A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the last five months I was living with my boyfriend. He moved in only a few weeks after we started dating but we have been friends for several years. Things were going great, our kids got along well and we all had fun together. The problem is we drank a lot together and we would get into fights, little fights and big fights. I kicked him out twice and both times he was back the next day, but then I kicked him out again. I did this while I had been drinking and don't even remember doing it. It has been about a week now and he is still out of the house. We are broken up now and I am heartbroken, I love this person and want to fix our relationship. I have taken the steps needed to stop drinking and we are still friends talking almost daily. Is there a chance that this relationship can be saved?
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female
reader, verity  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 You say your boyfriend moved in after a few weeks but you've been friends for several years. The transition from platonic friendship to becoming girlfriend/boyfriend can be difficult. Do you think you both expected too much of each other too soon? You both need to stop drinking and start affresh. You both need to talk about how you can salvage anything from this experiance.You also need to consider your children in all of this, they must be very confused and frightened.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): There's a chance, if you're both still willing to put in the work. Was his drinking an issue also?I also can't help but think that drinking cannot be the only issue at hand, many couples drink together and don't have these issues - what exactly were you fighting about when drunk - the same issues or different things each time? And if different is there a general theme or pattern you can spot in the issues?I think if it got to the point where you have kicked him out three times you should seek counselling as well as stopping drinking. Whether it be for yourself alone, or for the both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): I don't think you should even be focused on a relationship with anyone until you get yourself straight first. You have a problem which you are aware of. Focus on that FIRST AND FOREMOST and think about a relationship later on. Who knows...maybe it can work if you both work at getting your lives together first. Sounds like love, in addition, it also sounds like there maybe some sort of co-dependency at the heart of this relationship as well. You guys are too old to be carrying on in this manner. Get the required help needed, buy some helpful relationship books and then go from there.
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A
female
reader, ellie:) +, writes (14 November 2009):
 FIRST OF ALL STOP DRINKING!!! SECOND OF ALL i think it could work if he loves u too! u could try asking him to move back in and see wat happens!!!!! GOOD LUCK :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): First of all I would stop the excessive drinking, which you have, as you said. If you can't remember that you kicked him out, you were probably drinking too much. I would say the same for your boyfriend. If he still drinks excessively, I would try my best to get him to stop.Second, if you truely love him, confront him, and talk with him about it. Maybe he feels the same way. You did say that you are still friends, so obviously you still care for each other somewhat. The worst possible feeling is not asking that question when you have the opportunity to. You guys were lovers so he should understand your motives.Sorry if my answer did not help you, but that is how I would confront it.
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