A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do you men that focus only on performance during sex take sex as being a chore instead of enjoyment? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Well, yes, it is a chore.I love doing my chores...God do I love it.I sure wish my work was as enjoyable as doing my chores is!Seriously, I have had a partner who thought that it must be frustrating and tedious for me to have to work on her for a half hour to bring her to the point where she could have an orgasm.When she told me this, and how it bothered her, I was shocked, particularly as she was much more experienced than I was (to this day I wonder about the guys she had sex with before...what the Hell were they doing).On my end I had been feeling like sex never lasted long enough with foreplay and intercourse being a bit stilted and shortened.When we cured that misconception, things got a lot better and she enjoyed it a lot more and felt comfortable letting it go on longer, and longer...till we got to a mutually satisfying duration.I can't speak for all men though, some might just like it quick and done.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Yes, it definitely can be. If you're inclined to finish too quickly and you're focussing more on trying to last, it can definitely take away some of the pleasure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): When I was married, I had to give backrubs as foreplay 99% of the time. Sometimes it was a bit of a chore, but sometimes i really got into it. Part of the reason the marriage failed, is it was indeed a chore for her. We stopped connecting in the bedroom.
With my new partner, she wants it so often, it is sometimes a chore to keep up when I'm not that horny, but I soon get into it, so it's not a chore realy.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (23 September 2010):
 I suppose it may be that way for those who aren't particularly attracted to their partners. ~cough~ I've never encountered that situation myself.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 True "enjoyment" from a man's perspective is providing pleasure to one's wife/girlfriend. If it was just for the satisfaction of "getting off" (which is also pleasurable in and of itself) then we'd just pleasure ourselves alone in the bathroom like most women would probably just be fine with(in my experience.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 September 2010):
 I'd assume it means they're just really into impressing the girl/really like making sure their partner is satisfied.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): i would say men are not selfish when it comes to sex coz we really want our partner to be satisfied and orgasm and thats why we '' focus '' on the performance more than enjoyment . coz we guys can reach orgasm so fast but for the girl it takes a lil bit more time,
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A
male
reader, jimrich +, writes (23 September 2010):
LOL, not since I've been watching Porn and learning lots of new and useful things. I have expanded my field of awareness and methods vastly through excellent porn examples - especially from Lesbians - and it's making a big positive difference in all aspects of my sexual activities. I don't tell my wife "Honey, I learned that from porn" but I just do it and she loves it. I might add that, although I seldom see good examples of tender love and affection in Porn, the confidence and knowledge I have gained affords me better and deeper confidence in my actions so I am now expressing more sensitive and caring love than back when I was afraid or confused by sex and body parts such as her Clitoris, etc. Porn has really helped me a lot to know about and accept certain things and physical parts that I used to fear or resist. The best thing is that, should I have an early ejaculation, I have methods and means to continue on and please my partner even if I'm finished for the moment. I would recommend watching porn to anyone who feels a need to improve their sex life. The examples are terrific and also fun!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): For us, sex is not a chore, it is a must! It is an enjoyable act probably more important than food. The women has to be really nasty and smelly for it to be a chore! Hope that helps!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (23 September 2010):
 I've never thought of it as a "chore". I don't focus on technique or performance every time. I don't find that that kind of focus makes it more work. Usually the reward, in the form of her obvious enjoyment, is well worth the effort.
What is a chore is back rubs. Just work little reward. I understand that sometimes it is necessary to get her to relax enough to consider something more fun. Almost any other foreplay activity is fun enough not to be a chore.
FA
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (23 September 2010):
 Depends on the mood. Some days, I love putting on the performance and making her go wild. Other days, I really just want a quickie, and the effort of foreplay and lasting long is just not as appealing as taking matters into my own hands.
Sure, if she wants it when I don't, I'll do my best anyway. I like seeing people happy. But for the most part, focussing on the performance is enjoyable and gratifying.
The difference here is that, while the thought of putting on a show may seem like a chore when you're not in the mood, once you get started, that feeling tends to go away.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 For me and hopefully my girlfriend it's about bonding and enjoyment, if it ever becomes a chore then it's not a healthy relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): I have never met a man that thought sex was a chore. I always found they whined for more!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 September 2010):
No! Focus means we want it!
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