A
male
age
41-50,
*fries22
writes:I've been married and divorced. I want to eventually marry my new girlfriend, but we have a difference in marriage processes. She wants to be married the "right" way which is being registered with the state. However, I do not believe in the governments rights in being involved with marriage since this is a separation of church and state.So my question is:Is there a way to be married before God by man of the cloth and take vows but not file the paperwork and she still change her last name?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): Maybe the OP is against the financial laibility involved. In the USA a legal marriage has become a pretty bad risk for men.
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (7 February 2010):
I don't really understand what you mean when you say "you don't believe in govt rights to be involved in marriage". What does that mean and why you be against it? I don't get it. What is the downside of having the govt recognize your marriage?
Honey, if you don't file the paperwork, your wife will not be recognized as your wife by the law. You won't be able to file joint tax returns and the benefits that brings. If you get sick she won't be allowed to make medical decisions for you. When you die, she won't have access to your benefits.
What you are saying is you want the benefits of marriage without having to legally commit to her. I guess maybe you are afraid of divorce again. Then it sounds to me like you want to "lock your woman" up without actually being responsible towards her should it not work out.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 If you are planning to spend any considerable length of time with her, you will be considered by law to be in a common law marriage (defacto) and would each be entitled to have your union viewed in the same context as a legal marriage. In Australia it is only 2 years before these rules apply. In fact, I am dealing with my deceased fathers estate at the moment and his girlfriend that he never even lived with looks likely to have equal rights to his superannuation and death benefits as as his own children.
What may I ask then, is the big deal? The law will view it the same regardless of whether it is on paper or not, .. so why get in a tangle over that side of it. If you want to be with her, then be with her, .. signing papers or not will not change the laws view of it or any entitlements in the long run.
What exactly is the issue in principle that make you have an aversion to doing such?
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I suppose so, but it won't be a legal marriage. It won't be recognized by the law. Although after 7 years I believe it is considered a common law marriage.
What you should do is research the laws...that way you will get the accurate answers.
Good Luck!
~BG~
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 As far as I'm aware in the US she can change her name to whatever she likes. If you find a friendly clergyman he can conduct a "blessing" service which can be very much like a marriage service.
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