A
female
age
51-59,
*ammyindiana
writes:This is so twisted it is Jerry Springer deserving, but we hardly look the part....2 years ago my brothers wife D, divorced my brother for the second time. She took the 5 year old son with her and moved 8 hours away to her parents in Missouri. The oldest son refused to go and remains in the custody of my brother. This woman is EVIL and a golddigger. Her behavior was inappropriate in the presence of men throught the 15 year relationship. The grief she caused our family still lingers. HERE COMES THE TWIST....My sister (also my brother's sister)(Mod Note: I cant figure this out - her brother's sister?)husband of 15 years announced he wants a divorce. They have twin boys (in vitro) of the marriage who are 11 years old. We suspected either a midlife crisis or another woman...and it is..............MY EX SISTER IN LAW!!!!My sister is near a nervous breakdown due to this.He has a very good job, and she has been a homemaker by his choice throughout the marriage. He has already told the twins!! Let's see, Daddy is going to start dating your previous Aunt. WTF?????How can I help my sister. This is destroying the children's lives all over again. HELP PLEASE!!
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Hi, This is quite awful, but s...t happens. If your brother-in-law is determined to get the divorce, then there is not much your sister can do. I am sure this is stressing her out, but she is going to have to roll with the punches, I'm sorry to say. You have to be there for her, let her cry, don't try to stop her from grieving, it only prolongs her agony. She must take the time, to go through, what has happened to her, before she can even begin, to start to heal. Time is probably, the best friend that she will have, she will get over it, but there will always be a scar. She has been with this man for the longest time, and just to be hit in the face with something like this, without a warning, can be a horrible thing, to have happen to you.
Be her listening post, you supply the tissues, and a bottle of wine or whatever she likes to drink, be it tea, chamomine, might be a good idea. She will be feeling very sorry for herself, and you must let her work through those feelings, but try to let her know, that it is not her fault, it takes two to tango, and her husband was lured off, or he chose to seek someone else, who happened to be in the family. You might want to try to find a third party, perhaps a good relationship counselor, who may be able to listen to her and be objective, to help her through this. You are family, and you are going to put your opinion into the mix, and it is possible, that this might hurt more, she feels humilated, so she is going to have to deal with a lot of emotions at one time. So a third party could be the best therapy she could have, she may be able to tell them things she might not want to share with you, if you understand where I am coming from. So these are the things I would do, be her leaning post, for the time being, let her cry as much as she wants to. Get her some of her favorite foods, comfort her with your words, don't beat up on her husband, because she still loves the man. It is a transition period for her, the man is not dead, but she feels sort of like he is, but her emotions are raw, be patient with her. She does need you. Also take care of yourself as you take care of her. Bless all of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I am very sorry for all this drama. I know right now it can seem like the end of the world and it is a very trying time, but I believe everything happens for a reason...
...and there is no reason for this to DESTROY the children's lives...that's a big word...it is easy right now to place alot of blame but the blame game is not what you need right now...you need a solution to make everything better...
...my family is full of stories like yours...I know at least three women with children, in my family who have been cheated on by their husbands in "devastating" ways, maybe even worse than what happened to your sister. While I am sure they were devastated and hurt, no doubt, their children are JUST FINE. It did not destroy their lives. And it did not destroy these women's lives either...and they probably each took a lesson from these experiences...
Like I said I think everything happens for a reason...and your sister had to learn the hard way that a man cannot make choices for a woman and no woman should ever allow that. Maybe her purpose in life is that one day she can pass this wisdom on to future generations of your family so that other women in your family don't make the same mistakes...so don't worry that its the end of the world, cause its NOT...but obviously you don't want to tell her this cause she may feel like you are being insensitive...
...so for right now you need to be strong for your brother and sister...let them vent as they need to, be a shoulder to cry on, but keep the kids out of it...she is going to need alot of time to herself to cry and grieve the loss and betrayal...so maybe its a chance for you to bond with your nephews and babysit them so that mom can have time to herself...In time she will feel a little stronger and maybe then you can get her to go out, get a little makeover, go shopping, have lunch...she is not going to want to do that right now...but all you can do is be there for her and support her...let her cry, don't be critical and vent with her if you have to...
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