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Is something wrong with me that I’m aroused by evidence of my wife’s cheating?

Tagged as: Cheating, Health, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 March 2018)
A male Peru age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I found out that my wife reconnected with a former boyfriend after 28 years via email. They were exchanging email and vivid sexual chats. When I confronted her, she said that it was just imagination and nothing. Although she apologised, she refuses to admit what I read in her emails and chats; expression of love, web cams discussion showing their bodies and meeting personally twice.

The easiest thing to do is just erased the emails and chats I had but for some reason, I refuse to do it. In fact, I sometimes read them and I feel aroused while reading their exchanges of sexual talks etc. I even masturbate after reading.

Is there something wrong with me?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2018):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your comments. I still love my wife although she refuses to admit what she did. I guess time heal all wounds. I realized that she is just like any human being, imagining or doing things with another guy. For me, I just take whatever it is and if reading the emails and chats arouses me, then so be it. We are still good in bed once I a while.

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A male reader, liddel United States +, writes (11 March 2018):

There are many that feel the way that you do. I'm one of them and have always been this was from as long as I can remember.

Is it a seed planted or a natural inclination? I sure don't know. Back before even being a teen, I stumbled onto some "adult" magazines in my college aged brother. One of them was a nudist magazine. There was a story that went with the pictures, probably made up, to explain the activities.

In one picture, It showed a few people mingling with drinks, all in the buff of course and it named the people. Bill and his wife Jane, Jack and his wife Jill, etc. It was shocking to me that a man would let his wife be seen naked but a bit of a thrill at the same time. Did this plant a seed in my brain that formed one of my sexual kinks or was I always predisposed to it? Some of my kinks, I'm sure I was predisposed to having but about this once, cannot be sure.

With my serious high school girlfriend, I tried to encourage strip poker, skinny dipping etc., in groups. She was all for it and it was a blast. There has always been a natural tendency is exhibitionism with me and safe to say, her too.

Later, I shared three different girlfriends in my early adult years. That was awesome. Yes there was jealousy, but the excitement of it happening was worth it. There are some other kinks I have that are connected with this but they're not necessarily part of your issue and mentioning them would only gratify me, so they will be left out.

Early in the dating with my wife, we had agreed to be exclusive to see if what we both thought was there, really existed. A few weeks after that, she ran into a former fb that was in a similar industry as hers, that the two of them would sleep together on the road. That evening, she let him get her drunk and they spent the night together.

It was more than a dozen years later and more than a decade after we were married, that she drunkenly confessed it. On the one hand, I was very angry because she had broken a promise between us. It would have broken us up because it showed a disrespect of me and our relationship. On the other, from a pure physical standpoint, it was exciting to me. One of my favorite thoughts for masturbation is thinking about my wife wanting "John's" big dick in her so bad, that she let him get her drunk to do it.

I've never shared my wife though I sure would enjoy it I'm certain I could have, with the right setup and enough alcohol and weed but then I might lose my marriage over it that I would take advantage of her in an inebriated state.

Among some other things, I read stories about wife sharing to turn me on. Also, I like looking at pictures of men with hard dicks and imagine her having sex with them. These are another two of my masturbation fantasies.

Back to your question, years ago, I read a quote from an editor at one of the Penthouse magazines that stated the number one thing that readers liked to read about was watching their wife or so have sex with others. The number two porn search on google has to do with a wife having sex with others. You're not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Some people hide from their kinks but I've embraced mine and you are welcome to do the same. As long as they don't involve rape, assault, animals or children, they are harmless to society but very exhilarating to you.

As to whether or not her and the ex did anything, I don't know. Nearly thirty years later, she might not have wanted him to see her in an aged body even though they both fondly remembered their sex together. If I had to bet one way or the other, my money would be that she did, that he did, that they did each other. Given that this has brought out a new found excitement for you, no reason to divorce.

Just curious, have you shown total fidelity to your marriage vows? In one way or another, the answer is usually no. I'm not saying that everyone that's married cheats, but fantasies about others, etc., is not pure either. Sexual flirting, emotional attachments to others, this is all the same bag. Not that fantasy is as bad as actual cheating, it still isn't being the husband you promised to be.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (10 March 2018):

You have a cuckold fetish. Many men have it. I don’t understand it but it works for some men.

What you should be concerned about is your wife professing love for another man. Your marriage could be in serious trouble. If your wife won’t discuss it with you it means she is probably still seeing the guy and possibly planning to leave you. You need to get the truth quickly.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 March 2018):

Yes, there is! Your marriage is in trouble; but you're finding sexual-gratification in spying on your wife's affair.

Your head is in the wrong place. Apparently; so is your heart.

You're deriving pornographic-pleasure from spying on your wife's cheating. Seriously, you don't see anything wrong with that? Perhaps you're suppressing your real feelings and internalizing your anger; but what's going to happen when you come out of your present state of denial and fantasy?

I guess the problem is you are so emotionally-unavailable and detached that you can't connect your feelings or release the usual emotional-response appropriate to the situation.

Seems your marriage is over; and your wife knew it before you did.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2018):

There’s nothing wrong with you. I found a sex tape of my husband with other woman and even though I cried a lot, I got aroused too and sometimes (often) when we make love I picture them having sex. And it’s really weird because I hate that I saw that, it made me bitter as hell but it still arouses me. And I get the same reaction : is something wrong with me? But after reading this, maybe it’s just human nature. What you should meditate is did you get excited about her before all this happened or you were bored? That may point that it’s a reaction when you learn that something is not completely yours you kind of want it more than when it’s served at your feet.

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