A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do anymore, I'm at the end of my tether. I lost my job in September last year. I worked there for four months after leaving my previous job after five years. The company I moved to was meant to be training me to be one of their top professionals but one day, out of the blue, they told me that I wasn't right for the job and I was dismissed. Strange, because a week before they told me I was doing well. I've been unable to find work since. I've registered my CV with countless agencies and applied for hundreds of jobs. I've had about three interviews but nothing has come of them. I'm not entitled to any benefits because I live with my fiancee and the government says that because my fiancee works then she is responsible for me and can pay all the bills. We're meant to be getting married in four months. Before I lost my job, we managed to pay almost three quarters of the costs. Now, because there is a six month cut off point, everything has to be paid to the venue regardless of whether the wedding goes ahead or not. My fiancee has tried to apply for a loan. Everything seemed to look okay when they said yes to her application and then the next day turned around and said no. Our lives are going downhill and it's because of me. We have no money. Employers won't respond to my applications and I get fobbed off by all the agencies. There's no help for people like me. I have become worthless. I can't give me fiancee anything anymore. Thoughts of suicide have started entering my head, I think I'm sinking in to depression. Is there any help for people like me out there?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): ++ORIGINAL POSTER++ pebble, I have been going to the Jobcentre EVERY WEEK since I lost my job. I speak to advisor EVERY WEEK. I have filled out a Jobseeker's Allowance form and an Income-Based Jobseeker's Allowance form. I have been told on the phone and face to face by your advisors that I am NOT ENTITLED to any benefits because I LIVE WITH MY FIANCEE AND SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME. I have been unemployed for 8 months, slightly longer than your eight weeks!!
A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (8 May 2009):
 I work for Jobcentre+ in the UK. If you are out of a job you are entitled to job seekers' allowance until you find a new one.
Also, if there is no reason why you cannot work (you're looking after a young child or are sick), then the jobcentre will do their absolute best to get you into a job. So go and speak to an advisor at your local centre as soon as possible. They will meet with you every 2 weeks to check that you have been looking for jobs and give you a few suggestions on jobs you might be interested in. If they feel you have put enough effort in, they will then pay you your jobseekers' allowance.
Your question raises a few suspicions with me because wherever you found out that it is up to your fiance to pay the bills and support you - that is RUBBISH. The government don't say that. It is also incorrect that you are entitled to no benefits. You may be entitled to income support, Job Grant or New Deal benefit if you are out of work (providing you meet a few criteria). You just need to look into it a bit more.
The government do not want a abled-bodied young man doing nothing, they also do not want to be paying you jobseekers' allowance every fornight when you could be working. And they would NEVER say that it is up to someone else to support you, especially if you are not married.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but it's time to stop feeling orry for youself and do some proper research. Go to your jobcentre, they'll probably find you a job within 8 weeks. Talk to them about your position. There is help out there. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I'd just like to pick up on the comment you made about feeling worthless. Do you feel that you are worthless if you are not working?
Believe it or not, I do understand that feeling. But you are trying hard, so don't blame yourself. But the main point is, you are not worthless. Even if the situation remains difficult for a little while longer, you are still a valuable and worthwhile person.
In this society, it seems the emphasis is on work, status, what people do, etc. It certainly can make you feel like you are nobody if you can't work for whatever reason. But it is not true. I'm sure this statement has been used before, but we are human BEINGS, not human doings.
Don't look down on yourself, and good luck. x
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (8 May 2009):
 first off what a nasty company you joined up with! in the current climate moving from a stable position is not always the best option but dont beat yourself up as it aint gonna bring back your spilt milk. you are alive and healthy so cherish that as many dont have it (my mum does volunteer in a hospice and it well makes you happy to have proper health)
have a look into having your debts wiped off (even if they are not that big). as for the marriage, if it doesn't go ahead then so what? its just a piece of paper. love is about being there for one another through good and bad (this if i remeber is one of the original christian vows) so remember that things will improve if you are at your lowest and that life is ebb and flow and constant change in circumstance.
if your feelings become unmannagable then go to the doctor and get an anti depressant to help ride out the next couple of months until you find a job. if you cant get one then do voluntary work to save your sanity from having all day to think about whats happened.
keep busy and get excercising NOW. keeping your head strait is THE thing that will help you win over other similarly down beat candidates (the whole country is full of sad people at the mo-what stands out is a joyous carefree lovefool). chirpy gets the position-believe you me!
best of luck-I KNOW YOU can do it!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (8 May 2009):
first off what a nasty company you joined up with! in the current climate moving from a stable position is not always the best option but dont beat yourself up as it aint gonna bring back your spilt milk. you are alive and healthy so cherish that as many dont have it (my mum does volunteer in a hospice and it well makes you happy to have proper health)
have a look into having your debts wiped off (even if they are not that big). as for the marriage, if it doesn't go ahead then so what? its just a piece of paper. love is about being there for one another through good and bad (this if i remeber is one of the original christian vows) so remember that things will improve if you are at your lowest and that life is ebb and flow and constant change in circumstance.
if your feelings become unmannagable then go to the doctor and get an anti depressant to help ride out the next couple of months until you find a job. if you cant get one then do voluntary work to save your sanity from having all day to think about whats happened.
keep busy and get excercising NOW. keeping your head strait is THE thing that will help you win over other similarly down beat candidates (the whole country is full of sad people at the mo-what stands out is a joyous carefree lovefool). chirpy gets the position-believe you me!
best of luck-I KNOW YOU can do it!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 If you are having these thoughts, the last thing you should be worrying about is this wedding...
YOU NEED TO HEAL YOURSELF RIGHT NOW.
Things are very hard for many people worldwide. Since I haven't been to The UK since last year, I dont really know how bad it is on your side of the pond, but I am sure its just as bad where I am in the Rust Belt.
I am sorry that you got screwed at you new job...it sucks that you were being groomed for an executive position and then let go. I take it that you left your former employ because you were to become an exec?
There is a guy I know that was making three quarters of a million dollars last year in the financial world. Now he is sweeping floors to keep his electric on.
Yeah its bad, but dust yourself off, stand up and make finding a job...your job right now. Even if it seems degrading, money is money. I dont meant degrading to the point of criminality, but take whatever you can get right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Firstly, if you've got suicide on your mind get in touch with the Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org/ No doubt they've had quite a few calls from people in your position over the last couple of months or so.
I don't think there's much more you can do regarding finding work except to keep on trying. My son in law lost his job as a computer engineer last September but now he works shifts in a large transport company's warehouse stacking shelves with a forklift truck. It's not what he was used to doing, but at least it's a job and bringing the money in. He still does computer fixing as a lucrative sideline after putting a few adverts in the local paper. Perhaps you could also consider a different line of work.
Keep banging on the door of your local jobcentre. Any work is better than no work at all.
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