A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 and never had a proper boyfriend. I'm very shy, a little overweight and have low self-esteem. The men I've liked have been horrid to me, going out of their way to embarrass and make fun of me. You start to wonder what's wrong with you and why other young women find it all so easy. I'm working on the weight right now but need to build up my confidence. It's hard when you feel like there's something wrong with you.
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confidence, overweight, shy Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JLib +, writes (4 April 2008):
Thank you so much for all your advice. I will try to work more on learning to really like myself and not let other people's behaviour affect me. I'd like to be thinner but other people seem to have more of a problem with it than I do. I guess that's their problem, though and I shouldn't care what they think. Thanks again and God bless you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): There's nothing wrong with you. Contact me and I'll be your confidence builder and how much weight do you think you need to lose? a 100 pounds....I'll show you how. I have helped quite a few women lose weight and even today I have several female acquaintances who are steadily 'losing'
weight as we speak from my advice and encouragement. I'm bragging now....my biggest accomplishment was a 29 year old female who was 5'1" tall and weighed over 450 pounds.
She is down to 145 pounds, now married with 2 children and she lost the weight in 3 years...she is now 36 years old. It can be done. Good luck to you
BadVoice
Wash.DC
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A
female
reader, Annalisa  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 There are good and bad people in the world. There are also ok people who are selfish and insensitive and end up hurting people they don't get on with.
If you are insecure and don't love yourself, you will often attract the wrong kind of guy.
You need to have a good look at yourself and find all the positive things that can make you love yourself! I find that the knowledge that Jesus loves me gives me purpose in life, but also makes me want to deserve that love, so I try to do some good in the world, when I can.
Jesus loves you too, but so do your family and friends! Make yourself available to them, be helpful, supportive and fun to be around. Enjoying yourself is the way to be fun, if you're in doubt!
Rather than looking at yourself and thinking 'I'm fat, I need to loose weight', take up some fun activities like group sports or join a martial arts class. Yoga is very good!
If you are active, you will feel happy and loose weight in the process! Go clubbing with your friends and dance, go for pic-nicks in the park and take a foot-ball or a frisbie. Spend time with the people you are confortable with and by having fun you will attract people.
If you love and respect yourself, you will realise that you are important: if a guy acts like a jerk towards you, tell him he's being a jerk and not to bother calling you until he's learnt to behave around people!
Be the best you can and have faith in yourself. Don't let anybody put you down and you will find love and happyness.
God bless you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (3 April 2008):
 You first need to work on who you are in the INSIDE and learn to love and be happy with the person you are. When we lack confidence it's only natural our self esteem takes a nose dive too and the more someone makes fun of you the worse you'll feel. RCN was totally right when he said people who make fun of others usually do it to compensate for their own insecurities. They see a chink in your psychological armour and they know that you won't bite back at them so they continue to pick away at you as it makes them feel big and more powerful. DON'T let anyone treat you this way. Look them up and down and say something back to them to make them feel small, something simple and quick like "and you're all that?" or "have you looked in the mirror lately" then walk away. That look alone will make them feel small!
Here are a couple of links that will help you gain more confidence and self esteem. http://www.pickbrains.com/articles/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidencehttp://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.phphttp://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
Always remember, you're not alone in the way that you feel. Everyone lacks confidence at some time in their lives. Take steps to build your confidence and self esteem back up. I'll give you some more tips on how to do this if you want to send me an email.
If you're happy with who you are INSIDE then you'll find the weight loss will follow automatically. Tell yourself you ARE special! You DO have a lot of unique gifts, your friends are lucky to have you and the world would be a much sadder place without you in it. (smiles)
Regards,
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (3 April 2008):
 You feel as if there is something wrong with you? These men who make fun and go out of there way to do so, need to get a life. I find quite often they do so to compensate for their own inadequate feelings about themselves.
So how long do you feel you've had a low self esteem, or feel others have had an impact on causing the decrease of? That could impact why it seems so easy for others. I don't know if we should say find it easy, or become easy. There may or may not be a difference there.
I know you're working on the weight. That's good, if your intentions are right. I'm a bit overweight too. When my ex-wife was pregnant, my belly grew right along with her. I'm working on loosing a few pounds, not because I'm trying to gain any additional attractions from the opposite sex. I'm doing it for my own personal gain and benefit.
Doing for yourself gives the motivation and consistant reasons to complete a goal. Outside of that, life changes quickly, therefore our motivation to complete what we start may change as well.
While working on yourself, I want you to begin training to not only build your confidence but to build a personal strength as well. I use to not have the strength, it took time to build, but I did so because I can choose how others treat me. If they can't do so, I can choose to eliminate that person from any circle of people I associate with. I am my own person, and I don't believe I was born to allow someone to take out their negative behaviors on me. I respect myself and demand the same from those who I choose to be around.
Keeping it real is what I've learned how too do. We have choices in life. Too often we compromise ourselves and who we are to gain the pleasing of another, or to allow there poor choices to affect us.
I know some of that may seem a bit self centered. It's okay to take care of your self first. Reason being, the stronger you are with your self, the more of who you are you'll be able to offer to friendships and relationships.
I hope this helps you. Take care.
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