A
male
age
41-50,
*houldisaybye
writes:Okay I have met a girl that I know my brother has slept with it was about three to four months before I met her. I decided that it was okay. I will just forgive and try to move on. After we dated for a little while I began to feel a love for her and it scared me. I didn't know I could feel this way about someone. Then my brother calls me up one day and says "Did you get her to take her shirt off yet." That is what I was questioning her at the time. It made me mad that he knew such things about her. So I left her thinking NO... right. Well I started to miss her badly so I thought I would give it another try. During the time period (6 weeks) of me going through this in my mind she kissed one of my friends. She said that she did not know I was coming back she thought it was over. I missed her so just a kiss okay I can look over this. Now She has had my child and I thought cool a child out of love this is going to be great. However she is young or at least to me. She is 26 and I am 36 so I think its her age and or mentality.Should I be looking all this stuff over and forgive. I don't marry for a child only for the love and that needs to be a two way street. She says she does love me but the actions that one takes is not showing it. She says that I was not there for the baby when born but she did not want to live with me. She lives with her mom and grandma with no job. She is also mad that I moved my ex wife back in to the house. However my ex and I wont get back together, we are good friends due to the son that we had together. She came in from out of town for me to see my son and stayed here during the summer for me to see my son. I wouldn't sleep with my ex. Her and I just don't do that, call it good morals or something. My girlfriend is accusing me of sleeping with her. She says how do I know, I wasn't there. All this just seems immature. I was being a good father being there for my son. What should I do... get rid of her or can I love her enough and rise her? I am now wanting and thought about marriage? That is really scary knowing she may not be faithful?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 September 2010):
 First, I'm curious as to why you think marriage requires a greater commitment than having a kid. "I don't marry for a child only for the love." You may benefit from reexaming your priorities. Or did she get pregnant without bothering to inform you?
Second, don't marry her. I advise against it in general (modern legal system has destroyed it - five minutes with google should tell you everything you need to know), but this sounds ilke a particularly high-risk case. I don't know if she'll cheat on you (I suspect yes), but she *will* leave you and take all your assets. She already is angry at you over how you dealt with your ex-wife. She has your kid, so she can claim child support.
While I'd consider the woman a lost cause, you still have children to worry about. I have no idea how to handle them, but you *must* make your children your priority. They need a father, and a stable one at that. Good luck.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Why did you move your ex wife back in your house? Why not ask this girl to move in with me? I'm confused by your actions, if you want to be with this girl and are thinking long term here why back track and move your ex back in your living space? What does that say about you? By that action alone, I'm no thinking you want anything long term. Yeah, you may be friends with your ex wife and you share a child but, it's your ex and you guys divorced for a reason.
I don't see this girl as immature, she may have no job due to the economy but could be avidly trying to find one and by her kissing another guy, you guys weren't together so I see no problem with it. Did you not support her when your second child was born? Do you give her any money to help out seeing as she has no income at the moment? Marriage isn't the answer here when you have these problems at hand. If you really want to be with her, then talk to her about it. And your ex wife needs to move back out. However, if you feel like you can't trust her then move on from her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 September 2010):
 You love her but wasn't there when she had the baby. How come? You visited her in the hospital, right?
She loves you but didn't want to live with you. So she's okay with living with you now?
When your ex wife stayed at your place does it mean you don't have intimate time with your girlfriend the whole summer?
Marriage would sound like the right thing to do but not right now. There is no trust. You don't know each other well enough. You don't know her plans.
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