A
female
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anonymous
writes:My life is in such a whirlwind, but i think my biggest thing is my family.My younger sister is currently pregnant and her boyfriend is a complete swine, he didnt even want the baby and i was the one that took the support role for her.I have helped her out through out everything.i have put my life and my family life on hold and only to get a kick in the face.When she fell pregnant, her boyfriend wanted her to terminate, and i said she shouldnt because she didnt want to.i then said that she could move in with me, that i would find a house to buy that would accomodate her. at the time i was selling my car for a smaller, one. my kids are big enough for a smaller car now.anyway, i have been with her to all her scans paid for some of them and i've never asked her for a cent back.and i all of this, her boyfriend has been telling her her family excludes him (which we dont)things we do and that we are making it difficult for him (because i have started buying things already)to be a man for the baby! WTF.anyway, about a week ago she asked my husband for a loan to complete her studies and he said sure.anyway, today was her scan and i was so excited to go, as its most likely my first and only nephew, and she sends me a message saying that her boyfriend was throwing a tantrum because i was going and that its not my place to be there its his! so she said i hope you dont mind not coming to this one. After everything i have done, thats what i get.Im so mad right now, i dont know what to do or even say to her.do i confront him and let him have or do i just let them all go and tell them to go to hell.please help! i am so hurt right now! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 well done for speaking to your sister.
The reason i put confrontation in capitals was to indicate a stronger interaction. Some people can be too confronting (more like a all bells and whistles confrontation that ends up causing ill feeling) i would never encourage that between sisters. And try to be respectful towards a sister.
And that is exactly what you did - you spoke respectfully to your sister. You did the right thing.
There are enough estranged unhappy families and family animosities can start with just a few misunderstandings and then they escalate if the trust breaks down. So i am so happy that you were able to deal with it in a nice empathic respectful and assertive way.
Telling your sister your feelings about the situation, and in a nice way.
And Not in a more confronting style - which I did not want to recommend. I like things peaceful, though I am not afraid to be assertive, as long as I respect all the parties involved, to get my message across.
Hope things work out well.
Regards
Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help, i spoke to my sister and told her how i felt.
I dont think it will change the situation with the dead beat biyfriend, but at least we have an understanding.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 June 2012):
I agree with the above answers except for where the previous person said dont confront her. shes pregnant, shes not ill and it wont harm anyone to tell her what you think. truth is she has not been grateful for what you have done, you have done more than the ''father'' of this baby. she might be angry at you at first but deep down she will know that you are right. she needs to prepare herself for when he walks out again.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 June 2012):
Your poor deluded sister is making unwise decisions just because "Daddy" to the new baby has suddenly wanted to return to the limelight.
And like a fool she has rolled over and done ALL his bidding because he's had a whim that he now wants to be involved.
You have been loving and giving and expected nothing in return. But deep down you know she is weak when it comes to this man. He will walk out on her again. And no doubt you will support her next time.
But next time be prepared to put your own family first. You and your children.
I am not suggesting that you turn her out of your home. But if her man wants to be in the picture then it is time he came on board by paying for some of the costs of the baby.
You have purchased enough for the baby.Let his family contribute now.
And yes, I do think it is likely that your sister will need your moral support (sooner than later) as this guy is not going to be there fore her as soon as things get expensive again.
But just don't be so willing to open your purse.
There is no need to get steamed up. A pregnant woman does not need to hear anger and resentment and yelling. She is pregnant and the baby deserves to grow in a calm environment.
If you are intent on CONFRONTATION it will only result in bad feeling, upset your sister and unsettle the baby within. tension within a mother is communicated to a baby.
Better that you focus on keeping things calm when she is around.
But due to his selfish attitude he would not be welcome in my home in the near future. Not until he is able to communicate some RESPECT for all the good things you did for your sister.
And for your sister USING you and showing no backbone.
What he and your sister will find is that your purse will not be opening as wide nor as readily in the future to her.
Your sister can carry on all she likes. The facts are that you sheltered her, supported her, and helped her pay her bills.
There is no grace amongst some people. No gratitude. No thanks.
But at least you will not be caught out like this again.
Let your sister find out for herself just how expensive it is to prepare for baby and look after baby
And Do something Nice for you every day so that ONE person who truly deserves to be treated well, IS treated well.
And remind your sister that you are a PERSON not a PURSE.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Let them all go OP, you have done enough and there's only so much you can take. You have been a wonderful older sister and have supported your sister when she was down in the dumps but clearly its not enough. No matter what you do, the first chance she gets she will run to that swine of her boyfriend while you will (sadly) be someone whom she will exploit.
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