. Look at it this way. This is going to be your TEMPORARY solution for a TEMPORARY problem.
After doing this, even I noticed that I was feeling in better spirits. I then started working towards a college degree and made lots of new friends (along with keeping the old ones). And while I may still be single, I have a lot of interesting hobbies like home brewing, sailing, and I recently started taking lessons to get my private pilot license.
I was on my antidepressants for somewhere around six or eight months before both my doctor and I agreed that I didn't need them anymore (See, it's not a permanent thing).
Changes like starting a career, or finding a significant other may come slower than we want, but start doing something about it if you want a change for the better. There is nothing wrong with wanting a significant other. Don't let others tell you that you should be happy being single. definitely make the best of it while you are, but you don't need to find happiness in your being single if you are wanting to find someone special.
Maybe try being a little more proactive than normal. I know men are usually expected to be the pursuers, but there's nothing wrong with a woman going after a guy she likes.
Hope this insight helps a bit. It's just my two cents, though, looking back at how long this response has gotten, it's probably more like a dollar fifty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): I don't post very often on this site but I felt I had to after reading your tale of woe!I can't believe you are so down on yourself. Firstly you are only 35, that's not middle aged just yet. And even if it was your life is hardly over. Your obviously an attractive lady and still have plenty of child bearing years if you were to meet the right person. You have have a smart head on your shoulders and you seem a nice person so to me your quite a catch for someone. I can sympathise with your slipped disc problems having just slipped one myself recently. Mine is nowhere near as bad as yours but I know how painful it can be and how it affects every day life.I am not sure going abroad is the answer, I just think you need to build up your self confidence and be patient without thinking your life is over already!I recently turned 40 and my life is not exactly a bed of roses but you have to stay positive and believe happiness is out there somewhere for you.I find it hard to believe you have no family and friends but there are plenty of supportive people on here, including me if you need them.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 August 2014):
 Use your life experiences to build your own business - you must know travel and modelling and photography well - use one to build on.
Do it abroad if that's where your happiest - as it sounds.
Work out a business plan, get in touch with organisations who will help with start-up funds.
Be pro active and positive
It sucks when your single and don't want to be single, take a long hard look at how you project yourself, physically and personality wise. Can you see faults or bad behaviour patterns?
No?
So be the best you can be, start to change your life, get out of the rut.
Your not middle aged BTW...50 + is middle aged!
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