A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a guy in a long-distance relationship and I'm wondering how often we should communicate. I've known him for 4 months and we've been dating for 2 months now. He's a Ph.D student (getting his Ph.D next spring) and he also teaches. We talk about 2 or 3 times a week, each conversation being 3 hours long on average. I understand that he's busy with his academic goals at this time and I fully support him. But is it common for couples in long-distance relationships to communicate just 2 or 3 times a week? At the beginning, we used to talk 5 times a week. I never call him. I text or email him then he calls me, but rarely right away. Usually, we talk the following day. I've talked to him about having shorter 30-minute conversations each day rather than 3-hour conversations three times a week, but he doesn't think 30 minutes is enough time and once we start talking he doesn't want to stop. Because of the time difference, he always stays up later than I do to talk to me, but he never heeds my reminders for him to go to bed. I feel that if I ask him to talk more often, I would appear needy, but sometimes I really miss him. Is he feeling more comfortable with the relationship and thus not feel as if he needs to talk to me as often? If he really cares, shouldn't he be able to find more time for me? Is it common to feel this way or should I just find hobbies to keep myself busy? By the way, I'm 21 and he's 27.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): It cannot be stressed enough how important communication is for every relationship, especially if it is an LDR. With the distance working to keep you and your sweetie apart, your defense is keeping all lines of communication open. It doesn't matter how you do it as long as you do it. Every long distance couple should find ways to communicate that make both partners comfortable and happy. You can talk on the phone everyday, send e-mails, faxes or text messages and whatever you do make sure you share your feelings and expectations and be true to one another.
There is no set number, but the key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive.
Check the long distance relationships website http://www.waiit.com for more advice
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Im in one now, we talk everyday and sometimes every second day ranging from 30 minutes to an hour a half a night before bed. During the day we txt or use msn, but not always, it really depends on what we are doing! To be honest i hate talking for so long, because after a while you will run out of things to talk about, thats why LDR's can be hard. I suggest talking for less...the 30 minutes a day you mentioned is perfect! 3 hours is way to long! you will soon start getting bored of eachother. Try less and you will soon start to miss eachother more and the phone calls will become heaven. YOU DONT WANT IT TO TURN MUNDANE! goodluck!
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 Can you just explain to me.Have you met him? and if not how do you "Date someone" you've never meet and still haven't.
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