A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months now, and his best friend has become quite a good friend of mine. Recently they got a flat together, and at first it was great. I was allowed round whenever, I stayed most nights and we all got on great.But lately my boyfriends friend has changed. He's moody with my boyfriend, when I'm round he won't talk to us, he gets really angry over nothing. I'm starting to feel really unwelcome there and it's putting a massive strain on mine and my boyfriends relationship. It feels as though his friend doesn't want us to be happy.My boyfriend talked to him, and came up with a compromise so I don't stay as often. Now I'm staying 2, maybe 3 nights a week. But he still thinks that's too much.It feels as though my boyfriends friend has complete control over our relationship. It's affecting me and my boyfriend, not only as a couple but individually too.I can see me spending the rest of my life with me boyfriend, but if his flatmate carrys on this way I don't know how much longer we can last.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice.
It's not that I think we'll break up over this, just the situation is stressing us out so much. My boyfriend works alot and doesnt drive, so if he were to stay at mine he'd have to be getting up about 5 every morning to get to work on time, and wouldnt be returning til late.
We've tried speaking to the friend, and he says its purely money. But I pay my share. I pay some rent, bills, food etc. It's all split three ways. But he still insists its money problems, which makes no sense cos if i was never there, i wouldnt be paying, so it would cost them more.
We've tried talking to him so many times but he's not changing what he said.
I'm pretty sure me and my boyfriend are gunna stay together through this, just at the moment with all the arguing it's not exactly brilliant. I love him to pieces but it feels like theres 3 people in this relationship and I dont know what to do about it.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 November 2008):
So you want to marry him... but your relationship is not strong enough to survive only being able to stay at his flat 2 or 3 nights a week.
Why don't you get a place where he can stay over with you?
Or figure out / ask what it is about you that the flatmate objects to.
Do you snore or have noisy sex at 3am? Do you take over and leave mess every where?
You know that he has a problem with you - but you don;t know what it is. Knowledge is power.
Also figure out why your relationship is so easily shaken just because you can't stay in a particular flat all the time. That is worrying.
Good Luck!! xx
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