A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, here's the situation. While I welcome any opinion I would very much like some female input.There's this girl I was working with (we both got laid off very recently) who I'm quite attracted to and really enjoy spending time with her. She has a boyfriend but hardly ever mentions him in front of me (even when a closely related subject comes up) to the point where she almost seems to be avoiding it. She always maintains extended eye contact with me whenever we're talking and she usually has a grin on her face when she does.We had talked about doing something outside of work and so a week or so ago we went for drinks after work. It was just her and me and we went to a somewhat quiet bar, sat at a table and decided to split some food to go with our drinks.We only ended up leaving because it was getting late and the next day was her last day of work. As we were leaving she said that she had a great time and we should do it again sometime. Then over the weekend she invited me to meet her and her friends while they were out at a bar (I had a prior commitment and couldn't go). Then today we were texting and she randomly asks me if I'm doing anything this friday and says that she's going to be near my place and was wondering if I wanted to meet up with her.I said yes and now we're going to meet up on friday. I also noticed that since we went to the bar she has removed her relationship status from facebook (she didn't put up single, but she took down "in a relationship" completely).I really like her and am wondering if she might feel the same way. I'm getting some mixed signals and I'm wondering if me making some kind of move when I see her again would be a good or a bad idea. I don't want her to think I'm not interested, but I also don't want her not wanting to spend time with me anymore either.Do you think that is the kind of thing that would cause her to not want to spend time with me anymore? Is it possible she's interested but doesn't want to act on it (if she's still with the bf)? Is this a "no harm, no foul" situation or is this the kind of thing I'll probably end up regretting?This is the first girl in quite some time that I've been really interested in and I don't want to make a fool out of myself. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk...so just wanted to give you guys an update. I went out with her this afternoon for lunch. I'm now thoroughly convinced that she is no longer with the boyfriend and she continued to show interest over the course of our conversation.As I was walking her to the subway (she needed to get downtown to work a night shift) there is a lull in the conversation and I say "I really like spending time with you." She replies, "I really like spending time with you too. We should do this again some time soon. I'll be in the city on Wednesday for a class from 8 to 10. We can do something either before or after if you want."I took her up on the offer and so I'm going to go out with her after her class. As we were saying goodbye I gave her a hug (I was thinking about going in for a kiss, but it just didn't feel like the right moment for it) and decide to give her a slightly more sensual hug than usual. She holds the hug for an extra second and then brushes her cheek against mine.So I'm seeing her on Wednesday and I am determined to kiss her that night (or at least make the attempt). I'm usually not the kind of guy who picks up on signals and things like that, but I really think she's into me and I am more excited than I have been in a long time.Thanks for the help you guys. Any additional thoughts or opinions on the situation would be nice if you guys feel like it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I don't think beating around the bush is a good idea here.
I also don't think you should make any assumptions.
While her relationship with the boyfriend may be ending, until she's done with him she is "taken" Think about how you would feel if you were the boyfriend on the outs... wouldn't you rather her be honest with you and end it with you rather than cheat (even if it's a bad relationship there is NEVER an excuse for cheating)
I think the best thing to do is be open and honest with her and ask her what's her status with her boyfriend.
If she hedges her bets or does not give you a straight answer or implies they are still together but she's not sure how she feels any more or anything other than "we broke up and are not together any more" you need to let her know that you are interested but NOT as long as she is still involved with the boyfriend.
I do agree it sounds like she wants to be with you but you really don't want to be the one she cheats with do you?
better for her to end her prior relationship fully and then be with you rather than have her sneak around and hurt someone else... besides, if she is sneaky with him then if things ever get wonky with you two you will automatically think she's cheating on you because you will know she has the ability to cheat on a partner.
Don't play games
Don't play coy
don't drop hints.
be assertive and forthright...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 February 2013):
 I would ask her straight out. If she STILL has a BF I wouldn't hang out with her because when it comes down to it, you know better.. In fact HOW would you feel if you dated a girl and she pulled that stunt behind YOUR back? Not so cool, eh?
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A
female
reader, Sylph +, writes (14 February 2013):
Hey, i can tell you that this girl is unhappy and unfullfilled in her relationship judging by all her attention and evident interest. Most probably this girl's bf isn't giving her much attention and she misses being wanted in addition to being around a male who seems interested, and therefore boosts her confidence and makes her feel good about herself. I'm not saying that she is not interested in you, on the contrary... However, she still has a bf, eventhough she does not mention him. The good thing is that she is interested. There are two things you can do. You can eithe continue seeing her until she falls for you and leaves her bf, but never committ to her unless she actually leaves her bf. Or, u can play the push pull game..trust me it works unbelievably.. Act distant and cold and be persistent with this behaviour for a couple of days, and she will come running, and will contemplate for sure leaving her bf for you.
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A
female
reader, haribo158  +, writes (14 February 2013):
I agree that it sounds like the boyfriend is on the way/i already completely out of the picture,
It sounds as if she's interested in you and since you're interested in her I would say don't come on too strong, but it's certainly worht seeing where things could go,
Good luck
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Rather than speculating you should just ask her. Maybe something like "I enjoy spending time with you but I noticed that we've been spending a lot of time together. Is your boyfriend bothered by this?". Making a move on her while she is still in a relationship is bad as there is no guarantee then, that she'll actually leave her boyfriend for you. And do you really want to go out with her when she still has a boyfriend?
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Why the hell do you want female input? You know better than to listen to them!
Look buddy, a girls actions speak louder than words. That's a rule you'd do well to remember. This girl's boyfriend is on the way out. That much is obvious. It's a matter of time.
Some girls (quite a lot actually) stay in their relationships even after they've lost interest in their boyfriend until they find something better. That's just the way it is.
Before all the women on here call for me to be hanged, I said quite a lot, not ALL girls.
This girl is asking you out, she is asking to meet up with you, she's changed her status on Facebook. By the way, did you know hardly any girls put "Single" as their status? Most single girls leave it off their profile completely rather than say they're single.
Go with the flow and date her. If she turns around after a few dates/weeks or a couple of months and asks to go steady (as you yanks put it) then just ask her "are you still in touch with your ex?". If she says yes or she says she still has a boyfriend, then say, "in that case we'll leave things as they are for the time being" and smile.
Don't commit until she commits by cutting contact with her ex or dumping her boyfriend (if she's still with him) and cutting all contact with him.
She likes you. You can tell by her actions. She's asking you out all the time.
Forget the female input and listen to what I've said here buddy.
Good luck!
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