A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance MO use to be to buy his ex girlfriends flowers, lingerie and a card I found out. He has never done this with me. Victoria's Secret catalog arrived in the mail and he said look it's Victoria's Secret. I said and so what you going to buy me. He said I don't know, I'm new at this. I said I doubt that. I think something must be wrong with me for him not wanting to do this. Should I just buy the lingerie myself or find a new guy that will--ranting here. I thought must guys would love to buy their fiancees or girlfriends lingerie, if not the whole catalog. Like I said, he bought lingerie for his ex girlfriends. It makes me feel like he doesn't like my body or that there is something wrong with my body and that I wouldn't look good enough in lingerie for him. This has happened several times now when the Victoria Secret catalog arrives. He'll take notice of the catalog and make some comments about the models but never buys anything from there. All my other boyfriends would but he is the first to not so I find his behavior weird and that there is something wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): he may be tired of doing that since he used to buy it for his ex's and look what happened to those relationships. maybe he wants to make your relationship totally different from his past relationships because obviously the past ones didn't last. or could be he wants you to let him know if you'd like him to buy it for you and to give him some input. I mean, it would be embarrassing if he took it upon himself to buy you something as a surprise and then it didn't fit you or the style didnt' flatter you, so maybe he was hinting that you should give him some information to narrow it down some... or maybe he's just getting older and losing interest in doing stuff like this, like if he had stayed with his last ex gf by now he may also have stopped buying her that stuff.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (21 November 2012):
How do you know he did that? And what were the circumstances? Unless you have a figure like the manikin it probably wont fit properly and in my opinion most of the popular "sexy" lingerie looks cheap and slutty. Maybe he thinks you are worth more? But flowers? flowers can be really tasteful amd show caring and consideration for your taste. If he doesnt buy you flowers you need to be a bit more clear in your expectations!!
Seriously though, maybe he tried hard to do the right thing with the ex and got burned and now thinks such things have no meaning. If he shows care and consideration for you in other ways then dont get jealous about stuff he did for an ex. He loves you remember.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (21 November 2012):
 lol ha ha ha motives and modes of operations of myself don't forget the chocolate to and maybe some shoes too. they might not want to buy it that's all hint or not. Go get it together thats what my ex did she bought some then I bought some I would like for her as well lol problem solved solutions presented
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): I have never had a boyfriend bought me lingerie. I have asked them if they like it or what they found sexy for a woman to wear. Maybe you should grab one of those VS magazines and ask him which one does he think you would look good on, and maybe buy it as a surprise. Maybe you are different then all of those girlfriends and doesn't want to the same thing he did with them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): Maybe he thinks that you're not into the lingerie thing? (i mention it because it sounds like he's leaving tips like the catalogue, to test your reaction).
Why don't you take him on a shopping spree and pop into a lingerie shop. Try on a few things and explicitly point out what you like etc. Maybe he gets the hint that way. Some guys are really oblivious and needs to be heavily pushed in a certain direction. Or you could just ask him directly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 November 2012):
 Hmm, could be he bought his ex lingerie and ended up with DRAMA - as in he got the wrong color, too big a size or too sexy, not sexy enough.... you name it.
Or she hated lingerie. Some women find lingerie offensive because it is not reallllllllly made for the woman it's made for the guy.
Lingerie is not cheap - so it is VITAL that, 1. it fits and 2. that the woman will actually want to wear it.
So all in all, there is nothing wrong with YOU and there is nothing wrong with him.
My husband loves to buy me lingerie, but you know what...? it just sits in a drawer somewhere - I'm not really a big fan of lingerie - I feel silly in it and honestly I rather feel SKIN against SKIN then some lazy thingamabob.
Now you have ALREADY told your BF that you like lingerie - so I would either BUY some yourself and surprise him & stop hinting and pouting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): It is besides the point, but I don't understand how men can even start picking intimAtes for women. My husband has no clue what I wear or what size. I cant even imagine him going I that dire?tion or even start thinking about it.
I had quite a bit of boyfriends before him, no one ever bought me lingerie. You saying All of your boyfriends bought you lingerie? This is just unusual in my eyes. Did you tell them to do it, or it was their idea?
The fact that your fiancée bought lingerie for other women could be that they told him what exactly they want and he just did it to please them.
I don't think him not doing the same for you mean anything at all.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (20 November 2012):
 Also I meant to add....
You say it was his MO to get a card, flowers, and lingerie. Sounds like it supports the idea that they weren't very special and it was his go to gift he didn't put a lot of thought into. Why would you want the same tired gifts he gave to everyone else?
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (20 November 2012):
It could be that he bought those gifts for past girlfriends because they weren't special to him, it was an easy go to gift that had no thought put into it. Maybe they flat out told him they wanted lingerie. Maybe he saw them as just sex partners and nothing special that required more thought, if you think about it lingerie is more of a gift for the guy than the girl so it is pretty selfish as far as gifts go. Maybe that was when he thought lingerie was really sexy and fun but then got tired of it and saw it as just a novelty. I've heard a comedian say "why do women think we love lingerie? It's the same old boobs in a new lace outfit, I'd rather see you naked." It's exciting the first couple of times then it's kind of old, especially if it is with a long time partner. It can still be nice of course but not exciting anymore. There are many possible reasons why he bought it in the past and doesn't anymore.
How about asking him why he bought lingerie for them and not for you? You have obviously had the conversation before since you know the gifts he used to give. After talking with him explain that's what you want for a gift for Christmas/birthday/whatever. He may not have picked up on your hints and thought you were joking, not everyone is great with picking up hints and gift giving. And just because he hasn't bought lingerie doesn't mean he isnt attracted to you, he would not be with you if he were not attracted to you. I honestly haven't known a man who does buy lingerie, I've always bought it for myself as a surprise for him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 November 2012):
I wouldn't by my girlfriend lingerie, on the basis that I'd probably get the wrong thing and make her feel uncomfortable or something.
Also, it's easier to buy that sort of thing for someone you see more as an object, rather than a longer term partner.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your boyfriend. I think that he probably has a lot of respect for you, doesn't know to get and such.
If you want it, better to do it yourself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
 there is nothing wrong with you.
why do women always take the blame?
personally I don't want anyone buying lingerie for me but me.
IF you want it buy it.
my hubby loves VS but he would never buy me anything from there without checking with me first...
I have never had a man buy me lingerie to be honest.. and why should it... it's not really FOR ME... it's FOR HIM.
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