A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've got a bit of a dilemma around family and babysitting. I have four children. When I go for a night out I ask my 19 year old sister to look after them. She said ok and I used to give her £20-30 for sitting them. Sometimes it would be at night so the kids would be in bed. My sister started complaining to my mother that I don't pay enough. My mother got on the phone and had a go at me this resulted in me ending up having to agree to pay her £4 an hour. Like I said I had been paying her anyway but kinda resented having to pay her an hourly wage. Things started getting worse when she decided it wasn't enough and wanted £5 an hour (my hubby works hard and earns £6 an hour) now I have to pay this even if I need help such as when I had to take one child to a and e and hubby was away. Hospital visits are chargeable by the hour and she knows there's no one else. Well now she has started demanding that on top of the £5 an hour I must pick her up or pay for her travel expenses and pay her hourly wage while she is traveling to my home. She will not babysit my children for less than 4 hours as then dhe would make less ghan £20. i went into hospital and i was expected to pay her hourly rate still! my hubby said no way. Seems rather unfair to me soI told her not to bother babysitting that day. Does anyone think these charges are a little unfair? Also I'm expected to babysit her child for nothing because her and my mother say its unfair to charge her as she only had one child and I'm looking after mine anyway. Would I be being mean if I just said no when she asks me to sit her child on matter of principle. I don't see why they should make demands and treat me like a cash cow. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): Your sister sounds like she doesn't really want to babysit.If she has to bring her own child it means she looks after 5 and has to travel over to you as well.
When you and your husband have kids and want to go out at night then babysitter cost is part of what you have to pay for it.I think £20-£30 is good for an odd evening,if they in bed,but days is different,when the kids are running about and need watching,feeding it's a handful.
You need to find somebody else for if you want to go out at night then if you need a family member to sit in emergencies in the day,they will do it without feeling used.
If you worked and needed a registered childminder you would pay a fortune for childcare,per child, so your sister would be a very cheap option at £5 per hour.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): Seems a lot to me. Family are supposed to be there for each other. I can't imagine my brother or sister paying me to look after their kids. They are my nieces and nephews. I love them! They are a part of me. They're my flesh and blood. I'd never charge. That's just me. Best of luck
British, 38
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 April 2013):
 I don't know what's the babysitting rate in your area, but £5 is less than 6 euros.. and here you would find nobody willing to babysit ( 4 kids, too ) for just 6 euros an hour- yet the cost of living is quite lower than in UK. Considering this, I think she is being more than reasonable, modest in fact.
I find also normal that she is paid by the hour . If you'd hire her for regular , extended periods of time ( say, all day Mon. Wed. and Fri. ) you could agree on a lumpsum payment , but for random calls on demand with no set schedule , that's what anybody would charge, by the hour.
Then, although technically is only fair that if she charges you for watching your kids, you should charge her to watch hers, I guess I can see your mother's point . It is not exactly the same thing : your sister comes at yours on purpose to do that job. On the other hand, if, as I guess the arrangement works, she drops her child at yours, you don't have to leave your house , you are not inconveniencing yourself with travel , you can carry on
with your normal routine and house chores, you can cook, clean, etc., basically it's like your kids are having someone over for a playdate, you would not charge for that .
Anyway, business is business, if you look around and find someone reliable who'd charge you less, just hire her , you are not bound to do business with your sister, in fact , since the arrangement with your sister is becoming source of resentement, tension and arguments, perhaps it would be best to change sitter anyway , even at the same price.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 April 2013):
 Hi
I advertised at the local College for a student on the childcare course when I needed a babysitter and found a great girl.I would pay £10 for an evening and cab fare home if it was late,bus fare if it's not.I always got mine home safe.Also I left food, supper, out for them. That was years ago and the going rate.
However it was for the odd night out not for ad hoc - I don't get why you need her to sit so much, you have 4 children, they are yours and your husbands, so if you need somebody to look after them then advertise but make it clear it's gonna be 4 children and sometimes in the day at short notice. Alot of college or 6th formers will be happy with the odd £20 but may only do nightime sitting.
Or form a babysitting circle so the mums you know sit for each other instead of paying someone.
If your sister asks you to babysit then tell her it will cost her £10 OR say OK but will pay you half next time you have mine.
I think if you sit for family so they can go for a rare night out, you should do it for nothing, as a favour, but if it's frequent then pay whoever is the cheaper option
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): The knife cuts both ways - I'd charge her too. Or for every hour you watch her child, it should be knocked off of the price she watches yours. Personally i'd hire someone else.Sounds like a bratty teenager to me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Yep, if she wants payment, she pays you as well if you're watching her child.
Also, tell her that if she's requesting all of these extras, you should fill out the appropriate forms with the government and report it as income taxes.
Not only that, but you should demand she take a certified course to receive an appropriate child care license.
Or, you can find another reliable teenager who wouldn't balk at making a little extra money. Supply and demand!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): Best to ask around your area. OP it's business, if you can get a cheaper service elsewhere then you can offer her that amount or let the other cheaper person do your babysitting.
Simple as that. Business is business, why would you pay for the most expensive service?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): She's your sister not your slave. If she wants to charge you then suck it up and pay her or pay someone else. It sounds like you ask her a lot so why do you expect her to give up her time for a price that YOU feel like paying?
equally you're under no obligation to sit her child for free, although if you have more kids than her then you shouldn't charge as much.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2013):
 I don't know what baby sitters get any more but I was always paid hourly and always paid above minimum wage once I was over 18 BUT the fact that you pay her to watch your kids but have to watch hers for free is wrong.
whatever is being paid has to go both ways.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 April 2013):
 I have no idea what the going rate for babysitting in your area might be. Rather than drag family into it, interview a few babysitters and see what your options are.
If you are expected to babysit her child, then there should be reciprocity and you should be paid as well. If this leads to family drama, just remove yourself from the situation and suggest your sister hire her own sitters as well. And no, it's not "mean" to refuse to babysit her child for nothing when you are expected to pay for her services.
It may be that your sister is charging reasonable rates. The only way for you to find out is to do some local investigative work and interview local babysitters.
Good luck with the family drama. They can only get to you if you let them. Don't let them work you up, stay calm and focused on what you need to get done, okay?
Good luck.
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