A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Someone I really care about is hurting because of my past actions.I have been seeing someone who I met at work for a year who is much younger than me and we got along really well and enjoyed each others company. About 4 months into the relationship I became pregnant by accident and decided to terminate the pregnancy which was a very difficult and painful decision. Because of the short time we had been together and the big age difference it seemed wrong to be having a baby together at the time. He supported my decision and came with me to the clinic and paid for the operation. He would have also supported me if I had continued with the pregnancy, he loved me. A few months later I started to feel uncertain about the relationship, again because of the big age difference. I loved being with him but felt scared we were getting to attached so I broke up with him. Very soon after the split I started dating another man who was older than me. I felt I needed to experience this. But there was no spark there. The most stupid thing of all is after several dates I had sex with the man on the one occasion. I finished with him soon after as I realised I was still in love with the younger man. Because this all happened so quickly and I was seeing the younger guy as a friend (he still loved me and wanted me back), I rekindled the relationship. He asked me about the man I had dated and asked if I had sex with him and I lied because I didn't want to lose him. He asked me again a couple of months down the line, and I felt I had to tell the truth so I did. Since telling him this he has been hurt. He could not believe I would jump into bed so easily with someone else. I hate myself for it. During this time he was wanting to move in with me, I have my own place and he is renting. I have two children and there are unresolved financial issues from my previous marriage so I did not feel ready to commit in this way. Because I told him I was not ready and because of the lying, he is so hurt and has finished with me and started dating a girl in the office straight away. I am so upset about this and it's very painful going into work each day. He tells me he will always love me, has forgiven me, but can't forget. We have decided to stay friends, he really wants this. Can this relationship be salvaged, or is there too much trust lost? Because I did not go behind his back and did break off the relationship when I had sex with the other guy, do you think I have still done wrong? I have also said nasty things about his new girlfriend out of jealousy, which has upset him. But I've apologised and we are going to try and be friends. He says he still hurts. How can this be repaired? I love him.
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at work, broke up, jealous, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (8 November 2009):
 I haver to admit I'm with the anonymous (whoever you are) poster. The second posting - th etrouble with posting anon. is as there is no time stamp you're answer becomes lost in the ether - register, post as yourself and stand up for what you believe in!God I hate anonymus posting whether good or bad!Steve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): im sorry to say this.. but if you loved him so much you would have never jumped in the bed with another guy... just be glad you have him as a friend.. love is unconditional age is nothing but a number , but theres also border lines like the one you just past which was having sex and 2nd lying.
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A
female
reader, texas_princess  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 God I wish I could lend advice... but your situation is ridiculously close to mine (read my question that's posted if you like). In reading your question I was floored at how similar they were. What is it with younger men and assuming that when we BREAK UP we should still be faithful? Are the rules changing? All my friends say a break up is a break up and when broken up you are single and free to mingle! Having said that... my boyfriend is doing the same thing to me, one difference is that he has yet to try to see anyone else. That part of your story throws me for a loop. Just wanted to let you know you weren't alone, even though I may not have advice to give, I have sympathy. Keep me posted on your progress and I will do the same! GOod luck!
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