A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid I only have been married for 5 years now (I got married when I was 50) I figured I only wanted to get married once in my life. I wanted to grow old with someone I loved. When I was younger I was wild child. I had a diffrent girlfriend almost every month or at least I thought I did. Since then I have grown up. I thought I loved my wife but as the years past she has shown less and less attention to me. And it's only been 5 years. She seems to like sex when we have it but we could go for months without having sex. Two things she is a little older than me (59) and she is asian. She is very conservitive. We are food people so we like to go out and eat in diffrent restraunts. We seem to always bring her x sister inlaw out with us. She is still a big part of the family because she has two boys from my wifes brother. No matter, they have been divorced for over 10 years. Recently The x sister inlaw and myself have been texting back and forth. I consider it flirting. She is 10 years younger than me, which excites me. When we go out or even meet up at family functions she actually shows me more attention than my wife. I don't know if it is innocent flirting on her part. I am raw if a woman shows me attention when I am not getting it at home what do you think is going to happen. Oh by the way I know I mentioned she is 10 years younger than me but she is hot and her presonality even makes her hotter. She is asian also. I am afraid to ask her if she is just friendly flirting with me or does she want to take this to the next level. When I got married I told myself thats it. I am settling down and I really believed that until recently. The x sister inlaw is always around the family. They treat her like she never got divorced from the brother even though he is remarried. My wife will probably be devastated if this ever comes out. Is it true I made my bed and now I have to sleep in it? I need some advise. Most of my friends are either dead or in jail I have no one to talk to. With the younger woman I don't know, she wants to flirt but its hard to tell where shes at. Unless I come out and ask her a direct question and it seems I am afraid of the Answer. Cupid I have been shot with the arrow through my heat, is there a cure?
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (30 June 2012):
 Dear William,
Forget about the ex-sister in law. Cheating is unacceptable, but worst you don't mess with family. Not only you will destroy your marriage, but also destroy the ex-sister relationship with her family. I promise you that you'll regret. In regards to your marriage, not too much detail to give you a concret answer, however I don't understand why your wife will get angry at you when you complimented her? That's an odd behavior... I hope you can be happy with your wife. I understand that it's difficult to find quality time when both of you have such working schedule, but honestly if you both truly love each other, you'll make the best at any second you have. Doesn't take much go smile, give each other a hug, have a cup of coffee. Anyways, wish you the best. Y
A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 I suggest you seriously have a sit down with your wife. ask her why she doesn't like you complimenting her often. tell her that you want her to feel confident about herself and that you don't understand why she shoves the compliments away. you two should try and bring.some spark back into the relationship. I suggest having a great day out that also ends with a great night too ;). maybe go somewhere meaningful to you both, or go out for a Romantic meal or something. if you're efforts fail, tell her that you're unhappy and want her to do something aswell because it takes two to tango as they say. you need to get past being that typical man who doesn't open up to her emotions, try your best to get youre feelings across and don't let her sharp attitude shut you up.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I just think you are in a situatino that a lot of people find themselves in. Why would you want to continue in a marriage that is filled with conflict. I know these situations very well because I've observed them. I believe your wife is biting your head off for things that she should appreciate. I do not know the whole story behind your relationship, but that is why I left my ex. Constant arguing over dumb things, intimacy (all intimacy not just sex) disappeared, he stopped contributing to the relationship at all, etc. It was not a good way to live. I just can't see you staying with someone who treats you this way when you are someone who is passionate about life (not just sex). Besides, it doesn't matter whether you are looking for a way out or not. That is your business. I think you have reasons that would make me leave because it isn't worth staying with someone with whom you are miserable. Everyone deserves to be happy and sometimes these things don't work out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs I previously mentioned I am 55 yrs old. Sometimes when it comes to the matters of the heart I might not seem like I am that old in some of the decisions I make. Like flirting with the x sister inlaw. The reason I say that is if I wanted out of the marriage I would get out. I don't need an excuse like sleeping with another woman to help me make that decision. No doubt we all could go get laid from someone else thats the easy part.Just to update everyone who has been helpful to me with all the good and bad advice even if I didn't want to hear the bad but stuck it out. After texting the x sister a couple more times going back and forth yesterday. She writes that I am thinking to much into it that we are family. You know it took me probably 5 or 6 hours before I ansewered her. I really needed to think about what I was going to say to her. Even after all the good and bad advice I didn't want the flirting to end. It was simple but complicated. I just finally text her back and said Your right. I wanted to text her and say your not right. She text me back a smiley face.I still feel like I am in a rut. Oh by the way my wife did almost bite my head off when I told her her hair looked good or what ever I told her that day. She got nasty to a point that I walked out. I don't like arguing period. Especially over petty things. Anyway thats where I'm at this early morning. My wife works from 11am to 11pm. I work from 4:30 am to 4:30pm or what ever time I get home. She dosen't go to bed until 3 or 3:30 in the morning thats the time I am getting up to go to work. I really believe if we didn't have these crazy hours we probably wouldn't have been married as long as we have been. And 5 years isn't even a drop in the bucket when it comes to marriage. Thanks Again everyone.
