A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I'm in a long distance relationship and we're really in love with each other, however we never met but he's planning to come from Germany to my country when he graduates next october to meet for the first time... he says that he wants to marry me potentially and of course that's what I want too... the problem is we don't know anything about our futur, whenever I ask him how and where does he see us 2 years from now he says that he has to graduate first and get a job and then he would know. It's hard and I just dont want to be in a long distance relationship for too long, I mean the point of this kind of relationship is that one of the partners will sacrifice their home, family and friends to be next to each other and I guess that would be me and I'm okay with it because I think he is worth it. And also if we are going to get married, I don't know how our families will meet? Because of our both current financial situations it will be really hard to get our families together... what do you think? do u have any advice?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 June 2012):
 STOP THE INSANITY!
“We’re really in love with each other HOWEVER we’ve never met”
I’m going to hurt your feelings here but I am going to be honest…
YOU can’t LOVE someone you have never met. You can love the idea of them, you can love talking to them.. you can love the anticipation of meeting them… you can love the idea of loving them but YOU CAN’T LOVE THEM… you don’t KNOW them. Even if you say you know each other on line…. Who a person is on paper, on a computer screen or over the phone is DIFFERENT from who they are IRL… trust me on this one.
The fact that a man who has never met you says he wants to marry you should be a big huge RED FLAG to you… how can he even think he wants to make a commitment to someone he’s never met IRL… what if you guys have NO chemistry?
The fact that you are worried about the FAMILIES meeting means you aren’t really considering this as adults.
I met a man IRL who lived two hours away by car. We started a relationship in December 2010… but we saw each other on weekends… first once a month, then twice a month and shortly after that we were EVERY WEEKEND… and by June 2011 we were seeing each other 3-4 nights a week on average…
In December 2012 he gave up his whole life, his friends, his job, his apartment EVERYTHING and moved down to be with me full time. We are getting married in October… I’ve never met his family… (well a few cousins but not his mom or his sister) He has not met my brother but he’s met my dad once and only because we took a trip to see him… FAMILY is not who you marry… if you live one place and your family a different place he may never meet them and that’s really ok… GROWN UPS don’t need family approval to do things. You’re thinking indicates an immaturity about relationships that has to be worked on before you can move forward.
Now here are the things LDRS need:
Trust
Honesty
Communication
REGULAR VISITS
A PLAN TO END THE DISTANCE
The last two need FUNDS on a regular basis and TIME…
You live in two different countries
You are young
You have not met yet
You are asking about two years from now when for all you know the first time you meet you may find that there is NOTHING there.
STOP planning the future with him… start figuring out if you have a way to meet any time soon (like in the next few months)
IF you guys can manage to meet and see each other at least 4 times a year, then you may want to consider continuing this relationship otherwise, I’d let it go.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 I agree with Tisha. I think it is very hard to know a person well if you have never met him, besides the fact that neither one of you are in good financial situations. How could you possibly plan any kind of future? I think online relationships can have a place in life, but to uproot yourself from your family, culture, and everything you know to make a major committment to someone you have never met is going overboard. I agree with your guy that you can't make future plans because neither of you are in the position to do so. Please take the time to meet this guy in person and get to know him and his values better. Also, I would suggest you search for other posts on here of online relationships and moving to different countries. Many of these situations where people have never met and go on to get married do not end up on good note.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 I think you are putting your present on hold for some very nebulous future plans. I think you should recognize that this may not be a truly viable longterm relationship and that it may be healthiest for you to decide to let him go. If he can come visit you, if the financial situation changes, then you can revisit the relationship, but right now, what you have is a cyberpenpal bond that will keep you from finding a viable relationship in real life in your own hometown. I think it's a very sad situation but wishful thinking and hoping a lot doesn't change the fundamental distance between you two. And that distance is not merely physical, it's cultural as well. I think you are setting yourself up for a really deep heartache. Sorry, I would sadly tell him that it's just not sensible or practical for you two to put your lives on hold like this.
If you had met, if you did have the funds to visit one another, if your families had met, this might be a different situation. If you have never met, you really don't know if he is truly right for you, sorry to say.
Good luck.
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