A
female
age
30-35,
xLovex
writes:There are so many posts on the issue of teacher and student relationships. These questions are anything from "Doe's he love me""I can't forget him""I love him""Is it the teachers fault""I want to tell him"I think that the real question here is do we really love our teachers?I once felt, being a 15 year old student, that I "loved my teacher" and after coming on here felt infuriated by people constantly telling us teenagers that it's just a childish crush and you don't now what love is. No one person can tell another - you don't now what love is. But I think that the problem is the way students misread there feelings as it is new. When we are children we learn that we cry we are upset. When we smile we are happy. But when do we ever get taught what love is?Did Romeo and Juliet realy love each other is a common debate. People feel they were too young and niave, others feel they realy loved each other due to the polar differences between romeo and juliets relationship and romeo and paris'. But are we misreading our 'new' feelings which we feel as love as maybe it could be we admire our teachers. Admiration is a form of passion. Love is a form of passion. There isn't a big difference between the two which could be why it can be soo easily misread.When I think of my ideal role model I would like them to be: - Caring - Supportive - Patient - Mature - Friendly - and have principlesPeople commonly ask is it the teachers or the students fault for the infatuation. Well is it really the teachers? They care about our future - resulting in them putting an extra effort into making sure that we do the best we possibly can. So having said it like that is it the teachers fault? No! So then if its not the teachers then surely it's the students right? No again. I decided to explore my 'feeling' for my teacher and I realised that I don't love him but I admire him as a role model. I want to be like him not with him. I feel that the issue with teenage 'infatuations', so they are called, are just a result of not being able to read our feelings. I feel yes, some people really do love there teacher, but it is important that if you do feel that way that you explore the reason why you like them. But if you at all like your teacher for principles and you want to tell your teacher becuase you want to take it to the next level, wouldn't they be abusing their position thus breaking their prinicples if they did. I felt it was important to write this article becuase there are soo many posts on how people love there teachers and a lot of replies from people saying it is a childish crush. So is it a childish crush? I think not. I think it's just a lack of being able to recognise and distinguish the difference between our feelings.
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female
reader, Kate. +, writes (23 June 2010):
I think your answer is very black and white. I know the difference between "LOVE" & "ADMIRATION" I have experienced both in my short life time. I have loved and still love someone for coming up 6 years, I will never be with them but I know I love them and yes I do admire them but that's because when you love someone you are bound to admire them the same as a wife admires her husband. So this clear cut you can't love them because you admire them is utter rubbish of course you can. I know what love feels like and I know that my love for this one guy is love and not admiration. Although I do admire him a wee bit too. But I think that a teenager does know their own feelings, growing up and becoming a teenager is about finding yourself, knowing the person you are, who you want to vote for, what music you really like, what annoys you, what doesn't annoy you, whether you wanna learn to drive at 17, what subjects you wanna study, what job you wanna do etc. I think at 13 you know your own mind, you know what love is. You know what it feels like to you. You know more about yourself than others do and therefore you know if you love or admire someone or even both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): U know u are so right in many ways n now that I think about it
The reason I have a massive obsession with my teacher was because he is like a father figure n I love him like a father in that caring way which is of course nott allowed :(
Thx x
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I think you are on the right track. I completely agree with how in most cases you mistake admiration for love, but I don't think it always to be the case. I am 18 and have feelings for my coach. He is an amazing role model and I look up to him so much. I would never try to peruse a relationship with him because that would not only be inappropriate but I know that while he is my coach he would never have anything to do with me in a romantic way, and if he did then he would not be the kind of guy I would want anyway. I do believe that my feelings are not just admiration, but I think it is more that then love. He is the type of guy I one day hope to marry, he has strong convictions and pursues God above all else. He volunteers his time to help those younger them him. I could go on and on about him but I think you get the picture. He frequently asks my opinion on plays and stuff and usually uses what I tell him. We are friends outside of soccer and we talk about other stuff and have fun, but usually in groups with other people. I