A
male
age
36-40,
*evil Crazy
writes:Hi all,This question has been around in my mind for quite some time. So I would like to know does doing that actually makes that person you want crave for you, like you more and wants to pursue you instead?'Cos I am susceptible to becoming too available to the one I like at times...what's a good way to reverse this?I am not into playing games as relationships go, but sometimes I cannot help but feel that some of the 'game tactics' are actually quite useful.Any opinions would be appreciated.Devil Crazy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (20 September 2008):
 Oh dear darling. I hate to say it but when romance seems to be such hard work ....... and in the early stages when it should be fun ........... is this the right person for you at all? Can't you find someone who gives you less head damage and wants you warts and all? Sometimes we waste our time trying to fit round these people that are not really meant fo rus at all. Why bother? Plenty more fish and all that. xx Life is very short.
A
male
reader, Devil Crazy +, writes (19 September 2008):
Devil Crazy is verified as being by the original poster of the question She only mentioned that guy to me maybe twice, and I am not acting overly nice and such...am trying to keep a distance with her. Currently, she has been messaging me more than I reply...so probably a good turn in event I guess.
But the tricky part is, is showing some concern imply too much of nice-ness? Totally shutting her off also seems a bit...unnatural to me. LOL.
So should I say that, one of the important points of falling in love with a woman is never to be the first one to put the cards on the table...instead let her fall for me?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): Hi FifthQuad here again. If you do meet up with her and she keeps talking about this other guy then you're definitely in the friend zone and therefore don't let her use you as an 'agony uncle' for all her problems. That's the classic 'nice guy' scenario. Keep your distance, keep your value and mystery but still do enough to keep yourself in her thoughts - then who knows what may happen!
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A
male
reader, Devil Crazy +, writes (18 September 2008):
Devil Crazy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies.
And by the way, I think some of the posters here are confused. I am a guy. LOL.
I do like this girl who's 2 years younger than me...I have gotten close to her lately, we get along well. But she likes a guy who doesn't return her feelings, then she told me about a month ago that 'we will always be good friends' and off she went. We sat apart during lectures for about a month.
Then yesterday (and today as well), she messaged me that she wants to sit beside me again. And she invited me for lunch today...but guess I'll pass it up. Being too available to a woman is not good, never is good and I have only learned it lately...
She's a nice girl, the type that I *could* marry in future but...guess I have to use the 'game tricks' on her as well as my previous nice-ness towards her somehow puts her off.
Truth be told, I feel confused and a bit sad that I have to resort to this, but guess it is no choice since sexual attraction between a man and a woman works in weird ways.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Hi. FifthQuadrant here. I think game playing boils down to one thing - taking it in turns to demonstrate your lack of neediness to one another. Fact is if people are attracted to each other then they are exactly that - attracted. It takes energy to pull away from this attraction. To succumb to the pull of attraction may demonstrate weakness - construed as neediness. It's a complete wonder to me how people get together in the first place. Fact is though that if man fancies woman and woman fancies man then 9 times out of 10 for sure the end product will be togetherness. I guess playing hard to get is basically an act of increasing your value and therefore your desirability to your target male/female. But someone has to put their cards on the table - take the risk of rejection at some point otherwise the game will never end. My recommendation is to treat women like fireworks: light the blue touch paper and then retreat to see what happens. Don't stand right over the firework otherwise it may go off in your face! The bigger the emotional firework you let off, the further you have to retreat to see her reaction. If this tit for tat game escalates then I guess that means a building of sexual tension! Our friend David Deangelo (internet dating guru) has the tag line 'attraction is not a choice'. I think I know what he is saying. If a woman is not attracted to you then you may find yourself letting off all your fireworks in one go and not having any more ammunition left. That's the time when you definitely have to walk away. What the hell do I know, anyway. And if you're chasing married women in a working environment then the layers of complexity are such that confusion can reign and lead to hurtful outcomes. I think that ultimately honesty is the best policy and at some point a man will have to declare his hand and see if the woman actually wants to take him up on