A
male
age
30-35,
*irefighter08
writes:I have been dating this girl on and off for 3 years (mostly on). We have been through so much stuff. From our family's hating the other, to jealousy, to control issues, etc.)Well, we broke up about two years in for almost four months. We broke up because I was having some major jealousy problems. During our break-up my girlfriend had sex with nine other guys during that time. She says she was just living life, and she always thought of me when she did it. But if she did, then why did she do it? Considering she says she regrets it now.I understand that we weren't together, and I understand that I shouldn't let it bother me, but I can't help it. It does.I am the only guy who was able to make her orgasm. But when I asked her, she said that I wasn't the biggest. It really bothered me, but, I managed to live with it for the past nine months. And during that time I have been proving to her that I am not the jealous type anymore.Then, all of the sudden, about a month ago, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't make the pain I felt when I had those thoughts go away. I tried to talk to her about it, and she keep quoting a bible verse to me. It is like I Corithians 15 or something like that. The one that says "love is patient, love is kind, love isn't jealous". Neither her nor myself are very religious people. I know it has been causing us problems. I feel that this is a big part of the reason that I have lost that fabled "spark".Don't get me wrong. Other than that, she is amazing. She always shows her love, she tells me all the time how happy I make her, she does the little things for me, just to show her love. It should make me feel amazing, but it doesn't anymore.Part of me wants to work it out with her, cause I really feel as if we have/could have something special. But another part of me wants to go out and live life. Maybe do the same thing. Cause I had the chance to do it. I just didn't. I just really don't know what to do.I love her and want to be with her? but at the same time I don't? Any and all suggestions/advice would be nice.Also, please understand that I'm not trying to make it out that she is the only one to do things wrong in the relationship. It just seems that way, as it is from my point of view.Thanks.
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female
reader, lostone +, writes (28 December 2008):
Hi,
People can do all sorts of stupid or reckless stuff that seems completely out of character and honestly regret it later. It's been a few months now since your girlfriend did what she did, hasn't it? A lot could have changed in her mind during that time. If she was thinking of you when it happened then I think she was just using sex to try to fill the gap she felt without you, but maybe didn't want to admit it. Or maybe she had been feeling kind of trapped in the relationship (not because there was anything wrong, you're young, that can be a phase) and during your break she was trying to make up for lost time? I know that sounds horrible but I don't know how to put it in another way.
Whatever the matter, it happened but it's over, and she regrets it now. It did not make her happy. YOU make her happy, which is why she is with you. It seems like these thoughts are chipping away at your patience with her when everything else seems to be fine. Do you think the part of you that wants to go out and be wild is just trying to give her a taste of how it feels? I can understand your jealousy. She should too, and SHE should be patient and listen when you feel hurt by it. But try to take solace in the fact that she is with you. She loves you. That should be the most important thing. Try to make each other happy.
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 Whatever broke you up the first time, my dear, is still there. If you continue to pursue her, you will break up faster each time.
The 9 times doesn't bother me-you were apart then and uncommitted...sex for women is different in that they give themselves body and soul. The 9 times just means she kept trying to latch onto a new guy to forget you and move on. But there were no takers. Each of those 9 felt that she wasn't for them.
Now you wonder if she is for you.
The fatal blow was when she compared sizes to you. That was a bonehead thing for her to say-so much so, that I think it may have been a way to hurt you.
My advice: make it a no-fault clean break. Move on, start fresh with someone new.
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