A
female
age
41-50,
*winkletoes30
writes:Hello everyone.. i have a question, and my friends are giving different answers, would be good to get some objective views! On a previous post, i mentioned my failing relationship. Well, it failed. To be honest, when it ended, i was devastated, but i realised it was more a loss of a best friend, and a future that killed me. Our love sort of faded. Well, anyway - never one to mope around, i started chatting to guys, going out with friends. Not looking for anything other than fun. Have had a great few weeks. Also started chatting on the internet, and irish dating site. I met a lovely man, who lives about 4 hours away. We chat every day, on the internet, and call and text each other. Ive know him about 2 weeks, and he's invited me to a party in his town. We will stay in a hotel, put not sleep together, we both think this could be good and dont wana rush. My question is: do i go? Do i take a chance? Is it too soon??[Moderator's note: When referring to a previous posting, please provide the link to the respective situation if it is of any relevancy to your current post!]
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best friend, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 You are so naughty WD - you make me laugh so much. Sorry everyone its my code for q1605 or whatever he calls himself./ He's just WD to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): The search continues!!!! What drama, what excitement. I've got my popcorn, and I'm waiting for the sequel. Don't forget to update if you find anything nice and good. Take care of you babes, hugs.
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A
female
reader, twinkletoes30 +, writes (3 July 2008):
twinkletoes30 is verified as being by the original poster of the question it IS me!! I promise!!! twinkletoes is here, alive and kicking. I kept in touch with him, but i wont be seeing him again, he is nice, but not for me. The spark is not there, really! The search continues!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Q1605, now that is just wicked..... Sorry caller, he didn't mean it, it's just he gets a little funny when he hasn't had his nap.
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A
female
reader, twinkletoes30 +, writes (30 June 2008):
twinkletoes30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni actually wrote this a few weeks ago - i went to visit him (and took a friend with me) - we had a great time! My friend stayed with some relatives, and we did sleep in separate beds. We decided that while we like each other, the distance was too great, and we are going to be friends now. He's visited me just the past weekend, and we had lots of fun ... and he slept in the spare room! But thanks for your advice!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): I wouldn't do it. I don't know if you are still checking this site for answers. Let him come to visit you - and make it a lunchtime visit - something in public - something where you can both end it quickly and amicably if you need to.
Definitely don't go with him to any hotel room - that just screams "hook up" - you don't know this man well enough to know if he is going to rape you or do something else to you.
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 i truly dont think its too soon it doesnt hurt to visit! i mean you said it your self you guys arent rushing why wait?
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (13 June 2008):
I think you're jumping in deep here. A weekend and overnight stay is a long time if you hate the sight of each other - much better to plan a meeting and make it clear that you only have a couple of hours to spare, then end the meeting when you said you would. That way if you don't like each other you can leave when you said you would without offending, and if you do like each other, you'll leave him wanting more, which is always good. You have to have a plan for these things and stick to them. Men respect you far more for being like that. Goo dluck but be careful. alarm bells are already ringing or you wouldn't be asking other people. When something is right for you you don't need to aks others, you just know. So somethings not right and you know it. go with your instincts.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 Honestly, the two beds in one room do not sound like a good idea for someone you just met. Although I met my husband through the net -so I know there are good guys out there-, I definitely do not recommend making commitments to stay together the first time you meet. A lot of things could go wrong:
1. you may not like him and he might like you and try something you are not comfortable with and you have nowhere to go at 4am or something.
2. you may like him and he might not like you and if he ignores you or something at the party then you would just feel horrible staying together.
3. he might be really nice online and then just a disgusting on a face to face interaction.
4. he could stand you up.
I mean, a lot of things could also go VERY good... but... when I used to meet people from the Internet I usually made an "open" plan from which you can decide the ending after meeting.
I once met a guy with whom I made the kind of plans you are making and then decided other wise after meeting (he was very shy in person and acted weird). After I told him I thought it was best if we didn't do what we had plan he started crying in my car and wouldn't leave for 4 hours. It might sound cruel but it was really difficult for me... this guy I had talk to for hours and hours each day was pretty weird and he wouldn't leave my car!! I was 3 hours away from home and had to drive back at about 2am. Never again did I make other plans than to just meet and take it from there lol.
Its your decision but I strongly recommend going with a friend with whom you will stay at the hotel (the 2 of you can share the cost) or just wait for another time to meet. If everything goes great you'll have other times to have fun with him having gotten over the meeting in person ordeal.
Good luck and be safe. (Take pepper spray just in case)
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A
female
reader, Minelisse +, writes (13 June 2008):
I will go with GothPod on this one... why don't you go with a female friend? That way you will certainly take out the "dating" reference and it will just be a party where you will meet someone new. You and your friend can sleep in the hotel and he can stay at his home... why not?
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, twinkletoes30 +, writes (13 June 2008):
twinkletoes30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for ur advice! We're going to him place cos there is a leaving party for one of his cousins, and he wants me to meet his mates. Hotel cos hes currently living with his parents, he was travelling for 2 years. I didnt want to stay with his family. He's paying for the hotel, and there are 2 beds in the room. I rang and checked!I dont have anyone i can take with me, but i do have a friend who lives near his town, so maybe i can "accidently" bump into her. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, oxxvickixxo +, writes (13 June 2008):
Heya,
I think you should go and meet this man. I met my boyfriend on the internet( he stayed in the next village although we had never met) and when I met him after 2 weeks chatting aswell I knew he was truly who he said he was and 2 weeks after that we became a couple and are still together after a year!
If you dont want to go alone why not ask him if you can bring a friend along for the journey. I'm sure he wont mind if he is a nice guy.
Anyway good luck and let us know how it goes!!
Take care
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I am happy that you have moved on and are having fun. Internet dating is fine but be very carefull untill you really get to know the guy or have done some background checking.
I would be a lot more comfortable if he travelled to your hometown for the initial meeting; it also worries me that he is going to stay in the hotel, why if it is his hometown, why does he nt go sleep at home? Who is paying for the hotel and your travelling?
Be cautious!
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