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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello agony aunts, I've recently broken up from my manipulative boyfriend, however I'm feeling sadness and jealousy. When we were still together, I've always told him that one of my friends is really pretty and I do admire her beauty, he said that she looks ugly and not as beautiful as I think she is. And after we've broken up, only a 1 DAY after, he started hanging out with this girl. I was shocked and I felt jealous for some reason although I know he hurted me and manipulated me and that I don't want to be with him again, I just feel so much hatred toward what he's doing and why would he exactly pick that girl to hang out with. Is it like a game for him to make me feel insecure about my looks since I told him that she's really pretty? Because honestly, if that was his intention, then it worked, i'm feeling really insecure. Why is he doing that to me? How can I get over this? It makes me feel sick when I see them both together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2019): The answer is in the word,'manipulation'. He is manipulative and he is manipulating your feelings by hanging out with the girl he knows will affect you the most. And he is doing it as quickly as possible to hurt you as much as possible too. YOU are at the centre of his actions. He is trying to get revenge for you having finished with him, he is trying to regain the upper hand by hurting you, making you jealous and insecure. And as you say, it's worked! He's good at manipulating your feelings. Stay away from him OP and when you come out from under his spell (it will take a few months) you will see him for what he is, a nasty, evil, vindictive person, whose only thoughts and concern are for himself. He is hanging out with her and laughing up his sleeve because he KNOWS how you are feeling right now. After all he is the one pushing your buttons....he will know what effect he is having on you by hanging out with the one girl you have mentioned.Try to turn your mind from him and onto yourself. Find yourself again and in time, you will be so glad that you are rid of him. There is a much better man out there and a much better life waiting for you.Men like him are abusive, nasty and no prize. NO prize at all. Remember that and stay away. I've done it and have been SO GLAD I did. Good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2019): It's normal that you feel sad and jealous. This man tore down your confidence and hurt you. What youre feeling right now is totally expected for the situation. He's still manipulating you.
The thing to hold onto is that these feelings will pass in time. Someday you'll look back and you'll just feel sorry for whoever his new gf is, because unfortunately he's going to do the same thing to her.
Do what you can to block this person and cut him out of your life because he's a tumor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2019): Okay i'm going to start by saying yes he is a nasty person and you did well to get rid. Say to yourself 'never again' and mean it.
The good thing with him hanging out with this girl is that he's burnt the bridges completely.
It hurts now but hold on to that anger when he comes crawling. Remember how you feel at this moment in time.
The other thing i'm going to point out is that this girl is no 'friend'. Do not pay her compliments, do not consider her a nice person or somebody you can talk to, she has to know that what she is doing is most likely hurting you and she is lapping it up.
In your shoes (and I hope you listen to this), i'd write them both off. Block this girl and the ex from any social media platform, 'snooze' anybody who sends photos/information, and block their numbers. I guarantee you they will get bored of each other in no time. If not, then you're helping yourself move on.
Next, look for a replacement, even just to 'hang out' or go on some dates. Get this nasty piece of work out of your system. Use this experience to know what you don't want in a future boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2019): Dear OP, I believe that I am a kind and fair man, and let me chime in with my feelings, please. I agree totally with Honey Pie! Why do people do violent things, hurtful things, and why do people lie? Indeed OP, why? It is because people like this have an evil agenda! Perhaps this guy was messing with the other girl, even before you broke up, with him, Idk. I truly am thankful that you did break up with him, because you deserve better than a lying and hurtful man, who treats you badly, for sport! Please know that just because that other girl is pretty, does not mean that you are unpretty! After all, she only has YOUR leftovers! Were you not your exs first choice? She was not his first pick. Please take the steps which Honey Pie outlined, for you to follow! Hers was very good advice! My prayers OP, for your very happy future! Xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 December 2019):
 Why is he doing this?
Because he is the kind of guy who gets off from hurting people. Especially, people he can control (to an extend). HE knows that hanging out with her WILL get back to you and he KNOWS you will read more into it than it is. It's a GAME to him.
The thing you GOT to accept and realize is that YOU CAN NOT control him, ONLY how YOU react.
HOW do you know he is now hanging out with her? Is he still on your social media?Or hers? If so BLOCK him, DELETE him and for a while HIDE HER feeds.
When you run into them together FAKE it. Seriously, FAKE being TOTALLY OK with it, kind of a "kill" him with kindness kind of thing.
You also NEED to accept that you two didn't work out and he can DATE/HANG OUT with whomever he wants.
The sooner you can tell yourself, well better her than me (being with him) the better.
You know you didn't work out, you know you don't want a guy who treats you like he did, so STOP letting him continue to manipulate and control you - THAT is on you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2019): Don't be sad and don't be jealous.
You said he is a manipulative boyfriend during your relationship so he is continuing this behaviour after the break up and getting with that particular girl to wind you up and feel insecure. Don't care about him, he is clearly an immature idiot and you can do so much better than the way he is treating you.
You should make a joke out of him and say I was only joking about that girl looking pretty and laugh then he will second guess himself and what stupid behaviour he is showing. Seriously he sounds horrible.
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