A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if there is any way of terminating a child support payment. My ex no longer allows me to see my daughter and I don't believe I should be paying for her when I can't even see her let alone talk to her. I could use that money for supporting my wife and three kids, instead of throwing it to a woman who keeps my child from me. Any recomendations or opinions (mean or nice) are appreciated.Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): My X is doing keeping me from seeing my child as we speak. I'm having a hard time financially so I'm also behind on child support, which has nothing to do with me seeing my child.
She does not want me to see the child because she hates my new wife. I'm looking at my options now, but I will see my child and thats the only guarantee I can let out at the moment.
Next week I'll be visiting with the case worker. I would have done this earlier but I really hate having others involved in my business (ie. the court). But, if my X cant stop acting like a child then so be it.
A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (24 July 2008):
 yeah what they said. The best you can do is get the order modified but you will have to prove severe financial hard ship and have the petition unopposed from the ex. I have yet to see this maniacal ex wife that denies her ex access to his kids just because. The just because I've seen in action was the worst acting out from an adult I have ever seen. My ex's ex could have them every other week end every wens night. A month in the summer. He has whittled this down to nada. Zero Zip. Does not see them at all. He tells every body she denies him access. But I was there. She went out of her way to facilitate things. In fact watching her with her kids and the lengths she went to, was what made her stand out as a quality person. From what I can tell the father comes in and demands instant deference and respect. And struts through the house wanting to be treated like some kind of royalty. When he finally perceives that he gets less then he expects he pouts and starts using the kids to punish his ex. Its the kids that lose out. The ex and her new guy don't really care. Which is not to say we will sabotage your efforts. There is just a point when its all on you. And the ex in question IS now my ex. I obviously don't pay child support but the girls are my friends. I can go by about any time and pick them up and take them Anywhere WELL NOT ANYWHERE but you know what I mean. But any connection we have I earned. Thats what biological fathers can't seem to understand. You are not paying for a relationship with your kids. You are being held to a commitment you made when you sired them. You still have to earn a place in your child's life. If it could be bought with money everybody would have one. But it can't you must earn it. And no one can do it for you. In a way divorced fathers have access to their kids on a level they never would if they has stayed in the marriage. In the context of a marriage you can hand them off when they get difficult. But few capitalize on it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): If you really want your daughter in your life, why don't you go to court for visitation rights?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): first you need to contact your case worker and explain you are not allowed to see or talk to your child they will definetly get you wat you need.as of paying well just because you cant see her dosent mean she is not eating or need clothes or all the other things that kis need.you act like you are renting her thats what it sounds like to me. like if i cant see her then i wont pay you.and you as a man have it easy you pay a monthly fee and see the kid once and a while but you dont know how hard it is to us mothers day to day working paying day care buying food bathing the kids ext.ext.ext.there are legal ways to fix this but not paying is not one of those.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (23 July 2008):
 You fathered the child, you pay for it. Don't expect much support from me for trying to get out of supporting your own child.
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A
female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 you should deal with the visitation problem seperately. those payments are for your child, which she is whether you see her or not. i can't believe you would punish your child for something your wife is doing. that is disgusting.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  + ♥, writes (23 July 2008):
 Hi
Not too sre how it works in the States, but here, regardless of if you see the child or not, you are still liable to pay for the upkeep. My 26 yr old brother is paying for 2 children he doesn't actually see through our Child support system (Csa). Its not a condition of maintenance here, weather you see them or not. Simply the fact you created this child 50/50 responsibility.
If you want to have something to do with the child, take her to court? Over here people can do that using whats called Legal Aid. Basically if they are not working, they can get the fee wavered to take the ex to court. But as i say, its going to be different where you are from i expect. But i am of the belief that, if you make a child, someone has to pay to bring them up! Why should it be the state?
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Well, your ex is violating a court order. I'm assuming you have a custody agreement which states visitation and child support. These are two separate issues- you are responsible for your children financially and you have to pay for their support. I agree that she is using your child as a pawn but there are actions you can take- the most extreme would be calling the police and having her arrested if she fails to hand over your child at the times specified in the court order- this would be a last resort.
I would send her a letter reminding her of your visitation and what actions you will take if she violates it and hopefully it won't go that far. I'm not sure how it got to this point where it was ever acceptable to you to not have regular visits with your child. If you haven't taken an active, consistent as a parent in your child's life (not showing up for visits, etc...), she may have a good reason but this does not relieve you of your financial obligations to that child.
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