A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am an Orphan brought up by one of my Uncles who is no more.At the age of 27 one of Aunties(Uncle's side)took pity on my bachelor life and proposed to get me married to some one whose parents my Autny had known for years.As it turned out later on my Aunty wanted to repay this Family the debts she owed from this Family by marrying me to one of their daughters.This women who I got married in 1987 has been giving continues trouble ever since marriage.Initially when her faterh was alive she used to go away to Chennai even with lightest pretence.I was those days posted in Patna.Having come from a modest background without parents etc,I used to tolerate every thing.I had accepted all the in-laws as my own parents and brothers and sister,which they completely exploited to the extent they even took away my only Son who is now 21years old does not even keep touch with me.I had brought him up till the age of 16 and when he was appearing for X exams they helped him run away from the House.My in-laws were not even bothered about their own daughter who is married to me.Seeing all this I always stood with my wife.But she has never stood by me.I have a daughter for whose sake I still have to continue keeping mum.My plight has become so harsh that even after officer hours i have to cook my self or else my daughter who is attending college will not get quality food.I am under constant pressure.There is no monetary support from any one else baring my earning.I am now 51 years old and due to all these things I have started having high blood pressure.There is some thing called pent up force.Yesterday exactly this happened.Not able to sustain any more I started breaking everything in the house.Seeing my daughter's helplessness i cooled down.I can't bear this anymore.Is there a way out of this mess.Please suggest.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Thank you so much!! I wish the very best for you. Please always be positive...I believe in the circle of life. What goes around, comes around. You have been good and done your duty, things will never go wrong with you. God will walk with you through everything. All the very best to you. Regards...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn a larger context there is a lull in the house after that storm in which I became frusterated & shattered few brittle articles.My wife is not in a talking terms she eats seperately with my daughter I eat if I want otherwise my daughter cajoles me to have meal.In a situation like this I do not enter the kitchen but burden is shared between my wife & daughter.They run out of ideas in cooking therefore eat whatever is done by them.Life has been going on like this for the past 21 years.The reason why I penned down these things was in anticipation of getting some suggestion to face this misery.But what I got was more of a support,courage & confidence which was more than I got.I also know I have to face this but only moral support.Many a times I thought I must have sinned to have got this punishment.I was only happy when the kids were young & when I look back how I passed these 2 decades I am amassed now that every passing days is really tough.But God has given this & like you said God will show the way.One of my Uncles has settled in France for the past 35 years & he used to say how women are protected by law in France.This gave me insight into I do not require any Governmental order to protect my women(wife & daughter)but I will take care of them till I live & also provide them a respectful & meaningful life even if it matters at the cost of my happiness.This has what has been pulling me so far & may also pull further.Honestly I was expecing some suggestions & words of encouragements from men.I am pleasently surprissed to hear a sympathetic advice from a female reader.My decision to safegaurd two females(wife & daughter)is vindicated.Thanks god.Once again may your type female readers be blessed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile thanking you profusely for taking time & your valuable thoughts to respond & suggest me ways to keep up with life only shows that there are people with beautiful mind & imaculate thinking.One of the reasons why this World is also worth living for full life.Some people like you always have knack to see things in life positively.May god bless you & all you love & also may your breed increase a thousand fold.Where you are my love,respect & prayers.Thank you again
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (26 October 2010):
I must tell you this...you are a truly wonderful person, to put up with all this, and even after all the hell your wife has inflicted upon you, you dont want her to shift to her parents place...wow!! That just says so much about you.
I think thats your answer.
You have the stamina and strength to pull through this. I'm telling you...you do...your resilience and strength of mind is something I wish we could all have, and this will see you through everything in life. I believe in God, and I believe that God doesnt ever put us through anything which we cannot handle. Your life has been a very difficult test, but you should be proud of yourself! You could have been a completely different person given the circumstances, but you are a caring husband and a wonderful father, and I know that you will tide over all this.
And you're so lucky to have Casper...its wonderful to have a pet at home! You just need to work with all the good things in your life...your wife is clearly not a part of anything, but you have to provide the best environment for your daughter and Casper. See...you do have so many good things...I know its difficult, but please dont lose heart.
Thanks for the follow-up!! All the very best to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you indeed for your valuable time & energy & thoughts..that too coming from a female reader makes it more meaningful & I feel so humble.
Now answers to your quieries:-
My wife is living with me & I donot want her to go to her family because I know they are rutheless & she will suffer in the long run.
Yes indeed my son is regular in touch with his mother & sister & I do not want to spoil this relationship by putting any conditions.I do not know whether he enquires any thing about me or not,because I have told to him very clearly that if he want my relationship then he has to stay with me.
My wife cooks occasionly but won't be palatable & does not go vairety which my daughter loves,therefore I have to involve.I have kept two helpers to do the household chores but that is not sufficient.I have a Labredor named Casper who has to be taken care.He has a binding factor between us.My daughter does more than 60% of his requirements.What is intrigueing is my wife's foul mouthing which disrupts the harmony of the house.She has got a very sharp tongue which is soly responsible for my Son's dithering.
Well as you said I have to continue till atleast my daughter is married away which is a social binding for us in India.
But once again thank you very much for your thoughts & suggestions.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (25 October 2010):
Oh that is really sad!! But i dont get it...do you live with your wife as of now or not? Where is your son these days and is your wife in touch with him?
But more importantly, what do you want now? Clearly this marriage has been a farce and its over, but you need to get on with your life. I assume from your post that your daughter lives with you. For her sake and your own sanity and well being, you have to take control of your life and emotions. What has been damaged cannot be repaired now, because it looks like there is no effort given by your wife towards all this....so you cannot even expect anything from her now. If you still live with her, then you need to sort out issues and probably do whats best. I know its difficult being a single parent, but look at the bright side...you have a lovely daughter. How do you think she feels when she sees her father feeling so bad and breaking down? It must break her heart!!
Lets see whats the best you can do...i know its difficult to get back from work and cook and clean, why dont you try and get someone to come to come and cook for you at least once a day?If finances are a problem, then I guess you might have to do it yourself...I dont know how things work in India...but I guess this is possible?
But first and foremost,get out of this mental mess once and for all. Talk to your wife for the last time and just take a decision and make a good life for yourself and your daughter.
Hope that helps. All the best...
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