A
male
age
18-21,
rk06
writes:I still have a problem accepting the fact that my girlfriend has slept with other men. Three others to be exact. Now, I do not judge her for it. It does not change the fact that I love her. It just hurts sometimes, like if I see a picture of one of the guys on the internet or something (she does not post them.)The pain is something that I can keep burying deep in my heart, but it never really goes away. I am a very confident person, and I have a lot of things going for me... God truly dealt me a great hand. I know that I am not the only one that feels this. I am experienced as well, but it still hurts to know that the one I love has accepted other men into her.I just want the pain to go away. It haunts me a lot, and I know that it is not necessary.
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female
reader, Annalisa  + ♥, writes (21 April 2008):
 Hi! Sorry you felt bullied by us girls, we're trying to help, although we might go a funny way about it!
If it's any consolation, most women feel just as jelous of our boyfriends' or husbands' exes!
I think the trick is just not to talk about each other's past too much, especially if it involves people we're still friends with. Personally, I never stay friends with exes (except one, who is now married and lives the other side of the country), to avoid any awkward situations.
For my advice, I actually took a leaf out of my husband's book! He gets defensive about my exes, if any come up in conversation (they might be a reporter or an actor), but his attitude is more focused on labelling them as loosers for losing me than anything else.
At the end of the day, noone can change the past, but you can embrace the present and future!
Good luck!
A
male
reader, rk06 +, writes (21 April 2008):
rk06 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you anonymous. I believe you are absolutely correct. I am grateful that someone can realize that I am not an aggressor here, and that I only want to better myself and end the pain. Finally someone with enough sense to realize it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008):
Welcome to being a normal male. This pain will go on every day for the rest of your life.
Don't expect women to understand your feelings. They'll mostly just criticize you for them and act like you're choosing to feel this way or something.
Most women don't get naturally programmed with the same strong feelings about this, so they usually chalk it up to your "male ego" or "insecurities" if you're trying to deal with it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 If you feel that way about her, then she is not the right one for you.
Either you accept her as God has accepted her or you find a virgin bride.
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A
female
reader, Annalisa + ♥, writes (16 April 2008):
Only 3! Wow!
Chances are she thought she loved them and that they would last forever, but didn't. We learn from our mistakes and move on. It's a pitty that men like you should hold our past against us, when it's made us into the women you love!
Why worry? As you said, you've got past experience too.
Men and women have sex for pleasure, we're just built differently. What makes you special is that she loves you, presumably. Sriously, would you feel as gelous about her Rampant Rabbit and the Mars bars she might have experimented with?
If seeing the men is your problem, avoid them or just picture them as poor loosers who are now missing out on the love you're getting!
God bless you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Deema + ♥, writes (16 April 2008):
 If she's not seeing or sleeping with them now, why does it bother you. You could have had lots of partners. What could she do about that? Why torture yourself with what she's done before. I'm sure its the further thing from her mind now. She's with you. You're number one, and sorry to say, a vestel virgin is hard to find these days, so you may be on to a loser if thats what you're looking for - though I know most men would love that. But then would they still be virgins, or would they have practised on a few more besides her, yet still want her to be the perfect virgin? Other than in villages high in the mountains of God knows where, where its still demanded the girls be virgins, it aint gonna happen - and just as well because if the girls have to be virgins, who are the men having sex with - answer NOBODY - so they are virgins too, and I know from experience that they marry their little virgins and then get curious about all the other wandering around, and thats when the trouble starts. So be grateful she's sown some wild oats, it will make her a lot more ready to settle down with yoou, rather than roaming around wondering what she's missing. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Everyone has a past, she wasn't with you when she was with these other guys so get over it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I think this is something you gotta work on yourself. Of course no one is actually supposed to LIKE the idea of their gf's ex-partners, but it sounds like you're letting it bother you WAY too much. You say you're not judging her but if you don't get ahold of this eventually you WILL take your negative feelings out on her. Consider that three really isn't that high a number for a girl that age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Honey, I'm sure this is exactly what you're expecting people to say, but I'll say it anyway. You've really got to try and forget about these guys. They're in the past. And unfortunately, the older you get, the more experience your partners will have. Everyone comes with a past - you've just got to be thankful that she isnt one of the highly experienced girls, that just used to pick up guys in a night club and sleep around for years on end. She seems to have been quite sensible about what she let people do to her. So keep remembering that, and be thankful for it.
Moving on is the only way forward, I believe. If you keep living on her past, then a future together is further away. For the good of the relationship, you've got to forget if you can, because she likes you now. Not them. You.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Oh for God sake GROW UP!!!! You don't happen to be a friend of Southern Man do you ????? So she has slept with other men 3 times before you, you have had experience as well. So stop being a Self rightious hypocrite and love your gf or find yourself a VESTAL VIRGIN!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (16 April 2008):
Life is what it is. Nobody makes the right choices all the time and you would want her to cut you some slack for "your past" so why shouldn't you do the same for her. Get over it because it will only poison your feelings for her. Everybody has baggage of some sort from their past. That is part of being human.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): You have to blot out these ideas. Unfortunately, we all have been with someone else before we settle with one person. It is history and the past and it must be left just there, in the past. Every time something like this comes to the fore of your brain, then think of something really nice about her, or where you two have been, just blot it out. you will get better at this in time and eventually it will fizzle into the background. I used to be like this, but it is self destructing, so try your hardest to stop now, or you will spoil the lovely times you two have together. Forget the past and move on.
take care
xx
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