A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Advice needed!!!I've been with my boyfriend now for nearly a year. We both go on things like msn, facebook and myspace but I've noticed that whenever he's on it when I'm there he'll quickly hide his messages or close them down very quickly. From the pictures I know that they are from other males, who too are gay. I trust my boyfriend and honestly think that he wouldn't cheat on me, but theres this 1% that niggles at me. So tonight I created a fake profile and picture of another nice lad my age claiming to be from his area, gay and the same age and asked to be his friend. My boyfriend accepted and several messages passed between us pleasantly enough, then when talking about holidays, my boyfriend said 'he'd been to Tenerife the year before and got up to all sorts and that the heat makes him horny and he's horny now'. My face nearly dropped, but I continued saying I was horny too, to see how far he'd go. The conversation turned to what he'd like to be done and what he likes sexually. Then I thought I'd ask him if he'd meet for a drink to see what he'd do. Luckily my boyfriend said he would like to but he had a boyfriend. But he did say he would like some webcam fun as he was horny!! In a way I'm happy as he wouldn't meet anyone so I don't think he'd cheat, but all this sexual talk he has makes me more annoyed than I was before as I'm guessing he must do it with all of them.What I want people to tell me is is there anything wrong with my boyfriend having harmless sexy chats with other men as long as they aren't leading anywhere or am I right to be a bit miffed!! I don't condone what I did either because a relationship needs to have trust.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 There isnt any grey area here my friend. Its just wrong. It cant be said any more plainly.I do have a question for you though, because you arnt actuly addressing the real situation. Why do you accept and play along with this? Its not enough to recognize that you played a part and that his actions are well...sleazy. You need to get more real with yourself. Is this what you will consider OK for your future relationships? Do you at this point in your life want to start compromising yourself? You have alot of years ahead of you and my advice is to work on becoming the kind of person you would want and surround yourself with people who are moving forward in a positive way. Not hiding and compromising and basically cheating on theyre partners.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (26 August 2007):
 Hi
I wouldnt be happy about it!
You need to speak to him, and i would tell him what you did. Fair enough you do need trust but if your instincts are telling you somethings not right, you tested it, and was proved right. If you had just spoken to him without evidence, chances are he would of denied it and you would be none the wiser.
I'm not all for chatting to others on the internet if you're in a happy relationship anyway. Especially if you are in each others company at the time. Its rude.
But thats just me.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (26 August 2007):
You question is is it ok for your bf to have a bit of 'harmless fun'? Well its obviously not harmless as this is upsetting you and it goes aginast yoru values and beleifs.
You have the right to feel better and to not have to worry about what 'harmless conversations' he is having with other guys. Sure he may not be tehcnicallycheating on you but showing signs of sexual attraction towards someone else and cybering is pretty close to it. Whether it be tehcnially classified as cheating or not, it still can cause awhole lot of problems, which in your case it obviously has.
You need to talk to your bf about your values and beleifs and what you will and will not accept in a relationship. You can either bring this topic up by saying what you did or you could jsut have a general chat about these sorts of things and then test him again and see if he still does it.
Personaly, whenever I enter a relationship I discuss with the guy what we classify as cheating and what we beleive to be acceptable and not so acceptable behaviour, that way you can see if you are on the some level and if not, find some middle ground. However its not too late for you! You can still do it, if you want to. I mean its up to you if you even wnat to continue the relationship. Personaly if I was you i would have a talking to him and tell him you will not accept such behaviour and if he dosnt get it, and doesnt stop it, then I would leave him because having different ideas abotu whats ok and not in a relationship wont make life easy.
And just remember you have the right to expect more from your bf. What he is doing is disrespectful to you. But whatever you choose to do, you must talk to him about how you are feeling. Communication is the key.
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A
female
reader, cassandra_096 +, writes (26 August 2007):
you have the right to be mad at ur boyfriend.what he is doing is wrong, if u r in a "serious"relationship nd your r satisfying ur man in both body nd mind y should he be talking freaky or having computer sex with other males.maybe this time it didnt end up as cheating, but who knows the next time around.. he might end up as cheating.talk to him about it nd if he has a problem with it i think u should stop seeing him in that way maybe it will be good to be friends with benifits... just a thought.well i hope i help..xoxo
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (26 August 2007):
 He's playing with fire, and will eventually act out. If you are having unprotected sex, you are in danger. I can tell you of a few couples that ended up with aids because they thought their lover wouldn't cheat. Where they ended up was dead. Trust is not an issue here, the trust has been broken. Confront him, and insist on a condom. Stay with him until you think in your heart you are ready to leave, and when the time is right, kick him to the curb. If you don't cheat yourself, then you will feel that much better about yourself when the kicking comes. Safe sex equates to a happy long life. Live life and love, it's too short already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Yep! He is bi. It's clear to me. If you are OK with it then case closed. Anyway, I think he might be emotionally cheating to you with these guys. It doesn't matter if it's physical or not, woman or not, cheating is cheating.
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