A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been in a long term relationship for years. A few months ago, a girl started working the same place as me. She's also in a relationship. We get on like best friends, we've told each other almost everything, some things we were too unsure to tell our own partners. Three months ago, this girl, lets call her S, started being really nice. She got drunk and kept asking what I'm like in the bedroom. She proceded to tell me things she has done. Still, I brushed it off as being over flirty. But she did contradict herself a lot. She would say one minute shes scared of her feelings towards me, then the next, scared i like her too much. She said if our partners cheated she would be all over me. She asked me to visit her, where we just sat and hugged all evening. It felt bad, but we didn't do anything else. People at work think we are seeing each other, despite her being more friendly towards another guy on the Xmas night out. Recently she says shes turned off her feelings completely, but then she got drunk and said she loves me. (as a friend). She says she might leave her boyfriend because he's always with his mates, but she now thinks she couldn't be with me because she cares about me too much, and is scared of losing me? All this is blagging my head. Is she just purposely messing with my feelings? I don't know what to do, we've spoke every day for the last few months and i think about her a lot. Is it a phase and is she just setting me up for a fall?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): To me it sounds like she's just as confused as you are. I think she's feeling a lot of guilt because she is somewhat attracted to you but committed to someone else. She isn't messing with you on purpose but I can see why it is so confusing! I wouldn't ask her directly what is going on because she'll give you a 'nothingy' answer, as I like to call them, meaning one that wont really help you at all. She'll just plead ignorance I think or tell you she has a boyfriend so nothing is going on. To be honest, I would just try and forget about her, keeping the friendship just friendly and don't do something you're going to regret, especially as you are in a relationship too.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (28 December 2015):
 Throughout all this you havent even mention your girlfriend? What are your feelings for her? If you are considering cheating, you should really let your gf go to pursue this girl who clearly isnt that into you.
Just to let you know, if a girl is shady, means she isnt that into you but willing to 'try' you. I know if I wanted a guy, nothing would stop me EXCEPT if he explicitly told me he isnt interested.
If you both want to cheat, go ahead. But dont break peoples heart along the way, kindly let the gf go so you can date the shady person instead.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Songwr1ter  +, writes (28 December 2015):
No, no, no...Don't go for this one.. She has a boyfriend. And what she's doing, isn't fair on you, or that guy she's dating. She may not be trying to confuse you on purpose, in which case, you could talk to her, and explain how she's confusing you, but once that issue's solved, just continue to be friends. Don't take it any further than that.
Does she know what she's been saying when she's drunk? Maybe that's what's really confusing .. Just talk to her, because the more you let it carry on, the more confusing it's going to get....
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