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I've been swinging for the past 2 years...should I take it further even though I'm married??

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 May 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

hi i am nat i have been swinging for the last 2 years really in joy it looking to go a bit further in to orgys looking to have sex with 20 guys or more do u think this is a wise move as i am married??????

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (23 July 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntI've got my legs crossed so tightly my feet are turning blue....

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A female reader, Ratshead Australia +, writes (23 July 2008):

We have been swinging for over 20 years. About 17 years ago we ran out of cash so I worked in an up market Escort Agency for 3 months. The agency specialized in gang bangs for sports teams, bachelor parties and the like.

I loved every moment of it. The maximum that I ever did was 38 guys over a weekend placement on a yacht(Friday-Sunday). There were supposed to be 3 girls but it turned out that I was the only one that turned up, and it was one of my first jobs! I found it a most exhilarating experience. The boat pulled out Friday night at about 6pm with myself being the only girl surrounded by 12 really nice guys. I had time for a glass of wine before it seemed like a hundred hands stripped me and spread my legs and fingers went everywhere. It was an absolutely wonderful week end. I had no need of clothes for the entire week end.

The guys kept pumping, I was kept on an orgasmic plateau for almost the entire weekend. From time to time I heard the hum of a smaller boat that ferried men back and forth to join the party, I relished knowing that the sound of the motor was bringing more men to have sex with me, knowing I had to accept them. When I wanted to pee I was whisked lovingly outside, strong hands held me high in the air, some of the adventurous took golden showers. It was simply delightful.

The party continued almost non-stop except for a short swim and meals. Even during meals my nipples were twirled and I was continuously fingered and played with. I had no right of refusal except if it was painful - I found most guys just want to gently play, and that is fine with me.

My husband always accompanied me on when I was gang banged, we introduced him as the "Man from the Agency" he loved watching and I felt re-assured that he was there.

It helped us financially and strengthened our marriage, for us, it was wonderful.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (22 May 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIf you are going to go through this episode,

then be prepared to move places as it will become untenable to stay at that place anymore.

You will have to deal with the new reputation and popularity.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):

MMM.....sorry everyone, but this is gonna be one of those long answers. I'm sorry but I've also been wondering for some time..... Please read ahead if your in a hurry.

Thank's Lexilou and Ms Strict, I got my definitions all mixed up. Swinging is sex with other people in your husbands presence and with his full active cooperation (it is necessary for him to be there), Gangbanging is sex with a whole pile of guys all at the same time (At least 5 in my opinion), cheating is when your husband dosen't know....Now I understand your problem and am clear about definitions. I can give the following advice....

Re-reading your post, It seems I've been too hasty (a common problem with me it seems) and for that I apologise..... But it's partly your fault you know.

There's nothing to indicatate that you have not already told your husband that you are sleeping with other people, and you both could be "swinging" with his full knowledge and active participation. It's just that you left him out (to protect his privacy, maybe baby? Ah that's sweet. This trait in you will become usefull later) Your question was inaccurate and therefore misleading. It should read. "Me and my husband want to know if it's ok to progress from swinging to gangbanging."

Ah...... now that's a whole different matter....My advice was wrong if this is the case, but you did mislead, and therefore I am only partly to blame.

Anyway...You "wanna get some gangbanging in". If your husband agrees and there is nothing wrong with you (mentally, emotionally or psychologically) I can see no morality problem with what you want to do. This is a question I can answer............ It's mainly about logistics......

If your husband and all parties agree and everyone's over the age of consent, and no animals or children are involved, and this is what you both want to do. Nobody should have been placed under undue pressure, and it should be done with full freedom of choice. Also you must be mentally sane, and not on any mind altering drugs, medication, alcohol, cult,relious,peer or parental influence.

You gotta approach this with a clear level head. It's difficult, but not impossible to achieve.

You better have good self esteem (just to make sure talk it all over with a counsellor) have no "issues" from the past (mentally and psychological damage will occur and cause you pain if you continue with unresolved issues) and be confident that you will have no regrets at a later date.

I do see difficulties though. One is for your physical health (I must make the assumption that barrier methods of conraception are involved. Otherwise known as the male condom. Just to be safe you should wear the female condom too) Your reputation may suffer if anyone talks about this, you would then be in danger of all types of strange men approaching you and feeling that they have the right to demand sex with you. This would make you very unsafe and may cause you to encounter RAPE (and in rare instances danger to your husband if he is stupid enough to try to protect you or your reputation). Rape is defined as sex without your consent. I just don't know how you could keep 20 men quiet about this sort of thing, and therefore would worry about you and your husbands safety.

MMM.... You may feel loose afterwards, and you may find your body has changed, and then again maybe not. A trip to the libarary and the video shop (porn) will tell you about the experiences of the professionals, so you will know what to expect (in my opinion i'll be a case of different people, different bodies, so who knows) The books writen by sex workers are a the most important read, so you will arm yourself with information about the degredation some of them can feel .... and dependant on whether you include anal sex or not, you may have to retrain yourself to control your bowel movements.

