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Jealous of our unfair treatment

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 December 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Before I get into it, I'm well aware of the bad rep age regressors have. I know what many of you think of us, but please just refrain from passing judgment. I've heard it all already anyway.

I regress to ease anxiety, depression, the bad thoughts that creep into my mind. My ex tried to understand, but insisted it be kept private, but in the end it was "too much and too weird" and he couldn't handle it.

Now he has a new girlfriend, and she's a regressor, too! He takes her out in her regressive state and calls her cute pet names and everything and he's really into it! Not only that, there's ANOTHER guy in the mix! She has two men caring for her and babying her.

I hate that my ex refused me but indulges her. But even more I hate that I hate her. I just want to get over it and I don't know how.

View related questions: my ex

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (13 December 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntOkay look he didn't understand you and the relationship was hard work for him. I guess he did not care enough to stay and work hard enough through your issues. Yet here he is with another women the same issues as you have. The only difference is, he wants to be with her and he wants to help her as much as he can and be the good kind boyfriend.

Yes I get why that would be a bitter pill for you to swallow but you need to accept that he is no longer your partner. He has chosen to be with someone else, and yes you can hate him and hate her and even hate the world but it won't change things. You need to accept that the relationship is over, stop wondering who he is with or what he is doing and focus on yourself and getting over him.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (6 December 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntI think that your regressing is clouding my advice on this one. I keep thinking of you as younger than you are. I'm not sure that is the best way reach you. But I'm also worried that addressing you as a 30 something may also not reach you.

Really this is a problem faced by people of all ages. We want the world to be fair, and often we define fair as equal. Many fair things are not equal. many equal things are not fair. But the big truth here is that life is not fair.

The biggest way to get over it is to realize that her relationship with those men is not the same as your relationship with one of them. Different people , different experiences, different dynamic, will yield a different result. It will not be equal. It is likely much more fair than you think.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 December 2017):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly, OP?

What I think of people who "regress" as a coping mechanism is irrelevant. If it works for you, then it works for you.

However, it has nothing to do with my answer to you.

You are NO longer dating this guy. So what he CHOOSES to do with his new GF is also irrelevant. It could be that he has learned (by being with you) that this works for some people. It might be the degree of HOW she behaves compared to how you used to behave (as in, if you regressed to a 5-year-old and she to a teenager (just an example) it might have just felt "wrong" for him to not only be with you but go out in public and to encourage that.

While this might work for you - it doesn't mean EVERYONE can understand it.

While I get that you feel it's just weird that he couldn't tolerate YOU doing it he went on to date another woman who do the SAME thing! The thing he didn't "get" about you. It REALLY doesn't matter!! He is your ex-Bf.

As for hating her? What's the point? Is that improving YOUR life to hate her? You are directing your disappointment and hate for your ex-bf towards someone who had NOTHING to do with how he treated you. That is unfair to you.

Let it go, OP What he does, think, feel or says DOESN'T matter anymore. He no longer is part of your life. It's giving HIM (your ex-bf) MORE power over you that he deserves. Put him in the past as a BF that just didn't work out because he couldn't accept you - ALL of you.

Keep working on yourself. Maybe even find a therapist and work on getting more coping mechanism or improve the ones you have.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2017):

So if you don't want people to tell you to grow up and stop acting like a baby why did you write in? Is this age regressing a sexual fantasy thing? Please clear this part up.

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