A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a tough question, I know. Thank you if you can give me an honest answer. I can accept an answer that I don't want to hear, even though it will kill me. I have had my heart broken before, and I always got up again when I didn't know if I had the strength to, but this time my feelings are too strong and my heart can't stand to be broken again. But I can accept an honest answer.I just want to know if there's hope that my best friend might kiss me again. As trivial as it sounds, it was so sweet and I just want one more kiss. A couple of weeks ago, my closest friend kissed me by surprise. I had visited his house earlier and he was walking home with me, when he looked me in the eyes and then kised me very gently. It was so sweet... and nothing else has ever made me feel the way his kiss did. I've kissed other boys but this was a million times more amazing. However,a week later, he apologized for it. He knows that I would like him to kiss me again, and he says that he will, but... ''later.'' He acts like he doesn't want to, but SAYS he does... and he has always been sincere. I am despairing because I want so badly to kiss him again, just one more time and because I love him so much as a friend and I'm confused by his actions. Why is he confusing and hurting me... even if he doesn't mean to?I realize that this question will seem trivial, even puerile, to some people and that others will judge me as a drama queen. But, my best friend kissed me recently and I'm starting to despair because it was so sweet, and felt amazing and I don't think he's ever going to kiss me again. I need him to but don't want to come across as desperate.I'm a TEFL teacher from the Florida, but I'm in Mexico and I was alone when I came here but I befriended a really great Mexican guy, whom I'll call ''David.'' To make a long story short, my best friend David and I have been close for a long time, and shared everything, but I am despairing because he has done things that have confused me... and I think, he has always been a true friend, I always trusted him... why is he doing things that hurt and confuse me?He and I have been friends for a long time, and I cherish his friendship. For a long time I just loved him as a friend, even though I loved him to pieces and still do. When I first met ''David'' (NOT his real name), I was in love with my boss, who I'm going to call ''Victor.'' I was living with my boss, but it was platonic and nothing sexual ever happened (I've never had sex before, btw), and I was heartbroken because I really liked Victor but he had a girlfriend and started acting cold to me and even rejecting my friendship. David and I were just friends and whenever Victor hurt me, there was David with his shoulder for me to cry on.I play the guitar and until recently played the guitar in a blues band, and I met David through his brother, who plays the drums. David is actually a great guitarist (we argue about who is better)and he understands my love for the guitar, something few people have done.Well, David and I began to get close, became best friends and tell each other everything, but lately I feel like he's hiding things and I'm hurt and confused. Furhtermore, I share everything with David and I can't share how I feel about him without coming across as desperate and maybe making him feel nervous. See, I still cherish him as a friend but lately I began to realize I had feelings for David. I denied it at first because I just wanted to enjoy our friendship and felt that my feelings would ruin everything but David would flirt with me from time to time, and I had been hoping and suspecting that he would kiss me. I can't deny it anymore, I've fallen for my best friend! But what is making me despair is that there has always been confidence between us, and now he is doing things that confuse me! If he doesn't want to kiss me, why doesn't he just SAY so? I cherish our friendship, and if I'm not destined to have his romantic love, I would be grateful to have him as a best firend. But now I'm scared that our closeness is threatened and I feel so ALONE!! He isn't in a relationship with anyone else, although he told me that almost a year ago, someone he really cared about didn't return his feelings and it hurt him. I feel torn because he's a special best friend and I feel like romantic feelings would ruin everything, but I imagine myself in a relationship with another guy and see a void. I am not sure I'm ready for a relationship with anyone. He and I play music, like I said, and we have talked about how a relationship would make it difficult to play in a band. There are a lot of things I haven't done yet that I need to do before I get into a relationship. I haven't finished my time playing in bands or traveling the world, and David has once said that he doesn't expect me to be in Michoacan for a long time. Anyway... he's my best friend, if he's my best friend, and doesn't want to kiss me, why doesn't he just TELL me? Why does a kiss mean so much to me? I need him to kiss me again but if I tell him then I'll come across as desperate.I HATE it when people say that there will be someone else. I have had my heart broken before, but if he is just one more person to get over, then why should I believe that things will EVER change? Furthermore I know in my heart that nobody will EVER be as special. I hate it when people say someone better will come along. I don't care if the Prince of Persia comes into my life, I would honestly say no thank you. I just want my friend to kiss me once more. I think he would be a great boyfriend, but if that's not meant to be I can accept it. I just miss his closeness and feel hurt because he's hiding something, after I thought we were really close it breaks my heart that he doesn't seem to be sincere and I think, our friendship means more than gold to me, is it an illusion?Thanks if you can help me! I am sorry that this is a long post. I would be overjoyed just to have him as a friend. And I need him to kiss me again but don't think that he EVER will. Is there hope for these things or am I just in denial?I'm so LOST!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Thanks Spunky... forgot to say Thank you but I meant it. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Thanks Spunky! I guess where there is life there is always hope. I just feel so confused by what's happened! I don't know why he hasn't if he wants to, or... if he doesn't want to, why he keeps saying, later. Thanks for understanding how I feel... that truly loving relationships are based on friendships. It's a paradox, the very same reason I don't want these feelings is the same reason that I have them. Our friendship is so special and I loved him like a brother for so long and I'm so afraid these feelings will ruin that. On the other hand, my best friend is everything I want in a boyfriend. Well meaning people tell me to move on to someone else, but I can't be happy with another person, because David is my best friend and the thing I want most is a boyfriend who is my best friend. There's a caveat, though. I'm here in Michoacán on borrowed time, and even though leaving behind my wonderful friend breaks my heart, I can't stay here forever. I'm a TEFL teacher and a blues guitarist, but there aren't many opportunities for me in Michoacan. I can't teach here forever and there are no more opportunities here to have music in my life. My friends knows that one day I will go to Cuernavaca, to some other country, even though I don't want to leave him behind... whilst he has a commitment staying here... his band.
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