A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hiIs sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating?I've been married 4 years, and over the past couple of months been concerned about my wife. I found dirty texts on her mobile to a guy she works with, some pictures were also sent back and forth. To be honest I didn't look at anymore than a couple as i found it a bit shocking.I confronted her about this and she was ashamed and said nothing ever happened, and it had nothing to do with how she felt about me, but that she was just flirting?I'm hurt and confused, she seems to think that this isn't that bad and it's not something I should leave her over.. let me know what you all think.thank you
View related questions:
flirt, phone sex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): Hi I currently posted a similar question. My husband has done the same to me... however his was phone sex and emails with various women. I am still coming to terms with it but my husband has admitted he has a serious addictive problem.
We are getting help counselling and have our first relate session next week. Maybe you should suggest something like this to your wife.
I think people are right she is doing this to fill a void in her life. My husband has had a troubled childhood and past, and may be made redundant. I believe that is why he does them things. Otherwise our relationship had been brilliant.
I hope it works out!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): Emotional cheating is still cheating! There is a difference between Fantasy and cheating emotionally or physically.
Fantasy's are NOT INTERACTIVE. A fantasy is some act/thought only played out in one's own mind. Cheating IS INTERACTIVE !! She says then He responds, then she says and he responds. That is cheating.
She is trying to fill some void she has in herself. Whether You can fill it, unknown. She has to be very honest and completely truthful-open with you if you have any hope of getting past this.
Communication has to be extremely effective if there is any hope to repair this damage to your self-esteem. She has to WANT to FIX this, You will NEVER "make her" do anything.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again to all who've responded.
I do still love her very much, but I don't see how I can continue, i feel broken. I'm sure she's still texting him, and I have my doubts that she has'nt had been with him. it all seems to exciting for her I'm sure and the next step if it has'nt already happened was for them to be intimate.
I need to figure out what to do next.
cheers
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): now soon this is an answer i like, and i rated you excellent.
yep the misses is cheating and Please do not take her word that she has not been f*cking this other man. ".....she seems to think that this isn't that bad and it's not something I should leave her over.. " what does she consider bad, having you find her with another man poking his d*ck in her? i sound rude but can you imaine her audacity. you have been her fool for moths now. choosing to continue being her fool is a choice. and make a firm decision whether you want a cheater in your life. she will NEVER stop her affair, be it with the current one or not. she now has the taste of the exciting, forbidden life. she is not going to give it up easily. she will just get smarter at hiding and deceiving you and lieing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I have been in this postion myself with my partner, but it was him doing it not me, he said he didn't cheat it was pure fantasy but it does still hurt me like it does you?? We started at relate 2 weeks ago and we had our 2nd session at the weekend and I have to say I am
really pleased at how it's going- will go.. I been feeling more positive about our relationship than I have in a really long time
good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 January 2010):
 I agree, I think she's making an excuse. If she really feels love and support from you then she should have no need to be looking elsewhere. If she's lonely she should be looking to join a womens group, take up a hobby or aquiring a pet...NOT sending dirty text messages to some bloke at work.
Don't let her walk all over you, you sound like a decent bloke, so you need to let her know how serious you are about sorting things out!!
Aunty Em xx
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
The problem is that she's lonely then. Suggest you both speak together about that. It's still no excuse though.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all
thanks for your thoughts.
AuntyEm
you're right about talking etc, but i do proved a lot of love and support for her, however I feel that I've become the safe place for her to recieve love and support. She said the texts were'nt about her being bored of me or that I wasn't there for her, but that she was feeling lovley about her friends and family living far away and she was getting some sort of comfort out of this guy?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Shes your wife and expressing sexual feelings for another man. Its cheating.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): it isn't really cheating, but it is totally wrong & your being made a mug out of my friend if you ask me.
--Jay--
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 January 2010):
In my book it's cheating and she should feel ashamed.
You need to find out why this has happened, don't let her put you off the truth with some half hearted excuse, saying it doesn't mean anything...IT MEANS A LOT because it has damaged your trust in her.
Try to establish if something is lacking in your relationship with her...women tend to need regular reassurance that they are loved and secure. It's easy to forget to appreciate oneanother and maintain closeness, so you might need to work on it.
Relationships can recover from infidelity if there is total honesty and moves to improve things but if you find her flirting again then it's your call whether to stay or go.
Best of luck
Aunty Em xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Junegirl +, writes (19 January 2010):
It's a hard one. Although she said nothing hasnt happend, she didnt tell you about the texts, you found out. She's a married woman, and being married is about total commitment and being faithful. Are you willing to trust that nothing did happen and forgive her?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
Yes it is. She's married, so what is she doing sending dirty texts and photos to another man? It is bad. Don't let her fool you. And I don't mean to scare you more, but are you sure she hasn't cheated? Flirting is one thing, sending messages and photos is something else.
...............................
|