doubt anything will ever happen between us more then friendship but I do know that what he had taught me (life lessons and such) will always stay with me. He is exactly the kind of guy I want and that God wants for me, even though I know I could never deserve him. So I do admire him as well as love him. He has made a huge impact on my life for the better and has helped me grow in my relationship with God. I could never deserve him, I pray that the girl he chooses is worthy of him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): To the latest anonymous poster: Wow, I know how it feels when you're trying to get over an older guy. Especially when you're not sure, and they've been blowing hot and cold, so to speak... I'm also a teenage girl getting over an older guy. I actually wrote an article with my tips on how to do so, you could read it if you like :):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-crush-on-an.html
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reader, xLovex +, writes (5 September 2009):
xLovex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi I am the orignal poster of this question
To the latest poster: I can completely understand your point when I wrote this I was (and I still am) bestfriends with my teacher. I wont lie he was very attractive and had an amazing personality but this was the time i realised I much rather respected and admired him than loved him. I wasnt trying to say that NO ONE loves their teacher.. of cource this is not true due to circumstances and the differences in the people actually involved. As for wanting to spend time with the teacher, I spent alot of time with mine. We are bestfriends and he helped me incredibly with my work I am now an A grade student and I know enjoy subjects I never liked. I am sorry to hear he is brushing you off because if my teacher did that to me I would probably feel like you might be feeling like you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): Take it from someone who's going through this situation right now. You can love your teacher.
You're all absolutely right. Sometimes it's addmiration. Sometime's it's because through some rough times, they saw you through it with some sort of, fatherly, or motherly, touch.
But sometimes. They do cross the lines themselves. I stayed after school almost every Friday. To see him, to talk to him. We talked about everything. & I longed to see him everyday. Yes, I am attracted to him, emotionally and physically. Sex, is an interest. But in no means once so ever would I ever wish to pursue any kind of relationship other than friendship.
Which, as I passed his class and moved up a grade, I had wished to continue.
Unlike him, on the other hand. He's a complete. Hm. I'm not sure how to explain it. He ignores me. I get that vibe that I'm no longer wanted. When, just the year before, we spent so much time together. I don't understand how he could just do that to me. I'm not the most secretive person, but I most definatly didn't tell anyone my feelings for him, nor did I assume he'd discovered them. No, he's not dumb, but I don't think he's really caught on.
I just recently started school up again, and I've made several attempts to discuss our summers and whatnot with him. Each time, he's blown me off.
I do wish I could just simply move on and get over him, but. My younger sibling has him now. So much has happened between us, I'm afraid of everything that things could mean.
I'm of course leaving many details, important details, because of my embarrasment to be even looking this subject up online, especially how recent the whole love thing happened.
If anyone, has any comments at all. Please. dont hesitate to answer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): You're so right, and people should read this and explore their feelings. Because us teenagers get admiration and love so mixed up, even so that we don't even know the difference, and what we really do feel.
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female
reader, xLovex +, writes (26 October 2008):
xLovex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for sharing that smartazngirl
Its a shame it didnt work out :(
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reader, smartazngirl  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 Yes, you have a lot of points there.
It isn't the teacher's or student's fault. No one is at fault. It just happened.
And yes, no one can tell another person that they don't know what love is. Because do we really know what love is? We don't know if we do. Think about it: Life is so mysterious. Love is the one of the most mysterious things of all!
When I was in middle school, I had a crush on my 60 year old PE teacher. I loved him because of his heart (notice that I say "love" and not "in love".) I was the really shy type and couldn't really do the best obvious flirting style ever. But I guess it became obvious after a few lame "attempts" I tried. We had nothing sexual, of course. But I was very hurt that I couldn't talk to him anymore. And he seemed to be avoiding me. I thought about suiciding & many other things. My days passed through as if I was in a dream. Then, I finally talked to him on the last day of school. I asked him if he hated me, but he said "You're a 14 year old girl". That was his answer. And he pushed me away... We haven't talked to each other since. I miss him very much.