William Tell
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2012):
 Sounds like you are looking for a way out of the marriage. And excuse to get out.
So sit down, think long and hard and decide what you want to do. Work on your marriage or throw in the towel and be single.
Obviously your wife isn't happy either, or she would be going out constantly with friends and she certainly wouldn't bite your head of over a compliment.
Sit her down (when you have made a decision) and talk to her.
As for the flirting with the ex-SIL - don't take that any further. First of all you can't fix a broken marriage by trying to have sex with another woman. Second of all, you SHOULD know that it is just plain WRONG.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (21 June 2012):
It doesn't sound like you are very happy in your marriage, and maybe your wife isn't fulfilling her marriage vows. If that is the case, I would seriously think about getting a separation/divorce. Some people don't think sex is a good enough reason to divorce someone, but I have been in a relationship where the sex and all other intimacy stopped and I know how it feels. Needless to say I am no longer in that relationship. I can not see you staying with this woman if she is not making you happy. Life is too short to be miserable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBelieve me this was all great advise. Yes I am 55 now and I do know better. I also love and respect my wife.I do not put blame on my wife even though I feel neglected. I should have probably lived with her before I decided to marry her.Furthermore I ask her why we don't have sex as much as we use to,basically when I ask her that the question is pretty much avoided. She likes going out with her girl friends all the time. And from her own mouth they are batting for the other team. Thats not a problem as long as my wife is not in the line up if you know what I mean, if she is she should tell me I don't have a problem with that.We both could go our own way. I cain't cry over spilled milk.I think flirting is healthy to a point. I honestly didn't think I was going to feel the way I feel. I 'm talking and Talking my x sister inlaw probaly thinks its all innocent. I have been going to the gym to work out my frustrations lately. I know the right thing to do is either get out of the marriage and be single then do my own thing or try to do my best to resolve any issues between my wife and myself. Maybe one of the writers was right when she said I didn't grow up yet.I guess time will tell. Oh I would hate to see an arrow through my penis I wouldn't be able to think. I rather be by myself. I am 55 but feel more like 40. Still very young looking and feeling great.I know my actions can hurt people especially my wife. I also know that women don't think men understand them.Why do you think I said what I said about thinking with my penis. I am sure there are plenty of women that think we think with our penis's.We all don't think with our penis no matter what some women might think. Some of us do understand women to a point. I know I always care about how they feel and what makes them feel good and whats important to them and me as a couple and as an individual. A small example Ladies the other day I was looking at my wife (she must have just finished taking a shower and did her hair) so I said did you get a hair cut your hair looks beautiful. She turned around and almost bit my head off. She says why do you always say my hair looks good. She didn't just say it she was nasty about it. I was brought up to compliment women about there looks even if they didn't look good. And believe me some women could be not so nice to put it lightly.It dosen't negate the fact I am flirting with her x sister inlaw but I am sure if I told 10 women that there hair or there looks were beautiful probably 7 out of those 10 would say thank you. I have been going to the gym to get in shape the last six months because I quit smoking and I have been eating everting I see. I gained alittle weight. I still only weight 175 (5' 7")which isn't bad. But now the muscles are starting to show not the fat. You think she would say your starting to look like your in good shape. No she says oh you eat to much your still out of shape.I'm in the best shape of my life. Why do you think not only my 45 year old wifes x sister inlaw flirts with me even the young girls at the gym flirt with me. Thats innocent flirting.At least I got some feed back on my question. The x sisterinlaw travels to asia to work for a few months. I will have a couple of months to cool off and see what happens. I appreciate any feed back. William Tell
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 June 2012):
 I don't care where my man gets his appetite as long as he eats at home.
