A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel Like I'm in this incredibly complicated situation.. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years and there always has been a presence of a women from his past. I'm in my mid 30's and my BF is in his early 50s. We both been divorced with kids. I met him at work and did not know anything about his dealings with his past. He had all the qualities and values I was searching for and we started dating. Once we started dating that's when I started to find out more and more about him,, now it's gotten to the point it's seriously damaging my self-esteem and feeling disrespected. First it was his ex-Girlfriend. All I know is that he used to work with him and left him after she got pregnant by unknown source. Once I found out about it, I offered him some time and space for him to grief and recoup himself from the broken heart. but he claimed that he was over and done with her and wanted to pursue the relationship with me. There are lots of stuff happened where I felt like I wasn't good enough for him to claim me, including he didn't want anyone from work to know that we are dating (which still applies) and I found lots of things that gave me a signal that he wasn't over his ex including her naked video. More we get to know each other more miserable i got. And now it's his-exwife. He has been divorced 10 years but he is still practically still divorcing her. I always wonder why this woman hold such a grudge on him. And I just found out that he had cheated on his wife with his ex-girlfriend. and that's why she's holding such a hostility. I can't even begin to explain how disappointed I am.. to see him justifying himself right for cheating on his ex-wife and how right it is for us to stay anonymous. I feel like I'm being treated unfairly to deal with his left of garbage with other women. I would like to take a break from him, but I have to admit that aside of his ex issues he treats me very nice.. and honestly afraid that he might misunderstand my intention of asking for a break. All I want is to feel good about myself and recoup my confidence.How do I go about it?
View related questions:
a break, at work, confidence, divorce, ex girlfriend, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 All his skeletons are tumbling out of the closet, I have a feeling there's more. It's a bad sign that he wants to keep you relationship a secret from work for 3 years! I'm sure people can tell, but since he met the other girl at work it makes me wonder if he's not having relations with someone else. Another bad sign is that naked video, there's still mementos lying around from the past! Tell him all this drama he has, and all this previous cheating is a lot for you to swallow right now and that you need time to yourself. But, remember it's a rarity to get back together after a break...you're just prolonging the inevitable. You're miserable and there's all these red flags waving in your face. Make this break a break-up.
A
male
reader, manaja  +, writes (30 August 2010):
I sort of understand where your coming from, im 45 yrs old , my girlfriend is 29, she tells me qiute often "its always you and your exs that are the problem .!"
I dont actually "see " any "problem ", I would never go back to any of my exs over my girlfriend or anything like that, she ,s probably the best thing that has happenened to me in a few years, but I do know where she is coming from.
I have one ex who lives a few doors down from me who cheated on me twice to go back to her ex, we say hello thats about it, but my girlfriend seemed a bit insecure about it at first knowing there was an ex living so close to me who at one time I was very much into (I do still hold a bit of anger toward her because I did catch her with her ex but I never act on it).
I have an ex that for the first few months was qiute hostile to my girlfriend , leaving her nasty messages on face book, but that has stopped now, but my girlfriend does seem to think that any problem regarding ex trouble is always on my part, my girlfriends last real relationship was 8 years ago, so we never hear from her ex, good thing !
Im very good to her , we both appreciate each other , she's on no rebound , which is a good thing, I was a year ago when we first started dating from the lady over the road, but weve maintained a slow but consistent attitude to the relationship and so far so good.
If your chaps exs pose no real threat , but the bad feeling is amongst themselves then leave them to it, if his ex wife holds a grudge against him, then thats unfortunatley something she has to work out.
They say people cheat for a reason, he will of had his reasons whether it be just for fun or because his wife was controlling, you may never find the truth out, but just be carefull, they do say once a cheater always a cheater.
I had it done to me twice by the same woman in a couple of years to go back to her ex, but I bet she wouldnt cheat on him lol..Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Is continuing with this man really worth it?
You sound very dissatisfied with the situation - and you have reason to be. I can't understand why in the world he doesn't want his work colleagues to know about you. Unless he's afraid they'd think you too young? I don't know.
At any rate, why not take a break from him - and better yet, make it a permanent one!
There's surely much better men out there, once you've recovered from this one!
...............................
A
female
reader, roshin  +, writes (30 August 2010):
dear frnd,
its a lot different when its seen from out here. You probably feel a bit insecure and thats why this question...
Just give the question one more careful look, you have been speaking about your mans ex.. his past, the place from where he is trying to escape, just like you.
and i believe its you who's got to give him the chance. you mentioned he treats you well, and that both of you have found out someone you wanted to be with. Its just plain clear, both of your pasts are haunting you, this is the time when you need to embrace each other. And i think probably its the right time to ask your guy about going public about your relationship and taking it to the next level. you need to bring that out..
good luck..
...............................
|
