A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm a guy in university and I have a serious concern causing stress in my relationship for the last couple weeks or so. I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year, and we love each other and want to marry each other (or so I thought). Last year I took a job at a company that my father owns, even though it was not in my field (needed money for school). This caused me to be working in a city and driving from home, with little time to spend with my girlfriend. I promised my girlfriend that I would not go back this summer, and I would end ties with that company. Wouldn't you know it, I ended up changing my degree twice, forcing me to have to take a course this summer for 6 weeks. This summer, I have the opportunity of working there again because they will accommodate my shorter summer. I am not particularly happy about working there, but it's in my field of study (and full time). Another note is that I talked with my parents after promising my girl I wouldn't work there, but they told me about the money situation, and told me how it wouldn't be feasible to not work this summer, etc. My girlfriend is smarter then I am (better in school) and has equal (if not better) experiences on her resume. She says she has no respect for me because I am taking a job that is handed to me, and not venturing out on my own to seek my own job. At this point, she finds it wrong that she does not have any job offers and she believes she is a better candidate than I am. She finds it unfair that I am doing worse then her and getting a job handed to me. Is it right for someone who claims they love me to treat me this way? I understand with her point of view, but my source of contention is the money factor - I would have to take out a LOC if I did not work this summer, but my parents already said they would not co-sign a line of credit for me, leaving me with the option of only taking this job. Getting another job would not be feasible because I am working only part of the summer. I told her I didn't want to work, but she claims I am not being a man because I am doing what I don't want to do. I love her and want to resolve this, but she cannot seem to get over either jealousy (which she claims isn't true, but I still sense it), lack of respect (should you treat someone you love this way?) and everything else. OR, should I pass on the job, go into debt and try to get a part time job elsewhere so I can uphold my promise and keep my girlfriend, show my girlfriend that I am a man, and so I can have a happier summer? Thanks in Advance
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): thanks guys, we talked it through again, and I must correct myself, she said that she doesn't respect my decision, not that she didn't respect me, because she certainly does - sorry for confusion. As for whats going to happen, I haven't made a decision, but she has made it clear shes sticking with me no matter what, but choosing to work so far away will obviously have its complications. Hopefully all goes well!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): "says she has no respect for me"
If she says this, then that is a message you should take seriously. You have to be respected in a relationship, and when you have difficult decisions to make you have to have support AND respect for the decision that you make...even if it isn't the decision that the other person makes.
Perhaps the relationship has much bigger issues than this posting illuminates?
If you can't both sit down together, and work this out, in a way that both of you can agree on, then certainly don't get married...marriage will bring much harder trials.
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A
male
reader, rouge  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Just do what is right and if your afraid of losing her then she is not worth it. A faithful GF would support your decision to better yourself. cheers;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): She is jus jealous. A good GF would be happy that you have such opportunities. She treats you like a doormat...if you feel like working there is the right thing to do, just do it. If she cant understand that she isnst worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): just do what u think is best x
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