his offer. Have to say that there appears to be a disconnect between 'men loving the chase' and the need for them not to demonstrate neediness. Perhaps I mean 'fine dividing line' rather than 'disconnect'. We men are also encouraged to 'be ourselves' when courting. However, to me 'being yourself' suggests complete relaxation in the company of your target female and therefore this suggests a complete lack of sexual tension. So, I think there always needs to be 'an edge' to male/female interaction - a pleasant level of discomfort around each other if you will! And now I have to confess that my most successful outcomes with women have actually been when I've not been on the pull - i.e. when I've been 'myself'. Blimey - I've forgotten what the original question was. Hey, ho! Finally, by playing ‘hard to get’ this can mean that you actually pursue your normal hobbies and interests – i.e. those activities which unbeknownst to you may have caused her to become attracted to you in the first place (i.e. your passions, your extracurricular activities). If a woman wants to be picked up by a man then figuratively speaking he must take her some place else! He must involve her in his life journey – in his passions and pursuits. If he makes her his sole focus in life then he will not succeed in picking her up since he will already be at his destination and how can you pick up a woman if she is already at your destination? Head for that golden horizon and take her along for the ride of her life! Am I making sense? P.S. Helps if you’re good looking and have a big dick of course! ;o)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): play to long and you may just loose
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A
female
reader, Confused5  +, writes (17 September 2008):
I agree playing hard to get with make them go crazy ,but what will it prove? Peoples emotions are sensitive and if you play with her she will play with you and before you know it there will be no realness on the table. At that oi Play games ,but don't hurt anyone.. i am on the other side right now.. someone is playing with me and not only am i getting sick of it. I have decided not to be at all in contact with him. He has proved to me that he could hurt me so i am now staying away. This could be your outcome. He will never know what he had because he played to many games and i was just real. I am believing this will happen to you if you are not real.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): No, if you are serious about someone, relationship games of any type are never useful. They are, in fact, hurtful. They are frustrating to the other person, and they can in fact be the cause of you missing out on something really great.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (17 September 2008):
Hmmmmm. In the Rules it states treat the one you want like the one you don't want - well thats not easy for a start !!!! But all I can tell you is it works like a dream cus I did it UNINTENTIONALLY I have to say. When I met my man I really was NOT interested. I didn't want a man in my life, so I was very cool with it all. Didn't reply to his texts, didn't jump to go out with him, in fact left it nearly a week until I even replied to one text message. Well apparently it drove him crazy!!!! Then I dumped him a couple of times cus of the age difference and because I wasn't that bothered - sent him wild!!!! Then I read the rules and without even knowing it I had done what they would advise you to do (not the dumping bit), so yes, make like yourbusy instead of waiting round for him, don't give everything away straight away - definitely not sex - and make HIM fit into YOUR schedule instead of the other way round. Its actually mostly about self respect. Us girls have a habit of dropping eveything to make this new man happy, and it spoils the chase. And anyway, the chase doesn't go on for ever, so enjoy it while you can. :))))
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female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (17 September 2008):
 Playing hard to get has always worked for me
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 September 2008):
The key is keeping the balance between looking desperate and at the other extreme looking like an ice queen.
You just have to keep an air of mystery about yourself.
Don't give it all away too soon. Let them do some of the work of getting to know you rather than just running around after them and telling them all your good stuff all at once.
Good Luck!! xx
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (17 September 2008):
 when i first started dating, i didn't want to play games and thought if two people liked each other why can't we just forget these game and get onto the important stuff.
Now I realize that Dating IS A GAME. it's to test if the person is right for you. if they have the qualities you are looking for for...ect.ect.
Now i don't play "hard to get". I am just more selective in who I choose to spend my time with.
The fact of the matter is, we all want what we can't get.
IF it was too easy, then we won't cherish it as much. So that is why people "play games" when it comes to dating.
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