A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. Here is my situation: I am 17 years old. I have known this guy since I was 14 - let's call him "Michael." He is in his late 40s. For a couple of years I saw him once or twice a week, only in passing (it was ages before I even learned his name), but he was always friendly to me and said hello. I had a crush on him almost from the first (he wasn't an authority figure over me and he's not married so it wasn't so bad), but I kept my mouth shut about it, although I did send him an anonymous valentine when I was 16, heh heh (it didn't say anything inappropriate). Although it started out just as a silly little thing because he's very good looking, as time went on it began to drive me crazy and make me sad that I would never have the opportunity to get to know him at all. Due to circumstances I haven't seen Michael for a year, but during the last few months I found him online (suffice it to say that I cannot mind my own business) and started talking to him - so I know him a little now, which I thought would never happen. At first I didn't tell him who I was because I thought he would either not remember me or else think I was a weird little stalker, but eventually I got tired of hiding it and just told him. He did remember me and was cool about the whole thing. I figure that he knows now that I had a crush on him, but he's never said anything about it (bless him). He's a really lovely person - very sweet. I'm immensely fond of him. We are strictly friends and nothing else: I laid down that boundary clearly before I told him who I was. He seems to be a bit of a flirt and is always chatting with/complimenting/being sweet to other women, which makes me extremely jealous at times. I don't know if he could actually be called a "player" because I don't know what he's like with women off-line. But anyways, the way he behaves with other women is none of my business, and he's very kind to me and I am satisfied with that, or I should be.But even though I'm so glad to be able to keep in touch with him, somehow I'm not quite satisfied. I keep thinking that I wish I could tell him that I love him, as a friend if nothing else. Obviously this is not a good idea; I've pushed my limits far enough already just seeking him out online, and it's not like I know him *that* well. But still. I really want to see him again in person, too, and I've toyed with the notion of asking him, after I'm 18, if he wants to meet in real life. It would have to be after I'm 18 and not before, because my parents are protective and they would assume the worst if they knew about this. I don't think that they would even try to understand.I have good sense and I am staying well within my boundaries right now, but every night I think about Michael and just wish that I could hug him. If I give myself half a chance, I think I will end up falling in love with him, and who knows how that would turn out. Are my feelings (and my actions thus far) okay, or am I treading into questionable territory here? Also, do you think it would be a good idea to suggest meeting him once I'm 18?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering. Particular thanks to Rose Pettles for the levelheaded, sensible advice. I will keep it in mind.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): I understand you have a crush on him and may feel a strong attraction towards him. But realistically here, he is 30 years older than you. He is almost old enough to be your grandad (if he had a daughter at such a young age, obviously)
I think once you've met a boy far, far similar to your age group then the crush and feelings you had for this man will very soonly pass. Also, you'll look back at this and think what was I thinking?
I wouldn't meet him when you turn 18, or any age for that matter. I think you should keep this as always an innocent crush you had. It will eventually pass, believe me. You're young, have some fun! I'm the same age as you and I'm with someone five years older than me and that's hard enough! we're at different stages in life and want different things. Dating a father figure person will never be fun.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): When we look back on our lives, we tend to regret not the things we do, but the things we do not do.
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