A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:As a woman, which way would you rather be approached?A. At my university, I see an attractive woman, so I say to her, "Excuse me, do you know where building F is?" She then shows me where it is and I say, "Actually, I know where building F is, I just wanted an excuse to talk to you. Would you like to get together for some coffee, pool or something sometime?"OR B. the guy walking up to you and saying, "I saw you from across the (wherever you are) and find you attractive. My name is James, would you like to get together for some coffee, pool, or something sometime? OR C "I find you attractive. My name is James, would you like to get together fror some coffee, pool, or something sometime?"
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): I never date men who approach me out of the blue. None of those lines would work for me- if someone approaches me that way I assume automatically they're a player and a^^^^ole. Someone approached me in a similar way in a mall a couple of years ago and it was so obvious he was a jerk- I told him maybe I will have a coffee with you at some point to get rid of him- he came back to track me down at the place I was going to but I had already left.Another man said to me online in a store: I have always wanted to have a gf with that hair color- we had a conversation about my hair color- too much info for a total stranger- my first thought of a reply was- how does your wife feel about that!If you want to meet someone go somewhere where you will be doing a similar activity and have a real conversation to see if they might even be interested in you in the first place. Otherwise you're just putting them on the spot to either be rude to you, or if they don't want to directly reject you to jerk you around a bit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): None would work for me...you could just give cheeky smiles, cheeky wolf whistles and bite the bullet...but still be prepared for a knock. You sound very ordered and not really a risk taker so i would possibly stop wasting time working it all out and just GO FOR IT...It may sound flippent but life is full of rejection in one form or another and to experience it is actually okay... good to get used to it early in life, no good been wrapped in cotton wool and afraid to take RISKS because in the bigger picture you teach yourself NOT TO HAVE CONFIDENCE and not to take opportunity and challenges in FEAR of failure, when really the biggest risk in life is not to take them. Look on the bright side she may actually say YES! if not look on the bright side look for the next catch and a knock taken makes anymore a little easier to cope with in my opinion and experience.
I do hope she say's yes. Stop mapping life out A-B it never works.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 A is creepy, C sounds like you want sex... approach B might work for me, depends if I like you and if I'm in a good mood.
It's the idea you've been watching me and was forced to come and talk that I like. Yep, two guys that impressed me, that's exactly what they said to me. Unfortunately I had to turn them down, even though they was sexy because me mind was somewhere else.
Boy do I regret it now.. lol
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 None of these approaches would work for me, sorry. I would assume that your looking for any girl who would respond to one of these cheesy pick up's. A simple Hi, my name is _____
I was wondering if you would like to join me for a coffee?
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Assume.As in "make an ASS out of U and ME".Your assumption is that once you have a clever line, your approach will be flawless, and, everything will be rosy from then on.Well, it's not so easy.Let's say, there is a single woman. Attractive, available, and, would very much be interested in you. For the lack of better expression, you're "her type".Yet, she's preoccupied. Like, she's overwhelmed with the latest chemistry test, or, her roommate being a jerk (women can be jerks too), or, she's too worried about her aunt's favorite dog being sick.Point is, she's not ready to receive your advances.With that, even the best line will go down in flames, simply because SHE'S NOT READY.Instead of searching for the best line, or, the most immaculate approach, look for signs of interest.A glance, an interested look, or, gasp, a double-take!A slightest indication that a woman is interested.Then, all you'd have to do is walk up and say, "Hi, my name is X. What's yours?"And, rarely will there be a woman who'd turn down your advances in that case, as she's already opened the door to you.
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Ok, I'm not a lady, but I am an established man of the world and always have been successful with women. I totally agree with Celtic_Tiger. Those are not good approaches.
Your approach can be more like this: Fist of all, don't stare her down! Here is an approach that does work. Once you see her without her noticing you first, go up to her and say "Sarah! Wow, it has been such a long time! How have you been?" And then, she looks at you and you at her, quickly say, "oh, I thought you were someone else, but you're much more beautiful than her", and with your phone in hand say,
"Can I have your phone number?" "I would love to take you out sometime". It's a little lame, but it does work! Compliment her hair, eyes, make eye contact with her, smile, but don't act needy or desperate. Be in a bit of a hurry, do not take up much of her time, get her number, a quick glance, easy smile and move along, never looking back. Text her later a quick text to let her know you remember her. Set up a date after that.
Remember, confidence is your best chance at meeting women.
There should be no question, or faltering on your part.
Another good way to demonstrate confidence, is to sit down next to a girl you're interested in, and smile. Say hello, ask her about herself, her likes, and simply get to know her. Don't be shy or nervous. You would be amazed by the amount of women who go home alone each night wishing they had a date or male companionship.
Another thing is, don't ask them if they're single. They will tell you if they're attached to someone, if they want to. No girl wants to admit she is single. Just leave the "are you single?", question out all together.
Then, once you establish chemistry, I have found that touching her hand and even playfully making body contact, not touchy feely stuff, but just a confident manner showing that you're not afraid to have contact with her.
After all, no one wants to go swimming with someone who's afraid to get their feet wet.
Good eye contact, chemistry, confidence, smile, and you will have more dates than you could imagine. Also, if you don't try, you won't ever succeed. So keep trying and use a different approach sometimes, the same approach gets old fast. You can flatter a woman and tell her what she wants to hear, (sorry ladies), but it's true, flattery gets you everywhere!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 February 2012):
A. Is just way too cheesy and a sad excuse to talk to a girl.
B. This is fine but omit the, "I find you attractive" part. It's unnecessary because obviously you find her attractive if you're trying to ask her out.
C. Starting your pitch with, "I find you attractive" is just awkward. Omit it and replace with a simple, "Hi".
-Leave out the attractive part. It will make girls uncomfortable.
-Be specific on where you want to take her. Coffee is good and the pool is a bit much for a first date. You don't need to see her half naked already.
-Leave out the "or something sometime" it makes you look like you're sputtering and desperate.
Overall, be calm and confident. You're going to have to stake out the girl for a few days to know her schedule of where you can happen to bump into her. But at a distance, you don't want to look like a stalker. Chat her up a bit then ask her to coffee.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 February 2012):
 None of the above for me I'm afraid!.... they are all a bit too full on.
A - you are lying to her the first time you see her. Then you TELL her it was a fib to talk to her. What else would you lie about?
B - you find her attractive...right and how many times have you tried that line with other women? She will think you are a player and try it with every pretty girl you meet, seeing how many will take the bait.
C - again, you are focusing on attractiveness. Essentially she will think you only want to get into her pants, not actually wanting to know her.
When I first started uni, many years ago, I was a young, naive 18 year old and I was lost. A lovely guy (blonde, blue eyes, glasses, physics phd) came up to me and asked if I was ok and if I was lost. it flustered me terribly. I blushed and went all shy. He asked me if I wanted to get coffee with him, and like an idiot, I declined. I would see him around from time to time and he would smile at me, but never made a move again. I regret that.
You want to be honest, non confrontational and polite. Talk to her, tell her you have seen her around and would like to buy her coffee sometime. Bottom line, you dont know this girl, she may be married for all you know.
What is your aim? A relationship? Casual sex?
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