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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've broken up with my lover, of more then a year, to stay with my boyfriend. Don't know if I did the right thing. When I started having an affair I was in a very rocky stage of my relationship, we were broken up. I got support and friendship from one of his friends and we started speaking on a regular basis. Before I knew what hit me, we were closer than I ever was with my boyfriend. Problem was he was also in a relationship, so we decided we werent going to rush into things. The main reason was we didn't want to hurt anyone. Over the next year we became closer and closer, and I couldn't let one day pass without hearing his voice. Towards the end I got a little insecure and wondered if this was worth it. I also noticed that he (my lover) was treating his girlfriend terribly, and although I loved him and wanted to be with him ,rather than with my boyfriend, I couldn't stand the thought of being responsible for his behaviour toward her. Nobody deserves that. I made the decision to break it off, that was 4 days ago. A part of me feels relieved, but the other part longs for him, not his body or his kisses, his voice and his comfort, allways telling everything's going to be allright. I'm heartbroken, but I don't want to let him know, if we cant be together, I'd want him to be happy with her. But as long as he thinks I still care for him, that will never be the case. My question: Will this get any better?, and how do I behave around him? We see them regularly.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (13 October 2006):
 The situation in itself is a difficult one. Its obvious that you took a friendship to far. I think that HE has his own issues and you shouldn't feel guilty for the way he treats his girlfriend because she shouldn't allow him to treat her that way and he should end it if he doesn't want her. Thats not your problem. Your concern is obviously with your boyfriend and your issues with him because if you didn't care for him you would have just gone off with the other fellow. GIve it some time and spend that time getting closer to your boyfriend and making a strong relationship for you and him. Break away from the circle and spend time alone just you and him. You will begin to cherish the time you spend with him and slowly start to transfer those feelings BACK to him. They had to be there before because if not you would have tossed him. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
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