A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm at uni, a popular girl in my final year. We've all had exams and work sabbaticals and I've been away from my group of friends revising and working.I'm about to return to uni and my friends. In the time I've been revising for exams and working I've been in contact with my group of friends via Facebook. I'm popular and have several close guy friends and female friends.However, I fell out with a guy friend, because he was trying to date a lecturer who is a neighbour and I tried to help him out as she was my lecturer, but it backfired and I got blamed by him for interfering and he ended the friendship with me. Nothing happened between them and lecturer is still very friendly with me but he was convinced it was a relationship of the century potential. However, ex-friend is in a group of friends that I'm very friendly with. Before I left I was friends with other guys and girls and we were close and had a laugh. However, I think this ex-friend is jealous and bitter about the lecturer incident and has been turning my friends against me or betraying me through what I've told him before or slagging me off. Ex-friend would have no reason to bitch about me, as in every respect I was an amazing friend to him in every other respect (helping him with homework, helping him with jobs, lending him money, introducing him to his friends etc) and the potential for the lecturer was dead in the water from the start as the lecturer wasn't interested in him, but since my ex-friend has some past history of dating people he's not meant to, like the boss, and a teacher at school, somehow he thought he was in with a chance. Now he's blaming me like the saying goes shoot the messenger as I told him the lecturer wasn't interested, but he's told me he feels 'wronged' so is probably spreading lies about me.Anyway, I was friends with several people in the group ex-friend now hangs out with. Before I left to revise for exams they were all friendly which is normal as we're all friends. Since I've been away we've had the odd small email contact. Now however I have to go back to uni and my old friends are distant and cool to me. It might be that they are just busy with job applicatons as their exams are over, but since me and my mate fell out I'm getting paranoid about my other friends.Do you think he's told them anything? Do I go on the defensive and start to slag him off by way of defence? since I have a lot of ammunition on this guy and I don't want my good name smeared which I think he'd do for a sympathy vote.I know my friendship with him is over, it's the others friendships I'm concerned about.I know people should say that people should be intelligent to make up their own minds, but often people just hear stuff and take it as the truth, especially if the person is embellishing it with a half-truth or something which is believable that person would say or do or make stuff up if they are jealous of me (I have great grades and am popular).However, it could be he's embarrassed about the lecturer thing and wants to keep it secret, in which case I don't want to be portrayed as the blabbermouth and bitchy person who's mean to this fairly popular guy (we were both popular). Everyone loves gossip.There is a 1% chance that me and ex-friend become friends again, in which case I don't want my dirty laundry washed as people have long memories and I don't want them dredging up stuff. All that do you remember the time etc etc.However, I have a lot of anger about the way he treated me so if I do find he's slagged me off, I have loads of crap he's done and said.So far the group of friends he hangs out with are in some honeymoon period with regards to his friendship so sometimes I feel give it time and they will find out what's he's all about himself, depending on how well he can hide his shitty behaviour.The other thing is that the group he hangs out with half of them are actually my friends I introduced him to and the rest are new people he's friends with.I haven't told anyone, I'm bursting to tell a friend of mine. I'm known as a nice girl. I don't want to burst that bubble by fessing that this guy was a complete shit to me. People think there are 2 sides to every story. I'm worried that he will deliberately try and undo all the good work I've done building up good friendships. Also some friends on the periphery that I didn't really know I feel could be two-faced to me, just to provide themselves with gossip for him.Your input thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Relax. Your friends will know the truth about you. Take the high road do unto others as you would have them do to you. Don’t say anything bad about the ex-friend, no matter what he may or has actually said about you. If anyone tells you what the ex friend is saying about you (if anything) just ask them “Does that sound like me?” Your friends and everyone else will respect and like you for being the bigger person.
Old story: The enemies of Clarence Darrow were spreading rumors that he was seen sneaking out of the house of a beautiful divorced woman before dawn. He was worried about the rumors for a while, but then realized the people who didn’t like him would believe the worst about him now matter what rumors were going around. And his friends knew if he did spend the night with a beautiful woman he would not sneak out before sun-up, he would stay for breakfast.
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