A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've had extreme on/off crushes on my foreign language teacher that I've had since the beginning of sophomore year- now I'm a senior. I happen to be "a prodigy" at this language, and so I can't tell if he plays favorites with me or if he has something more happening in his mind.Last year our club went to see an opera, which was on my birthday. He talked to me as we entered the theatre and was teasing me about getting me a cake and having an in-class party. I laughed but then later, to test this, I said that I particularly like chocolate cake (I said this in the other language). So the next day at school, he turns off all the lights and makes me stand in front of the class and he brings out an enormous cake that says "Happy Birthday *name*" in the other language. It was a huge chocolate sheet cake that he decorated himself with icing. I was flattered, but I could tell that not everybody in the class was happy about this. He has never done anything so extravagant for another student.We went to Europe this summer and needless to say, we drank a little bit. My boyfriend of almost 2 years doesn't like how "nicely" our teacher treats me, so he tried to keep me near him the entire trip. The teacher's wife was also on the trip, but I couldn't tell you how many times I thought of running off with my teacher.Anyways, tomorrow is my birthday and I don't have that class because of our block scheduling. On Friday he made a big deal that my birthday is coming up. On Monday he said "Hey her birthday is next week. What do you guys want to do to celebrate? Since we don't have class on her birthday, when do you guys want to have it?"My boyfriend has been giving me crap this week about it. He wants me to tell the teacher not to bring a cake again and I'm just like... Well, I have to agree with him because he doesn't know about my crush. Also, after we got back from the trip, I asked my teacher via email if we could meet up to discuss a service learning project and he said, "sure, come to my house on Sunday around noon." I showed up with smoothies for us and he invited me in. I asked where his wife was, and he said that she was gone for the afternoon. Nothing happened, however I wore some sexy new jeans and a black spaghetti strap... I looked pretty sexy, I'm not going to lie.I guess what I'm asking is... what should I do? Should I try to pursue something? I want to tell him how I feel yet I know the dangers of it and all.. and it could lead to something and I just don't really know what to do.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Hi,
First thing you should do is split up with your boyfriend. Its really not fair on him is it, you are besotted with another man, so you should give him the opportunity to meet someone who will date him exclusively.
Secondly, this guy is married and he is in a position of trust. Let me tell you as a teacher I have a very low opinion of colleagues who flirt or go out with their students. They are in a position of trust and authority and they abuse this by using this position to chat up girls.
But at the end of the day you are an adult and so is he, if he wants to have sex with you , chances are he is going to succeed. Don't worry, the offer will be coming soon, he wont want to miss his chance. You will just have to deal with the consequences though. A jilted wife - who knows what she will do but she will blame you - its always the female who gets blamed for these things . Then of course there will be the other girls, you are kidding yourself if you think he doesn't have a history of this, they always do ( the ones that I had as colleagues anyway).
So as I said, you are an adult and really at the end of the day you are entitled to do what you want and so is he, but be prepared for the fallout and also do the right thing by your boyfriend - let him go.
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