I knew that our relationship would never work but, I wanted it to last as a close teacher-student relationship. Sadly, it didn't...
Anyways, I don't think my feelings for my teacher was just a crush. I think it was more. I think it was "love", but not "romantic love". Though, I did sexually fantasize about him, I don't really want to have sex with him.
I wouldn't call my crush a bad experience but, it did left... a big hole in my heart. And the hole is still there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): I posted this on another thread a while back, and feel it's relevant. I believe that sometimes, it truly is love
I went to an all girls boarding school. In my eyes, this is a terrible thing for any parent to force upon a child, as although I know my parents sent me there because it was a very good school, whilst in such an establishment, one develops a fairly unbalanced view of life.
As my school was a good five hours drive from my home, I didn't go home often at all, and thus the only male contact I had was with the male teachers, of which there weren't many.
One of these teachers took my A level english lessons, and from the moment I first set eyes on him, I developed this immense crush on him. He was 34, and was really nice to me. I used to seee him a lot around the grounds outside of lessons and we'd often, having met by chance, walk around the grounds chatting about anything and everything - he was just lovely to me.
Anyway, as time went on we got closer, and one day whilst on one of thes walks (which we had started arranging to go on by now), he took me down into the bit of woodland at the edge of the grounds. Once we were truly out of sight, he turned to come face to face with me, and he kissed me. Of course, I kissed him back, and I will never forget the feel of that first kiss, with him running his hand through my hair.
Anyway, after this, we did indeed continue on to start having sex on a fairly regular basis. I was (and am today to some extent) totally in love with him - he was so nice to me.
However, unlike the OP's experience, our relationship did not go sour. I left 6th form three years ago now, and am in my penultimate year at university. I still meet up with him, and speak to him on the phone on a regular basis, and his support has helped me through a lot of things.
I know pupil-teacher relationships are often bad, and are indeed not something which should take place in the first place, but I just wanted to put in a different point of view. Feel free to message me.
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reader, ItsEmma +, writes (25 August 2008):
 I agree with you on many things. About how could any outsider REALLY say that they aren't in love with their teachers. But, you have to give teenagers a bit more credit. They know feelings pretty well--having about fourteen or so years to experience them. With some it may be an infatuation, with some it may be an admiration, but with some, we can't exclude, maybe they DO love their teachers.
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reader, Onlyofyou1039 +, writes (24 August 2008):
thanks. I really liked this article. Some of what was said was quite good. :)I don't think of him as a role model as much as I do as a lover. But who knows. Maybe it is possible to lust over a teacher for 2 years even though you think its love. :/
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female
reader, xLovex +, writes (24 August 2008):
xLovex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for taking your time to read this. I believe that yes teenagers can love there teachers I'm not trying to say that it isn't true at all. I just want teenagers to rethink and evaluate there feelings before they consinder telling there teacher or acting on there feelings. I also want other people to see that it's not always the teachers or the students fault. Yes in some cases it is, but in quite alot of posts I've read it's not either. Believe me I know what it is like when some one tells me what I am feeling and I don't want this question to sound that way.Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): Hello.
You may be right there, but I think on some level you could be wrong. Sometimes these things just happen and teenagers may misread their feelings but 95 percent of the time they are in love with their teachers. This is usually because of the level of maturity shown from the teachers, normally it is the stereotyped girl that falls in love with their teacher. I believe that what they feel for their teacher is love, no matter if it's ' in love' or they just love their teacher for who they are, teenagers do feel it. Sure in your situation it may have just been the fact that he was a role model.
I assume the ones who are in love with their teachers are the ones that are willing to question it, sometimes they don't want to believe that they are in love with someone 14 years older than them or more or less.
But this article could be correct in some positions. But you must know that teenagers don't like to be told what they're feeling, and they have to figure it out out for themselves. That is life, whether they decipher it the way you have or as something else.
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