A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together for 4 years, yesterday was our anniversary, actually. Anyway, our sex life has been generally pretty good except for me riding him.I've NEVER had problems with it in past relationships but for some reason our bodies just doesn't mesh well when I'm on top of him. The reason being - he has wide hips and I have big thighs so when I straddle him my knees/legs are basically pushed into his hips, not leaving much actual moving space at all. There's no space allowed for me to bounce (move up and down) so I'm usually left rocking back/forth and grinding (with my hands placed at his head) and as a result of this problem I don't ride him very often nor get very excited to do so.I've rode him in the past, like I described earlier and sometimes it worked and sometimes it wouldn't. Me on top, in this relationship, is just not going well which really hurts 'cause this is the first time in my life I've been in love.. and he's even said the same about me.Saturday evening/night we had sex 4x, all of which was doggy and him being on top. He came all 4x. Our 5th time started out with a hardcore make out session in which he climbed on top of me and we started our thing.. I told him to lay down and I'd get on top. He rolls over, lies down and as soon as I pretty much get it in and start moving, he loses his boner.He told me the reason why is because he just laid there on his back not doing anything, no movement on his part and he got relaxed. He also said it's because the lights were off this time and me climbing on top made it even harder to see me than it was when I was below him. He said we went from hardcore making out/groping and him doing the work to all of a sudden him lying there doing nothing and on top of that he couldn't see me at all, and that it caused him to lose his boner. He told me while I was still on top to start kissing him and he'd get it back up, so I did. We started making out and he started getting a semi but because he lost it in the first place, the mood was basically shot. I just got off him and laid down in the bed. I know he felt really bad, I could see it in his eyes. He brushed my face with his hand, said he was sorry and that he knows it made me feel bad and that he cares about how I feel. He said it had nothing to do with me and that had the lights have been on it probably would have been fine. He told me that the last time I did it it was great. However, I've rode him in total darkness before and he could keep it up, which makes me question the truth about why it really happened. He told me, more than once, that even in a dark-ish room that he can see my face/body more when he's able to look down at me than when I'm on top of him with my hair down in our faces and my boobs down at his chest. After it happened, we just laid in bed and it was unbelievably uncomfortable. We eventually started acting normal, watched some tv, ate and went to sleep. About 4 hours later, at like 3am, he woke up so we fucked.. with him on top (of course) in which he got off. Then we went went back to sleep, woke up around 9 and done it again (him on top) and he got off yet again. He claims he's super attracted to me and definitely acts like it so I don't know why it happened but it's bothering the hell out of me. It makes me feel like crap to where I don't even look forward to seeing him anytime soon. My riding skills with this man, and ONLY this man, are absolutely horrible for whatever reason and this happening only makes it worse for me. Any nice reassuring words would be really appreciated.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 November 2014):
 All you can really do, is check of "riding him" off the to do list.
My guess is he is NOT as turned on when he is not in control, or simply.. the lights were off and while it felt good, he simply got sleepy. I mean seriously... you did it 4 times already. A guy has to recharge. Unlike us ladies who can have MULTIPLE orgasms MULTIPLE times, men can't. We can also have NONE, whereas that is more rare for men.
THERE isn't a set standard.
IT DOESN'T mean there is something LACKING with you (or him) - your "riding skills" are not in question. You wanted it to be JUST like it had with someone else, but that is NOT how sex works. Some positions work REALLY well for some couple, doesn't work so well for others. YOU two have to find what works for YOU TWO. It's all about how your "puzzle pieces" FIT.
A
male
reader, lyonsdown  +, writes (11 November 2014):
 You're worrined about him not coming once in 5 fucks??
Believe me you've got more important things to worry about.
Do you think your bf is a robot?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2014):
 Do not take it so personally! Guys are not machines, some times they can lose their erection for absolutely no particular reason. I would take his word for it, he knows his body after all. But why does he have to prove to you he is attracted to you... You had sex 4 times, is it not possible he was just tired!?! You seem to have very high demands of how he should perform, and then take it personal when he cant, for whatever reason.
You even said yourself that you dont get much out of riding him. So why do you insist that he must like it when you dont evedn like it yourself.. I say it is time to stop forcing it. If you on top like that doesnt work, then stop doing it. There are zillion of other positions and angles. Have you for example tried reverse cowgirl? Or sideways? Or leaning back instead of forward, so your hands are on his thighs and not by his head?
Just stop taking it personally. A guy feels emmasculated enough when he cant keep it up, he doesnt need to have to defebd himself as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2014): Have you considered that maybe he was just tired from a mammoth sex session? I think you need to talk it through with him and possibly try again. He obviously finds you very attractive - maybe there are other ways you could make it work eg with a pillow under his bottom or something similar?
If that doesnt work maybe just accept that you need to stick to other ways of enjoying yourself!
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