A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been sick for the past two days, and thus, have had a lot of time to think about my relationship with my boyfriend.We're been living together for half a year now, and he's starting to get to me:- he's childish. IE: he's 21 and still loves cartoons. That's actually the least of the things that bothers me :P- he doesn't take responsibility if something is his fault. Even when he does say that he's sorry, he'll bring it up later and blame me for making him feel bad and forcing him to say that he did something wrong.- he doesn't help clean/cook... AT ALL and we both have part time jobs and school and on top of that I get far more homework than he does- if he doesn't get what he wants he pulls a temper tantrum. He won't talk about it calmly with me, he just gets more and more upset until he gets what he wants. This goes for things even as simply as going to bed. If I say I'm tired he'll get all moody because he isn't but he "HAS" to go to bed with me, instead of talking about it and finding a solution.- he spends frivolously and always on himself. Sometimes he'll say he bought "us" something, but it's something that I would never like...like buying "us" chocolate when he knows I'm on a diet, and don't like chocolate all that much besides.- my parents don't like him that much. They just tolerate him because I'm with him- we fight once or twice daily on very simple things- he says that I'm just trying to work up sympathy when I tell him that I'm sad. He aways takes it as my fault. if he was down I'm loving and comforting. When I'm down he too becomes sullen and it becomes my job to make HIM happy...and these are just things that come to mind straight away....But this is just focusing on the negatives of course. Some positives are that he's intellectual, and funny, and likes to tell me lots how much he loves me, and is also constantly touching me and cuddling me.So... is there hope for this relationship? Should I try to fix it? Can I even try to fix it? Or is it doomed to failure? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 January 2009):
 It's not doomed to failure, no. But, it doesn't seem like much fun to be in. He sounds like he needs some more time to grow up and maybe he'd be better off flying solo. You sound like you'd definitely be better off with someone else.
It can be fixed, but it doesn't sound really like something worth fixing. He might have some good qualities, but other guys will have MORE good qualities and be more compatible with you. Wouldn't you like to be in a relationship where it's not this much WORK and you don't have to be fighting daily and you can just relax and enjoy the relationship?
You're young, so he is, you both have plenty more fish in the sea who will probably make each other much happier than you're making each other.
Good luck (and feel better!!).
A
male
reader, cdjudd +, writes (29 January 2009):
This sounds quite familiar to me. My ex had those exact same attributes. It's hard to say. For starters, the fact that he doesn't pull his own weight is ridiculous. A relationship requires two people. There is never just "YOU" or "ME" in a relationship. As for cartoons, those are the least of your worries. Based of my experience with my ex, I would give him the option to get his act together and act like a man or to find the door. He seems to have created this idea in his head, that this relationship revolves around him. The idea needs to be removed from his head by force. Also, if this is how he's acting now, how bad will it be a year or two from now? Stand up for yourself, you have rights and needs to. This relationship will DEFINITELY fail if he continues this behavior. Your family's acceptance of him is very important. If they dont like him, well it's pretty much a done deal and it's for a reason. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 January 2009):
Hun, anyone can touch you and cuddle you. It's a minimum requirement, not a positive.
You should never ever stay in a relationship where you feel you are settling because "he is nice sometimes."
These are some pretty major problems he has and I for one would be not inclined to put up with them long term.
I think you know that you are not happy but this last couple of days has just cemented it in your head. Take a while longer to think... "Do I want to put up with this for the rest of my life? Or do I want better?"
Good Luck!! xx
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