A
female
age
22-25,
*ranny1297
writes:ok, so there's this girl at school who hangs out with us in our group, she's shorter than me but she's a real ****h. she always makes fun of my name, she greets me with a really embarrasing and mean insult.She makes fun of my past (which i don't know how she knows). i have good comebacks, i think, and she says that my comebacks are rubbish. She only gives me problems. She laughs at me for everything i do i hate her, hate her, hate her!! she makes me feel so bad about myself. when she walks she always goes behind me and trips me up badly, then laughs at me in a horrid, put-you-down way. She ruins my day everyday. i mean, i've already got my own problems, and i don't need her to add to it. i've told her that i would go to my head of year to tell her about all of this, but i feel like i will be distubing her. is she trying to bully me? please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Do wish the powers that be or some billionaire who cares about domestic abuse would fund a permanent site so that everyone can always find Biderman's chart of coercion in the one permanent place
Here it is - the road map of how abusers abuse.
http://www.mytoxicboss.com/torture.html
Just do not give them the response they want. or the abuse will only escalate to the next level.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 June 2015):
Once again an update as the URL has disappeared again, but I have found the relevant chapter online as a .pdf on bullying.
Just in case anyone reads the update below and finds the link does not work.
well this link does work at the moment re Biderman's Chart of Coercion and the Robyn Mann chapter that is in the book Bullying from Backyard to Boardrom. Qld Uni Press and one of the editors was William Wilkie.
Here it is:
Biderman's Chart of Coercion was developed
when Robyn Mann was in Amnesty International.
The Chart helps the victim of viciousness to recognise what level of bullying they are currently experiencing and the important thing is to NOT to react the way the bully expects.
Biderman’s Chart of Coercion included - Robyn Mann
https://sites.google.com/a/universityworkplace.com/resources/Home/psychological-abuse-in-the-workplace (also available as a .pdf)
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A
female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (7 October 2012):
franny1297 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone, this bitch is going down once and for all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): The posters before me gave you great advice that you should follow if she's bullying you.
She may just be one of these annoying fuckers who think this is all just a joke and you're playing along, a friendly game seeing as you are coming out with comebacks and stuff.
Just ask her to stop, seriously simple as that. Nicely ask her not to do that kind of shit anymore as it's starting to bother you.
That should be that.
If she's a bully she won't stop, if she's only playing then she'll stop.
Try that then come back to us OP. She may be annoying but it may be her personality. She may think this is a fun thing to do with people she likes and if she's actually bullying you then all you have to do is make it clear to her that she's going to stop or you're going to stop her.
Try the nice way first, it'll probably work.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 October 2012):
Also, my version of a PS:)
http://www.williamwilkie.com/bullying.htm
download the information on the book “Bullying from backyard to boardroom” on that site above – and in particular read chapter seven = Psychological Abuse In The Workplace by Robyn Mann from page 98 onwards.
That chapter seven is GOLD as it has the very BEST version of Biderman's Chart of Coercion - that helps explain how bulllies operate. and how the victim reacts (but, imho, the victime should not react that way)
Bullying is the same where ever it occurs - be it in the home, at school, in a club, in a workplace, in an aged care facilty, in a prison or any other institution.
The only thing that changes is the intensity.
Bullying can be an unkind glance once too many times.
Bullying can be one disgusting act.
or it can be regular unrelenting nasty abuse.
And it can be so serious that reprehensible abuse occurs.
What Biderman’s Chart of Coercion teaches (I speak from experience of being bullied and from overcoming the horrible abuse) is that it is VERY important to NOT react as the bully expects as the bully keeps on escalating the abuse the more the bully thinks the bully has you defeated and on the ropes.
Assertive (not aggressive) responses that are respectful but make it clear that the bully is not “getting” to you are helpful.
Always take the high ground. It does not shame the Bully. A bully has no shame. But am assertive (not aggressive) response that is respectful but shows that you are not cowered and not beaten makes a bully (Bullies are always cowards) retreat a little as they are so shocked.
Bullies have no respect at all for the people they bully. Bullies are inadequate people.
The version of the Biderman’s Chart of Coercion in chapter seven in the book Bullying from Backyard to Boardroom” is the Best version that I have ever seen.
And it is easier to read than many of the other versions (although good) that are reproduced in Word format. Or in a PDF
The full book name that I refer to above is “Bullying-From Backyard to Boardroom” - William wilkie
this word (PDF) version (below)of the Chart is still good,
But not as good as the one in the book above.
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/Chart_of_Coercion1.pdf
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 October 2012):
Also, and this is VERY important: Do not retaliate with the same bullying behaviour.
Bullies are known for the fact that they often try to goad the victim to react.
They goad and goad and goad and try to get a reaction.
Then they report the reaction as Bullying. Then they will smirk at you, knowing they bullied you, but that when they accused you the teachers knew nothing of what you had been enduring and only what the bully told them.
So NOBullying at school
First go to a school counsellor to tell them that you are being bullied and ask what can be done about the bullying. Bullying is unacceptable on every level and I am very sorry that you are suffering this.
Please start a small discreet diary and write in every instance of bullying and always include these things:
The date, type of bullying, when it occurred and where it occurred . Who was there and who did nothing to stop the bullying. What was done and what was said and any steps you did to take control of the situation. Award yourself a Gold star on that page if you know that you reacted assertively
What constitutes bullying?
Physical – pushing or shoving you. Punching you. Hitting you. Kicking you. Leaving bruises on your body. Bashing a student and in some instances even hurting a student so badly that the child is permanently maimed or killed. Bullying is unacceptable in every instance.
Emotional Bullying. This can include treating you less favourably. Excluding you from events. Ostracising you by everyone choosing to not speak to you. Ignoring you in a deliberate way. Feigning ignorance that they had intentionally hurt you when in truth they deliberately do the things they did to hurt you. Manipulating your friends to make your friends think that you are not worthy to be anyone’s friend.
Verbal bullying. Calling you nasty names. Saying things that are not true. Making up hurtful rumours about you. Vilifying you or your family or those people you like. Saying hurtful things in ways to cause you the most pain and the most distress possible. Refusing to stop doing this when asked.
Cyber-Bullying Using the internet and mobile phones to cause you pain and humiliation. Such as bombarding you with hundreds of texts saying cruel and nasty things to you. Putting up nasty comments about you on Facebook. Ganging up on you so that soon other weak and nasty people then join in with the online bullying.
Homophobic bullying is a specific type of bullying that is very cruel.
Bullying can also involve another person stealing particular property that is your own and which valuable or very important to you and then trying to hurt of humiliate you with repercussions from that theft. Or breaking or destroying something with the wish to cause you distress or to hurt you emotionally or financially or socially.
http://www.education.gov.uk/aboutdfe/advice/f0076899/preventing-and-tackling-bullying
Bullying is against the law in your country and the schools have a responsibility to take action against a bully. The school has a responsibility under the Education and Inspections Act 2006 to prevent bullying and to discipline the bully. Under the Equality Act 2010 schools have a responsibility to comply with this act to eliminate bullying. And under the Children’s Act 1989 the school is required to report bullying to effectively deal with it and seek out other agencies for support to counteract the bullying in some circumstance. Some types of bullying can be defined as a Criminal offence. And this could land a student in trouble and lead to the student being deal with within the Juvenile Court system. If the bully tries to bully you off the school premises the school still has additional powers to deal with the bullying and in some instances the school may need to contact the Police to deal with some types of bullying.
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm
http://www.kzoo.edu/psych/stop_bullying/resources/websites.html
So NO retaliation please? But Yes, do report it to the school authorities as soon possible.
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