A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I got in a fight about a month ago. Things haven't been working too well for about 6 weeks prior, so I told her I wanted to take a break. She asked me why, I said that the relationship was hurting me and I needed some space. She agreed. About week passed and she agreed to come over and talk. She said I had really hurt her and she wasn't sure she wanted to get back together. After some talking we got back together. Things were a bit different for the two weeks after and then she just stopped talking to me for 5 days. During those days I texted her once to see how she was, but she didn't respond. Her silence was killing me so I went to her house were she broke up with me. She seemed a little tired of me, and I'm really tired of the constant fighting. Things were good for a while. I don't know if the relationship is salvageable or worth salvaging. Any comments?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Dear poster, it's also difficult to give very good advice when you don't tell us anything at all because you don't believe anyone can help.
"I don't see how anbody could provide any real advice on relationships when they don't know personally the parties involved."
From what you say, it's not miscommunication, her late, her english, your sensitivity, your need for reassurance and validity... you say she's sensitive... then you say you are sensitive... which one is it. Not taking you to hospital, (if cindy cares is right) that's not a person who loves you at all.. but I don't know the rest of the story.
The aunts are giving you their advice, based on the very few things you want to tell us. Then you ignore most of the advice because you don't like what you are hearing.
Just from what you say, there is a lot wrong in your relationship that probably can't be fixed. You two different people, and she can see this and has decided to walk away and save herself the heartache.
You don't really seemed to acknowledge any of the problems at all, let alone thinking about fixing them, that's why when you tried to go back it all broke down again. Instead of looking for people to agree with you or tell you how wonderful you are. Look closely at yourself, and the woman, look at what has happened without the rosy glasses of love. You might love her, but if she's not interested, doesn't call, and told you she wants space from you, then you got to listen or be very hurt.
As I said, not enough information here to really give proper advice.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 OP it's always hard to realize that the one we want does not want us...
sometimes when relationships are fun and SO good at the beginning we go too fast and we don't see the big bad things till later on... and that makes it harder to get out of what we know is bad... that may be what your gf is doing...
I know how you feel... I've never wanted for attention from men, but when I wanted someone who did not want me it was t he most painful time of my life....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 No , sorry, dear OP, but I won't have it. I can't let this concept pass : it's not ME hurting you,- it was not me refusing to take you to the hospital when you were sick !, had it been me , and you had asked MY help, I would have taken you, even if you are a perfect stranger to me !
So maybe, if you are hurt, the cause is not my words, but her actions, or your choices , or your not owning your choices. If you want to go back to a hurtful situation, that's your privilege of course, nobody can, or wants, to stop you, but if you ask ,on a public forum, if this situation is worth being salvaged,- on the premises you have told us, no more no less, I can only give you an honest , rational, sensible answer. That this is not the answer you want, that's not my fault.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
CindyCares,
I'm a very kind and understanding person, and your response hurts me. I'm going through a difficult time. Someone I care very deeply for has rejected me, and it's very painful for me. While I appreciate everyone's opinion, your response was hurtful.
I get it, you're trying to give me a reality check, and maybe I'm due for it, but you know nothing about or my ex.
I don't see how anbody could provide any real advice on relationships when they don't know personally the parties involved.
I went to Korea 6 weeks ago to meet her parents. Every time I think about that trip I feel like I'm going to break down. I love her, it was a short relationship, and it had it's problems. I still can't help the feelings I had for her. I treated her very well...
I'm practically in tears writing this right now...
One of my friends said they would love to have a boyfriend like me, and just tonight one of them kissed me.
I have no problem getting women... I want just one.
I wanted her. I still want her, no matter how many times over it has been broken, she is the only woman I ever loved.
I wish I could tell her that, but it probably wouldn't matter.
Dust in the wind...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 February 2012):
OP, maybe I am getting you mixed up with somebody else, but I think you posted already saying you and this girl had already broken up 4 times in 7 months . If you are the same person, well,...what do you want to salvage ?, it was clearly so NOT working even before this last break up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Thank you Banshee,
I still think she needs a bit of space from me. I think with a bit more time by herself she will be more open to speak with me. We were very close.
I will leave it for 2 weeks, and then try to speak with her. I'm not sure how I will go about doing that though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I'm really starting to miss her and it has only been 4 days. Doing my best to leave her be, but I would really like to speak with her.
If I do not hear from her what do you guys think is an appropriate period of time to have passed before I can contact her?
Maybe we can work out or differences, or at the very least remain friends.
Is 2 weeks a good amount of time?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 February 2012):
Sorry it sounds to me like it's not worth the effort to try to fix something that's so very broken twice already.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
We didn't really talk much about our problems after the break, so that's probably one reason it fell apart. Some of our arguments were due to miscommunication; english is her second language. She didn't really respect my time and was always late for things, and I mean really late. She is very sensitive and blew up at me numerous times over what I believe are very small things.
We probably should have discussed these things after the break, partly my fault. She's made it pretty clear she wants to be alone, so I don't feel like contacting her. We split up 3 days ago, I doubt she would be willing to talk so soon. I figure I should just leave her alone and see if she contacts me, I don't want to pester her or seem desperate, besides I need more time to reflect on what I really want.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (9 February 2012):
 I think you have to identify the issues that were giving you the problems in the first place. You took a break, but you don't mention what you accomplished during that time, what insights or resolutions occurred. I think only if there is a definite plan for change can there be any hope for a different future.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (9 February 2012):
 If trust wasn't an issue before it will be now with all this breaking up and reconciling. Add that to the troubles you've been having and you have a very steep climb ahead of you. I'd say this relationship has run its course. Time for you both to close this chapter and rebuild your lives.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): It sounds like it's run its course. You got back together after the break but she clearly felt it wasn't right and failed to respond to you in the end.
I think the break showed her she wanted out for whatever reason, she gave it one last go then ended things.
I would put it behind you now, you have done all you can. The reasons it all went wrong initially showed cracks starting.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 If you two were to get back together, could you promise each other that those problems would not interfere again? A break is good when you need peace and some time to clear your head but what have either of you actually done to fix things? Have you actually sat down and talked about it? You said you talked a little before you got back together but clearly there is still much to do.
What was the actual problem anyway? What was the cause for all the fighting? You obviously still care about her, does she feel the same way about you? Do you two feel strongly about each other? If you do then, I think there is a strong possibility of resurrecting this relationship. But only if both of you are willing.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, RoseArwen  +, writes (9 February 2012):
When you got back together and then after the two weeks elapsed you both fell back into your old ways. You have nor solved anything. Clearly there are no lines of communication. You both have to find out if you both want to be together. Sit down over coffee or tea at a nuetral place and discuss it. You will keep repeating old habit of falling back into arguments and silences, until it is all put to bed.
You will have to keep the lines of communication open at all times and be willing to express what is on your mind and so will she.
It may take some work but you could get it back on track with just being open honest understanding and keeping the lines of communicaton open
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