Emotionally, untill you do it, you have no idea how you and your husband may feel. He might hate it, you may disgust him. (In that case it's divorce) He may love it and encourage you to do it again, he may love it soo much that he will find a whole pile of men for you to service daily. This is not good. It would take time away from your marriage and interfere with you life, work, and family life. It would also be difficult to hide and may cause you to gain a reputation. (leading us back to the dangers of rape due to a higher level of sexual availability)... sorry aunts and uncles, cause we know it's true

Anyway... and MY HEAD IS REALLY HURTING NOW...The logistics of trying to arrange all of this and remain safe, moral and happy, are mind boggling..... He might hate it and leave you...all men are different, size penis, roughness or slowness, physical shape, haste and experience... you could be bruised, they could tear you inside.... Make sure they keep their nails short, because the professionals say it can really hurt... Oh and stay in touch with your doctor, good advice I picked up from the professionals.... I've seen some porn, involving gangbanging and I've seen some arthouse moves that show great emotional torment and degradation, with this type of scene... anyway I shiverer inside and send blessings and good wishes out to the ladies that endured this to help me get more wise.....

As long as you do it with his consent, and keep each and everyone of my warnings in mind, (especially the bit about kids and animals) then I can see no harm. I've had fantasies about it myself, just couldn't see how I could get it to work for me....

Ah well, You'd be braver and more intelligent than me, and about 5%-50% (sorry, I can only guess) of womankind, if you can get this to work, and I'd be glad for an update so I can award you my prize.

I don't know.... You just might be one of the those rare few women, that can actually pull this off. If you are, I give you all my admiration for your courage, beauty (some men will refuse, might be difficult to find 20) and intelligence. Keep me posted, I'd be really, really be interested to find out how you pull this one off..........

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A female reader, Minelisse Puerto Rico +, writes (21 May 2008):

Minelisse agony auntDefinitely not a wise move and I am going to forget the whole moral and ethic discourse as I am aware you know it already. Let's go to the scary part!

Condoms prevent 98-99% of the time unplanned pregnancies, HIV and SOME STDs if used correctly. Used correctly meaning you follow through the recommended (about 10 steps) to assure proper use. I'm sure you will find these steps in the Internet.

Some STDs, however, can be transmitted with skin to skin contact, which you cannot prevent unless you both wrap yourselves in saran wrap. Herpes and vaginal/groin wards can be transmitted even with a condom properly in place. Both of them have no cure and are quite difficult (ugly and uncomfortable) to live with. Chlamydia and gonorrhea have an oral variable that can be transmitted by oral sex, they both have cures but not nice to have them in your throat to begin with. Finally, hepatitis C and HIV/AIDS can be transmitted if a condoms brakes or if one of the 20 guys you wanna sleep with decides not to use a condom (I am pretty sure you will be quite busy at all times to notice). These are life threatening, chronic conditions and you are only 26-29 y/o.

You should go to the CDC page to find out statistics in your area for these ailments as I am 100% sure you have no idea of what you could be getting or are already into. Go take a couple of sex and think of a better way of having a huge big orgasm!

Be safe!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (21 May 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntI would recommend that you discuss this with your husband, if you are 'swinging' together. If you are doing this behind his back, then you are cheating, not swinging.

If your husband is amenable to this activity, then I'd also recommend having sex with 20 men only if every single one of them shows up for the event with a medical report stating they are free of any communicable disease, sexually transmitted or otherwise, and that there be recent lab results included in the report showing that the subject has been tested and found negative for HIV, HBV, HCV, TB, syphilis and gonorrhea.

Also, you must use condoms and dental dams for any contact, as there are other transmissible diseases that may have been contracted by the men in the few days between the full medical check up and this event.

Take care of yourself.

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A female reader, Susan Strict United Kingdom +, writes (21 May 2008):

Susan Strict agony auntTechnical point, but isn't that gangbanging rather than swinging? If I understand it correctly, the whole point about swinging is that you AND your partner do it at the same time on a one-to-one basis with other swingers?

Ugh.

Or perhaps I've misunderstood.

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (21 May 2008):

lexilou agony auntI thought the whole point of swinging was to do it with your other half being present or involved or swapping partners etc etc and you dont do things your other half is uncomfortable with. To me an orgy with 20 guys is just that an orgy not swinging or does your husband plan to watch. I personally think once you've experienced swinging its hard to have a 'boring' sex life and you need new thrills and I think this is where swinging has led you. I couldnt bear the thought of sharing my man with anyone, not a prude and ive had many varied sexual experiences but I see my husband as my soul mate and he would never ask me to do anything like this either.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):

You've not been "swinging", you've been cheating on your husband with a whole pile of guys. Swinging is having sex outside marriage with the full consent of your partner, sometimes with them taking a active role in joining you.

Your a cheat.... Pure and simple as that.

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A female reader, Gena Bullock United States +, writes (21 May 2008):

Gena Bullock agony auntUnless your mate does this with you---NOT WISE AT ALL! As a matter of fact, quite ignorant. Have you no morals? What did you marry for in the first place? Gena

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