A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey! Been married a few months, been with my hubbie forever. He's just found out he's gonna have to move abroad for 5 years for work (his firm asked him that and he cannot refuse). He's got a great job and it's gonna be nearly impossible for him to find another one here. I have a decent job (well paid, few hours but not that exciting, still pretty safe being state-based). I can't stop crying, I am desperate. You know, he's all my life, he's my family and my big love (excuse the cheesiness...): what should I do? Should I move out to be with him (thus leaving my safe job for good?)? Or should I bite the bullet till he gets back? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (7 June 2012):
 Hi
No doubts at all in my mind,you go with him. He's your husband and your a partnership. So what if you have a safe job. 5 years is a long time and you may have packed up the job to start a family if you had both stayed home.
Embrace the challenge, stand by his side. You can get a job where your moving, a whole new life together.
Or he goes,you stay home, in 5 years you will be virtual strangers with totally seperate lives. All you would have is a job.
A friend faced this choice and decided to stay behind. Their relationship was over from that point really. She was devastated and regretted it months later, I had many a tearful phone call off her.He in contrast has a marvelous life and actually met somebody else after a year.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you aunts for your support!
The idea of following him is what gives me peace of mind.
I could rent my house here and have a little income from that, so I would only need to find a part-time job for a start and then we'll see.
My only concern is this: what if we get a divorce in a few years? I know right now this seems impossible, but bad things do happen and sometimes even the best couples do grow apart. What if this happens in a few years? I will find myself not only without a husband but without the stability of my old job (which I will never be able to get back. It is a dull job, but being a very secure job everyone will want to take it)- So how could I handle that? This is what scares me the most!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 June 2012):
 I can't imagine making a marriage work long distance for 5 years. However, is this a place you want to live for the next 5 years, are there any opportunities for you to either study while there or work?
Can his job/pay overseas take care of the both of you?
I would go. And take it as an adventure.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (6 June 2012):
 If it were me in this situation, I would move with my husband. Separation takes a toll, even on solid healthy relationships, and five years is a very long time for two people, who love each other, to be separated. When making this decision, consider what is more important to you, your job or being with your husband?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): If his job pays enough for him to be able to support both of you. And you both want to be together, you should go with him. Or you can have him go first, help you find a job there while you're still in your current job and if you really miss him a lot you can always go to him a little later.. Either way you two should talk it through
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): If you love your husband and have a good relationship with him, then I would see this as an opportunity to travel, meet new people, and explore new territory. Especially since you don't sound too impressed with your own job. The only way I might tell you to stay is if your husband's new job was in the Middle East or some other dangerous location. Honestly, if you really love your husband, I can't believe you're even considering staying. I know it is sometimes scary going to new places, but the two of you will be together. Distance makes relationships really challenging (well, they are challenging anyway sometimes aren't they?).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): You will probably never look back on a job you didnt keep anywhere near as much as you would look back on a relationship you did not save in the name of salary or comfort. I'd go with him. It will be an adventure, and it puts some of the onus on him. If it doesn't work out, you can always move back and maaybe even pick up your old job
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Well it is hard for any couple to be apart from each other. 5 years is a long time to be apart from each other. Would his new job be enough to support you both for a while until you could get on your feet and get work? I know it would be a huge life changing experience for you moving away to another country without any friends or family, but am sure you wouldn't be long settling in and making friends and off course you would be with your loving husband. Sit down as a couple and talk about it and see what the both of you want.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Definately go with him!! You two sound like you have a great relationship since you speak with such enthousiasm about your husband. 5 years is a loooong time appart...tsts....not good for a healthy relationship. Look at the bright side: He will be able to make a very decent leaving for both of you, you will have the opportunity to "get out of the box" and have a break for 5 years from the daily routine you have had so far, and if you are planning to have kids you will be able to afford the not to work and dedicate quality time to your kids and be a full time mum. I am so envy you have such a great oppotunity!! Best wishes.
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