A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy for nearly a year. He is a good person but he had ADHD and ADD, which was very stressful for me. It could no longer cope with it and it had to end.Let me explain, his condition is quite extreme. He had been diagnosed since he was 10 and he is now 27. He has had a lifetime of seeing therapists, psychologist, trying different meds, changing lifestyle etc-trust me, you name it.Ultimately, it was a huge strain on our relationship. I felt like his mother most of the time, he was unable to often focus on conversation, constantly in his own world, moods up and down. I mean, his ADHD / ADD was difficult. Even his own mother had difficulty coping with him for too long when he visits her.The diff meds he has tried over the years work in different ways. Ultimately, if he does take his meds that may work, eventually the meds will wear off and he will be back to square one. And he can not overdose to take these pills.SO here is the problem now. I discovered I am pregnant. I was on the pill the whole time. Now I am going out of my mind. His brother also has this extreme form of ADHD and I just have no idea how I would cope with having a child with this kind of ADHD/ADD and from what I have read, it is true that it is highly likely it would be passed on to the child?I actually do not know what to do. I know I will just not have the mental, emotional, financial or physical strenght to deal with a mini version of him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 January 2014):
 There is NOT a GENE that they know of. THERE is NO test for it in terms of DNA. There are certain tests like the TOVA (test of variable attention) test that can help determine if a person has ADHD or not. But those for for older children and adults. ALL toddlers seem to have ADHD.
I was originally diagnosed in 1969 when it was called MBD (minimal brain damage/dysfunction) Also back then they did not know we didn't outgrow it as adults... they thought we did. IN addition for a GIRL to be diagnosed was ever rarer as they felt it was only a boys disorder back then. I was one of the first girls ever put on Ritalin in 1969 under the supervision of Johns Hopkins Hospital.
my older son, by the time he was 18 months old we knew there were issues.... but he is MORE than just ADHD. He is also got something called PDD-NOS which is on the autistic spectrum.
my YOUNGER son... is now 27 and around 7 or 8 I told his dad and step mom to have him tested for ADHD as I thought he might be ADHD. They thought I was nuts as he had NO behavior issues, he got straight As in school and seemed FINE... but I sensed he had ADHD-Primarily inattentive and when FINALLY tested they agreed. He always hated his meds and now at 27 he works full time, he manages his money well and he's met a young lady that he's getting serious with... ADHD has NOT impacted negatively on his life.
There is nothing you can do to prevent ADHD.. but what you can do is get tons of support from many good places. There are great books available. There are support groups and methods parents can learn to help their children early on to gain coping skills that will last them for a life time.
ADHD is NOT a death sentence. ADHD folks are often more creative, they tend to have more energy. WE have issues with things like relationships, money management, time management, long term tasks, and planning
for example even today at nearly 54 after running my own home since I was 21, I STILL can not get a meal on the table in a timely manner. something comes out too early or underdone... and don't ask me for a time frame 'honey how soon is dinner" is often met with... "SOON... somewhere between 15 and 45 minutes" my hubby has learned to cope....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): ++++I am the original poster++++This is for SO VERY CONFUSED. Thank you for your reply! I do appreciate the support and comfort!Coping with my bf's ADHD/ADD had a very negative effect on me. I started getting grey hairs and I almost had a mental breakdown because of it. I really had a great deal of difficulty coping with him and having a child like him...well I really would not be able to cope well. And I am on my own. I have no support or family or friends. Both his parents have it, and he and his brother (who both have the very very extreme case) So perhaps the chances are quite high.You mentioned that your children have it. Do doctors know if they baby has the gene before it is born? And if not, at what age would you be able to tell your child has it? And this will be a stupid question...but could there be a way to prevent it? Many thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): My dad had ADHD as well as my brother and sister. Its more common in boys. Its a nightmare bringing up a child with this. Two of my sisters son were also diagnosed. Personally I wouldn't choose to have a child with a man with this condition. I hate the effects. My best friends son has ADHD and her daughter has ADD. Its all around me. It's hard work and not an easy condition to live with according to everyone in my family.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2014):
Yes ADHD is genetic. I have it. Both of my kids have it. However.. NOT everyone's ADHD is the same and a child may or may not have ADHD that a parent has.
Also their TYPE of ADHD may be different, milder, worse, co-morbid with other things...
I have very very severe ADHD and I cannot take medication for it. I have very severe side effects... therefore over the years I have learned coping techniques that allow me to function at work , at home and driving.... I still have issues with interpersonal skills. I always will... but I lead a full life.
IF you will NOT have the ability to cope with a child with ADHD then you have two options
1. abortion
2. adoption
and kudos to you for knowing you will not be able to handle it.
of course the child could possibly NOT have ADHD or have ADHD like my younger son who was not such a handful as his more disabled older brother.
ADHD parents rarely can raise good ADHD kids so I gave my sons to their father and stepmother for raising. that helped all of us. Sometimes we have to accept that we are not the best parent for our child and let them go.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (27 January 2014):
 ps...IF your child does have behavioral issues another great source of support and knowledge is other parents. iv found alot of support when i went to parenting classes through wic and by researching online. be proactive...learn as much as you can about issues!
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (27 January 2014):
first thing to do is take a deep breath and calm down! my xhusband-sperm donor- has alot of issues which i now suspect are related to undiagnosed aspergers. my son in turn has some major behavioral/development issues. over the years i had some pretty bad experiences w/his anger issues and even more trouble getting help from doctors. after doing research online about his specific behavior. i learned different techniques on how to handle his outbursts and temper. most importantly i learned that specific foods matter the most! high fructrose corn syrup is the worst...if my son eats anything with that i can totally tell! he gets angry and hyper...cant sit still...and/or becomes obsessive. since iv learned to keep that away from him hes a great kid most of the time. i hope this info helps.oh and dont always listen to what doctors and therapists say...more than one of his doctors swears hfcs has no effect...iv proven it does.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 You need guidance from your doctor or midwife and you need to speak to someone sooner rather than later.
Sadly nobody here would even be able to guess you an appropriate answer. I am not sure what the procedure is in the US as I am in the UK, but you need to make contact with a health care professional and discuss your options and your concerns. Do not sit on this and let it brood, get the ball rolling and get the help you need, because you cannot deal with this on your own.
Good luck!
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