You can flirt all you want (as long as wife is ok with it)
does your wife know you text with the x-sil? if not you are lying to your wife and cheating on her emotionally.
if you approach your wife for sex does she turn you down?
you seem to think that because you are not getting enough attention at home you are justified in this flirtation and crush... you are not.
you allege you didn't marry till age 50 so that you would grow old with someone and you wanted to do the right thing and here you are making excuses and looking for the wrong thing.
I flirt A LOT. I've had more partners in my lifetime than probably all of the posters on this thread combined. I would never cheat. I have never cheated.
IF you don't love your wife
If you are not satisfied with your wife
if you can't stick to your marriage vows then do your wife a favor and tell her this and give her the option of leaving you or letting you continue your flirt with the x-sil.
you may btw approach the SIL with the concept of a tryst and find she LAUGHS IN YOUR FACE... to her you are probably family and this is a innocent game...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 I found it novel - and, perhaps a bit Freudian - that you wrote: "....Cupid I have been shot with the arrow through my heat, is there a cure?..." ....as I'm imagining you with an arrow through your p*nis..... which is where all the "heat" is coming from......
C'mon.... do what you know is right... and stay friendly - but ONLY on friendly - terms with your sister in law. WHY screw up a marriage?????
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 June 2012):
You need to do one (and only one) of two things -
1) Talk to your wife about your needs not being met and see if you can reconcile a solution
2) Move on from your wife, and then (and only then) decide who else you want to be with.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (20 June 2012):
you should talk to your wife about how you're feeling sad and come to a compromise. try to make it sound positive so you don't hurt her feelings by saying something like "I love you and find you very attractive, and wish I could show you by making love to you more often", don't mention how its making you look else where. she needs to know how you're feeling otherwise how can you expect things to change. communication is the key.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): I'm not sure if it is love or lust because you have not been having much sex recently. I doubt it is love if Cupid didnt shoot you with an arrow when you first met this ex sister in law. Maybe because you havent been having sex for a while it has made you feel a little insecure and unloved. Really if you want to start flirting with anyone... it should be with your wife. Talk to your wife, tell her you need sex to feel loved and attractive. Explain you are starting to think about wandering because she doesnt seem interested in you. Put it plain and simple and see what she can do to reignite the spark with you. If she cant be bothered, then decide if this marriage is really for you or not and decide what to do from there. That is the best path, rather than trying to `get it on` with a member of her extended family while ignoring the problems within your marriage. I cant see that having a good outcome quite frankly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): Well, apparently you have NOT yet grown up. a man in his 50's should know better by now.
If you are not happy in your marriage and are not willing to work and do whatever it takes to make things better, then have at least some moral decency and file for divorce and let her go. You took marriage vows, and though they don't seem to mean anything to you, they may very well mean something to your wife.
Just because someone is flirting with you doesn't mean you are to act on it.
You, for whatever reason, are not meant to be married and you are much better off remaining single...and with a single status, you do not have to hold yourself accountable to anyone else. But since you did choose to marry, you alone are responsible for your actions and blaming your wife for what you want to do is so far out of line and a coward way to go about it. There is nothing, nothing, nothing that justifies betraying your wife.
Do the right thing, let her go and you can go and find out what it is that you think you are missing.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 June 2012):
I know some will disagree with this and I might even disagree with it myself in some situations, but I think a little bit of flirting is fine...as long as you don't act on it. Flirting makes us feel good, but actual cheating can lead to disaster. I know some will say that flirting leads to cheating, but honestly, I love to flirt with men and no, it never leads to cheating. If you're going to cheat, I would absolutely not cheat with a member of your extended family. Do you know how much trouble this will cause? I can understand that you are feeling neglected by your wife, but do you really think you will help the situation if you mess around with her ex-sister-in-law? You say yourself that your wife will be devastated if this ever comes out. I am not sure exactly why you got married if you are not going to take your vows seriously...you know...for better for worse...remember that one? Have you tried talking to your wife about making your sex life more dynamic and exciting? Maybe you should. You need to be very careful in this situation because if you do make a move on the sister-in-law and then slight her in some way, she has all the ammunition she needs to destroy your marriage if she wants to.
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